# Homer quotes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 12, 2005, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088 "2005-07-12T00:09:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Nunavut\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e95f7d/32.png) [@Nunavut\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunavut_Boy)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/101 "2005-07-15T22:51:39Z")
I love the one Halloween special where his horoscope says that he’s going to die. He leaves the house and as he’s backing his car out the driveway, lightning hits a tree and it falls where his car was parked. Homer: “Missed me! Stupid horoscope!” Then he’s driving to work and a wrecking ball falls on the passenger side of his car. Homer: “Haha! Not even close! Stupid horoscope!” Then he’s tailgating some farmer who’s driving too slow when theygo over a bump and a pickaxe flies out, goes through Homer’s windshield and embeds itself in his forehead. Homer: “Hee hee! Bloopid blorapope!” ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2005, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/102 "2005-07-15T23:57:52Z")
No t.v. No beer make Homer go something, something. Go crazy? DON’T MIND IF I DO! ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2005, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/103 "2005-07-16T00:54:19Z")
“I call the big one Bitey.” “Oh, Margie/You came and you found me a turkey/on my vacation from work-y/Oh, Margie.” Inexplicably, the latter gets sung quite a lot in my circle of acquaintances. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/104 "2005-07-17T02:00:37Z")
[Scientist at Screaming Monkey Lab] We don’t play God, Mr. Simpson [Homer]Pfft…you do nothing _BUT_ play God, and i think your Octo-Parrot would agree… [Octo-Parrot]Wraak! Polly shouldn’t be! ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/105 "2005-07-17T02:06:49Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > “I call the big one Bitey.” > > “Oh, Margie/You came and you found me a turkey/on my vacation from work-y/Oh, Margie.” > > Inexplicably, the latter gets sung quite a lot in my circle of acquaintances. I love the exchange earlier in that episode when Homer is singing about Mindy (or Andy). **Lisa:** Dad, why are you singing? From the sound of it you have a crush on a woman named Mindy. Or a man named Andy. **Homer’s Brain:** _Hurry, think of something!_ **Homer:** I got a small role in a broadway musical. It’s not much, but it’s a start. ---
**Author:** ![VegemiteMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/df788c/32.png) [@VegemiteMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VegemiteMoose)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/106 "2005-07-17T03:06:38Z")
Homer pontificating to the Austr[del]ia[/del]alian Parliment: When will you Australians learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment, and things have never been better! The streets are safe. Old people strut confidently through the darkest alleys. And the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer-programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free, because, as the old saying goes, “Let your children run wild and free.” ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/107 "2005-07-17T04:35:25Z")
Three lines from a classic episode: My prices are so low, you’ll think I’ve suffered brain damage! Well, John Q. Driveway has our number. Now we play the waiting game… Ah, the waiting game sucks. Let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippos. Oh, you want the Mister Plow who plows driveways. This is _Tony_ Plow. You know, from _Leave it to Beaver_? [pause] Yeah, they were gay. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2005, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/108 "2005-07-17T22:36:58Z")
My faves are those quotes – precious in their rarity – where Homer displays unexpected brilliance. E.g., when the Simpsons visited Africa: Their boat goes over a waterfall, they fall out and land safely in a giant flower – which immediately closes up around them. MARGE: Oh, no! It’s eating us! HOMER: Don’t panic! I’ll handle this! [Homer rips open the petals; everybody clambers out] MARGE: How did you do that? HOMER: Marge, it’s a **flower!** ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/109 "2005-07-18T03:30:34Z")
Why are they always putting us Vietnam veterans down? I fought at La Choy and Chun King. I saw my best friend’s head blow up at Margaret Cho! ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/110 "2005-07-18T03:43:18Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > “I call the big one Bitey.” Oddly enough, a friend’s older cat has a tendency to become rather bitey at times, and this phrase is said. A LOT. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/111 "2005-07-18T05:23:28Z")
Paraphrased: Homer: Oh, God, why hast thou forsaken me? Marge: That’s not God, that’s a waffle stuck to the ceiling (pries it off with a broom handle, leaves). Homer: (Catches waffle, pause) I know I shouldn’t eat thee. (Pause, takes a bite) Mmm… sacrelicious… ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/112 "2005-07-18T23:19:55Z")
You broke a promise to a little girl, and then she cried. Then I cried. Magie laughed…(sobbing) She’s such a tooper. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/113 "2005-07-19T01:45:59Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > You broke a promise to a little girl, and then she cried. Then I cried. Magie laughed…(sobbing) She’s such a tooper. Reminded me of another: Lisa: I’m not a state…I’m a monster! Homer: No! The only monster here is the gamblling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him gamblor, and I will free your mother from his neon clutche! . . . . . Homer: You frabba loamma crabbo dabba! Marge: Homer! Slow down! Homer: You…frabba…loamma…crabbo…dabba! ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/114 "2005-07-19T02:00:13Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > My faves are those quotes – precious in their rarity – where Homer displays unexpected brilliance. E.g., when the Simpsons visited Africa: Their boat goes over a waterfall, they fall out and land safely in a giant flower – which immediately closes up around them. For me the classic moment of this sort was: **Marge:** Can we get rid of this T-Shirt (which reads, _Ayatollah Assaholah_)? Khomeini died years ago! **Homer:** But Marge, it works on _any_ Ayatollah! Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi… Even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmada and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power! Of course, his encore to this sudden flash of brilliance in foreign politics was to admit that the jacket with “Disco Stu” stitched onto the back was supposed to be “Disco Stud”, but that he ran out of room. (The fact that a _real_ Disco Stu shows up at the yard sale later really killed me too.) ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/115 "2005-07-19T02:01:51Z")
> [@Max the Immortal](#): > > Paraphrased: > > Homer: Oh, God, why hast thou forsaken me? > Marge: That’s not God, that’s a waffle stuck to the ceiling (pries it off with a broom handle, leaves). > Homer: (Catches waffle, pause) I know I shouldn’t eat thee. (Pause, takes a bite) Mmm… sacrelicious… But I don’t even _believe_ in Jebus! …Help! Save me! _Jebus!!!_ ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/116 "2005-07-19T02:19:07Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Homer: You frabba loamma crabbo dabba! > Marge: Homer! Slow down! > Homer: You…frabba…loamma…crabbo…dabba! You made your daughter cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed. She’s such a little trooper! ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/117 "2005-07-19T02:57:21Z")
> [@interface2x](#): > > You made your daughter cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed. She’s such a little trooper! Look one post above. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Baggins111](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@Baggins111](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baggins111)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/118 "2005-07-19T03:11:12Z")
**Tramampoline!!** I say this every time my friends and I are driving and we see one in a yard. ---
**Author:** ![Frostillicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Frostillicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frostillicus)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/119 "2005-07-19T03:51:45Z")
Marge: Homer, do you want our son to grow up to be a Supreme Court justice or a male stripper? Homer: Why can’t he be both, like the late Earl Warren? Marge: Earl Warren was not a male stripper! Homer: Marge, now who’s being naive? That exchange slays me every time, especially line 2. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/120 "2005-07-19T04:49:48Z")
> [@robardin](#): > > (The fact that a _real_ Disco Stu shows up at the yard sale later really killed me too.) “Hey…Disco Stu doesn’t _advertise_.” And, in addition to _Tramapoline_, I like when Homer says, “Saxamaphone.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=7)