# Homer quotes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 12, 2005, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088 "2005-07-12T00:09:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/21 "2005-07-12T03:06:21Z")
“This soup is as weak as the acting, and nowhere _near_ as hammy.” ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/22 "2005-07-12T03:15:17Z")
Editor: This is a joke, right? I mean this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read! Homer: What’s wrong with it? Editor: You keep using words like “pasghetti” and “momatoes,” you make numerous threatening references to the UN, and at the end you repeat the words “Screw Flanders” over and over again. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/23 "2005-07-12T03:19:15Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > From one of the Halloween shows: > > “Let’s go back to that…building thingie…where our beds and TV…is.” “Marge, where’s that metal dealie… you use to … dig … food?” “You mean a spoon?” “YAH YAH YAH!” _grabs for it_ ---
**Author:** ![buns3000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c89c15/32.png) [@buns3000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buns3000)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/24 "2005-07-12T03:33:30Z")
(Can’t remember episode) “Lenny, remember that time I paid back that money I owed you? Well, now its time for you to do \*me \* a favour…” (Monorail episode - Homer’s thought) “Keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake…” ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/25 "2005-07-12T03:41:31Z")
I’m torn between: “Look, Marge, you don’t know what it’s like. I’m the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I’m not out of order! You’re out of order. The whole freaking system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth?! You can’t handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend’s face, you’ll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it’s Chinatown!” and “Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.” Obviously, the second one is easier to fit into conversation. It’s so hard to pick though, I also love “This is the most exciting thing I’ve seen since Halley’s comet collided with the moon!” and “In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!” _sigh_ About half of all I say is Homer quotes though… ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/26 "2005-07-12T03:48:19Z")
“Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Zeus fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another.” What, he asked for Homer quotes! 😃 ::d&r:: ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/27 "2005-07-12T03:51:54Z")
> [@Larry Borgia](#): > > “Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Zeus fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another.” You were beat to it in post 10. And I nearly forgot: "Yeah I’m stupid all right! Stupid _like a fox!_ ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/28 "2005-07-12T03:55:32Z")
> [@The Sausage Creature](#): > > You were beat to it in post 10. Gahh! read right past it. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/29 "2005-07-12T04:11:45Z")
doh! ---
**Author:** ![Atticus\_Finch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Atticus\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atticus_Finch)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/30 "2005-07-12T04:18:05Z")
From _Marge vs the Monorail_ Marge: Homer, there’s a man here who can help you! Homer: Is it Batman? Marge: No, it’s a scientist! Homer: Batman’s a scientist. Marge: It’s not Batman! ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/31 "2005-07-12T04:25:42Z")
“I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.” "In America…first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the _women!"_ ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/32 "2005-07-12T04:37:40Z")
“Oh, sure, Marge…everything looks bad if you _remember_ it!” ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/33 "2005-07-12T04:38:44Z")
Lisa: Dad! Those\* all come from the same animal! Homer: Yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal. \*bacon, ham, and pork chops Marge: Can we get rid of this Ayatollah T-shirt? Khomeini died years ago. Homer: But, Marge! It works on _any_ Ayatollah: Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi…even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/34 "2005-07-12T04:54:38Z")
—Alas that triumvirate of Twinkies overwhelmed my resolve. But fret not, Gentle Marge, for here in the Boudoir, the Gourmand metamorphoses into…The Voluptuary!! —What the hell are you talking about. _to bart_: That’s a machiavellian countenance. Ooh, a Sextet of Ale. —A pox upon you mountebanks and your subliminal chicanery! (All from the ep where Homer accidentaly got a vocabulary building tape instead of “Subliminaly Slim.”) ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/35 "2005-07-12T04:57:22Z")
> [@Larry Borgia](#): > > (All from the ep where Homer accidentaly got a vocabulary building tape instead of “Subliminaly Slim.”) Not a quote, per se, but I love the one where Homer’s listening to the audio cassette that says, “live each day like it’s your last.” It then shows him sitting on the curb in front of the Quickie-Mart, sobbing, saying, “I don’t want to die.” ---
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/36 "2005-07-12T05:37:37Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > Editor: This is a joke, right? I mean this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read! > Homer: What’s wrong with it? > Editor: You keep using words like “pasghetti” and “momatoes,” you > make numerous threatening references to the UN, and at the end you repeat the words “Screw Flanders” over and over again. “The salad tastes like…bark, and the potatoes were very… rrrrrggggghh” ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/37 "2005-07-12T05:46:27Z")
Bart: Do you want my fat? Homer: You know I do. Woohoo! Look at that blubber fly! Stupid sexy Flanders. Please don’t let it be the boy! Please don’t let it be the boy! ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/38 "2005-07-12T06:10:07Z")
Because I just read it in another post of mine: Homer (leading crowd with a megaphone): We’re here! We’re queer! We don’t want any more bears! ---
**Author:** ![Nunavut\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e95f7d/32.png) [@Nunavut\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunavut_Boy)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/39 "2005-07-12T06:37:53Z")
Bart:(riding gokart thru burns’ house) I’m Al Unser Jr! Lisa:(on horseback) I’m Lady Godiva! Homer:(on riding mower) I’m drunk! Marge: Well, I know what these other three forks are for, but what’s this one for? Homer: (with English accent) Why Marjorie, I do believe it’s for scratching your ass. Marge: Homer! (scractches ass) Ooooh! Homer: All we gotta do to get the money is spend the weekend in Bruns’ haunted mansion in…PENNSYLVANIA! ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/40 "2005-07-12T07:30:27Z")
> [@The Sausage Creature](#): > > You were beat to it in post 10. And post 10 was in turn beat by post #2. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=3)