# Homer quotes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 12, 2005, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088 "2005-07-12T00:09:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/81 "2005-07-13T22:58:44Z")
“Come, family. Let’s all warm ourselves by tv’s warm, glowing, warming glow…” “But it costs ninety-five hundred dollars! We only have fifteen hundred. That leaves … eighty hundred.” ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2005, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/82 "2005-07-13T23:20:04Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > So, why do you want to be a Big Brother > Homer’s Brain: don’t say revenge, don’t say revenge. > Homer: Revenge > Homer’s Brain: D’oh I’m pretty sure that ends: Brain: That **it**. I’m out of here. _sound angry footsteps and then a door slams_ Homer: Every time I learn something new, it pushes something out of my brain. Remember that time I took that wine-making course and forgot how to drive? Marge: That’s because you were drunk! Homer: And how. ---
**Author:** ![Stillwell\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@Stillwell\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stillwell_Angel)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/83 "2005-07-14T01:01:29Z")
Marge: Homer, your work called, they said if you don’t show up today, don’t bother coming in Monday Homer: WOO HOO!! FOUR DAY WEEKEND!!! ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/84 "2005-07-14T01:15:00Z")
I’m not not licking toads. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/85 "2005-07-14T01:30:44Z")
> [@Rysto](#): > > Homer: Every time I learn something new, it pushes something out of my brain. Remember that time I took that wine-making course and forgot how to drive? > Marge: That’s because you were drunk! > Homer: And how. Homer: Remember that time when we made out at the miniature golf course? Marge: Tee hee! We were so drunk! Homer: Yeah. But now I’m drunk on love. And beer. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/86 "2005-07-14T01:47:27Z")
Give me some inner piece or I’ll mop the floor with you! Homer: And that talking coyote was just that talking dog. Dog: Find your soulmate Homer! Homer: Wait a minute…dogs can’t talk. Dog: Bark! Homer: Damn straight! ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/87 "2005-07-14T02:11:24Z")
We can dance, we can dance, everybody look at your pants. ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/88 "2005-07-14T03:37:00Z")
“Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably! The lesson is: never try.” ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/89 "2005-07-14T04:09:42Z")
“I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.” ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/90 "2005-07-14T04:26:57Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Give me some inner piece or I’ll mop the floor with you! > > Homer: And that talking coyote was just that talking dog. > > Dog: Find your soulmate Homer! > > Homer: Wait a minute…dogs can’t talk. > > Dog: Bark! > > Homer: Damn straight! Best. Episode. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/91 "2005-07-14T06:29:40Z")
“The internet… pfffft! Is that thing still around?” “I am evil Ho-MER, I am evil Ho-MER” mm ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/92 "2005-07-14T06:56:29Z")
My favorite Homer/Brain conversation ever: Homer: Well, time to go to work! Homer’s brain: _Little do they know I’m ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour._ Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that’s the plan. Homer’s brain: _Heh, heh, heh. They don’t suspect a thing._ Homer: … Homer’s brain: _Well, off to the plant!_ Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery. Homer’s brain: _Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it?_ Homer: I’ve got to think of a lie fast! Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery? Homer: Aaiiiiggghh! While escaping in a hot air balloon: “Okay, I’ve got this figured out now. We can go up and down, but not side-to-side or back in time.” While working from home on a computer: " ‘To start, press any key.’ Where’s the ANY key? I see ES-CK, Cah-TRL, PiG-UP…there doesn’t seem to be any ANY key. Phew! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I’ll order a Tab." [Presses TAB key – computer beeps] “Whoops, no time for that now, the computer’s starting!” And of course the timeless classic: “Mental note…the girl knows too much!” ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/93 "2005-07-15T03:58:50Z")
From “Moutain of Madness” Homer: He has Powers! Political Powers! Homer: Oh no. He’s trying to hypontize me, but not in the good las vegas way. You’d be amazed how often you’d hear those at home. ---
**Author:** ![jbarro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@jbarro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jbarro)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/94 "2005-07-15T12:37:22Z")
Homer’s walking past a gym - “Gyme? What’s a gyme?” (long pause) "Oh, a gyme.) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/95 "2005-07-15T19:04:44Z")
Homer’s rendition of Chumbawumba’s Tupthumpin: “I take a whiskey drink, I take a chocolate drink, and when I have to pee, I use the kitchen sink! I sing the song that reminds me I’m a urinating guy.” ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/96 "2005-07-15T20:29:47Z")
Marge: Homer, are you running an illegal booze bootlegging operation out of our basement? Homer: Marge, I’m not going to lie to you. (Homer turns around and leaves) -Joe ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/97 "2005-07-15T20:48:03Z")
Homer: [singing] Oh Mindy, you came and you gave without flaking / But I sent you Ben Gay / Oh Andy, you kissed me and stopped me from something / And I – [sees Lisa watching] Uh oh. Lisa: Dad, why are you singing? Homer’s Brain: Tell a lie, tell a lie. Homer: Um, because I have a small role in a Broadway musical. It’s not much, but it’s a start. Homer’s Brain: Bra-vo. [slow sarcastic clapping] “In _this_ house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!” ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/98 "2005-07-15T20:52:58Z")
From the episode where Bart becomes a boyscout “Egghead likes his booky-book!” ---
**Author:** ![Taber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@Taber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taber)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/99 "2005-07-15T20:53:53Z")
Homer, Homer Simpson, he’s the greatest guy in history Homer, homer Simpsom, he’s about to hit a chestnut tree D’oh ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/100 "2005-07-15T21:41:32Z")
> [@Taber](#): > > Homer, Homer Simpson, he’s the greatest guy in history > Homer, homer Simpsom, he’s about to hit a chestnut tree > D’oh [nitpick] The second verse is: From the, town of Springfield, he’s about to hit a chestnut tree [/nitpick] Homer (with glasses): The sum of the squares of any two sides of an isocoles triangle is equal to the square of the remaining side! Guy in stall: That’s a _right_ triangle you idiot! Homer: D’oh! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=6)