# Homer quotes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 12, 2005, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088 "2005-07-12T00:09:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/61 "2005-07-12T16:41:14Z")
Homer: Ooooooh! Floor pie! Marge: You know how I feel about faked kidnappings. Homer: Still??? Homer (as Henry VIII): I wonder if I can canonize a child… Lisa: Going! Homer (still as Henry VIII): Must sire a dude… must sire a dude… Homer (many times): Stupid Flanders. Lenny (as Lewis… or is it Clark?): We’re here to tell you that now you have to follow our laws, obey our President, and worship our God. Homer (as Indian chief, rolling his eyes): Yeah, yeah, I’ll get right on it. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/62 "2005-07-12T17:01:20Z")
You gave both dogs away?! You know how I feel about giving! Lisa, if you don’t like your job, you don’t strike; you just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way! Insurance Agent: Now, before I give you the check, one more question. This place, "Moe’s’’, you left just before the accident. This is a business of some kind? Homer’s Brain: Don’t tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night? Homer: It’s a pornography store. I was buying pornography. Homer’s Brain: Heh heh heh. I would’a never thought of that. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/63 "2005-07-12T21:07:18Z")
It’s a song Lisa, it doesn’t have to make sense. Like “wallawallabangbang” and “give peace a chance.” You don’t king George in here pushing you around. Do you? Do you? (pushing Lisa) ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/64 "2005-07-12T21:09:06Z")
Oh yeah So, why do you want to be a Big Brother Homer’s Brain: don’t say revenge, don’t say revenge. Homer: Revenge Homer’s Brain: D’oh Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. Ok, Mr. Burns, what’s your first name? I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/65 "2005-07-13T02:14:49Z")
Homer, to the social work, in Moe’s: “Look, see, the thing about our family… there’s five of us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn’t talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him.” _shakes fist, then falls off bar stool_ The Muppet Talk: One of the kids "Dad, what’s a Muppet? Homer: Well, it’s not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man… (laughs for awhile, then pauses) So, to answer your question, I don’t know. " ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/66 "2005-07-13T02:36:48Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#): > > My favorite Homer quotes are the ones that mention the “wine-dark sea.” And I bet Freddie Mercury never paid Homer’s surviving descendants any royalties for “Another One Bites the Dust”. ---
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/67 "2005-07-13T03:41:59Z")
“Son, you couldn’t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine!” “I’m going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love and I won’t be back for 10 minutes!” ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/68 "2005-07-13T04:06:51Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > Who’s gonna do it. . . Me Me Me! > [@Trunk](#): > > And you were beaten on saying THAT by post #40. Which was pointed out before you in post 55. This is fun. [carefully checks preview to avoid the inevitable] ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/69 "2005-07-13T04:17:09Z")
> [@flight](#): > > Me Me Me! > > Which was pointed out before you in post 55. > > This is fun. This is the same post as #68. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/70 "2005-07-13T04:21:55Z")
I actually have this in my .sig at work currently, where we often deal with emergency technical problems: [Homer’s house is in flames, and he tries to recall fire safety training:] “When the fire starts to burn, there is something you must learn: Something something, then you’ll see, you’ll avoid catastrophe! – D’OH!!” Or more visually, from the episode when George Bush (Sr.) moves to Springfield to get away from it all (“the town with the lowest voter turnout in the nation” where the people don’t recognize even his name, reacting with a hesitant “ohhh…” when he elaborate that he is “_former President_ George Bush”), we come back from the first commercial break to see Homer fingering an entry for GB in the Encyclopedia, muttering, “well, I guess his story checks out”. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/71 "2005-07-13T05:58:58Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > “…oooh, they have the internet on computers now!” I _think_ the exact quote is, “They have the internet on computers now, huh?” The scene where he’s advising Lisa on how to break up with Ralph is classic. “I’m not gay, but I’ll learn.” ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/72 "2005-07-13T06:14:26Z")
All right, brain, I don’t like you, you don’t like me. Help me ace this thing so I can get back to killing you with beer. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/73 "2005-07-13T17:51:18Z")
I like your art. They look like the things they look like. I remember when I was a schoolgirl. Painting portraits of Ringo Star, one day hoping to become a painter. ---
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/74 "2005-07-13T18:02:16Z")
Homer: "Florida…America’s wang!.. Someone Else: “I think they prefer The Sunshine State.” (Did I hear this one right?) ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/75 "2005-07-13T18:12:23Z")
> [@Marine\_One](#): > > Homer: "Florida…America’s wang!.. > > Someone Else: “I think they prefer The Sunshine State.” > > (Did I hear this one right?) Yes you did. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/76 "2005-07-13T18:22:39Z")
Homer no function beer well without. ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/77 "2005-07-13T18:29:47Z")
Mmmm… unexplained bacon. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/78 "2005-07-13T18:56:41Z")
Homer: Hey, that guy looks just like me! What an amazing coincidence! Look! A dog with a fluffy tail! Homer: Marge, where is the … thing … you dig … food with? Homer: I am smart! S-M-R-T! Smart! ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/79 "2005-07-13T19:29:25Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > All right, brain, I don’t like you, you don’t like me. Help me ace this thing so I can get back to killing you with beer. I think I like this quote so much because his brain replies: “It’s a deal!” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/80 "2005-07-13T19:44:42Z")
Homer: Marge, we need to get this out in the open. I’m tired of walking on eggshells all the time. Marge: Then stop throwing them on the floor! Not a Homerism, but my favorite Mr. Burns line to date: “So, the caterpillar has emerged from it’s cocoon. As a shark. With a gun for a mouth.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=5)