# Homer quotes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 12, 2005, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088 "2005-07-12T00:09:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Mr.Wrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Mr.Wrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Wrong)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/141 "2005-07-20T15:32:15Z")
“Look, we could sit here all day and argue about who forgot to pick up who at soccer practice. Let’s just say we’re both wrong, and agree to disagree.” ---
**Author:** ![Bytegeist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@Bytegeist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bytegeist)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/142 "2005-07-20T16:42:52Z")
_In the kitchen, Homer and Bart are covering a pillow with chocolate frosting to make it look like a cake. Marge enters._ Marge: What are you doing? Why are you frosting that old throw pillow? Homer (indignantly): I could ask you the very same question! Marge: Mmm … should I just back out of the room? Homer: Would you? ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/143 "2005-07-20T17:48:53Z")
Look, if I say my son’s going to work in a burlesque house, then my song’s going to work in a burlesque house. (Crowd moves away, Marge is standing there). Marge, you’re going to be hearing some crazy stories about Bart working in a burlesque house. I will find you Beer Baron. No you won’t. Yes I will. D’oh! ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/144 "2005-07-20T18:28:09Z")
> [@Licentious Ectomorph](#): > > Bart: You never come to any of my soccer games! > Homer: I _told_ you - I find them _boring_! Bart: Come on, Dad, I go to all your stupid _interventions_. ---
**Author:** ![Hugh\_Jass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4da419/32.png) [@Hugh\_Jass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hugh_Jass)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/145 "2005-07-20T18:28:50Z")
After Homer buys Marge the carnival snack maker, he goes nuts frying and making cotton candy. He ends up with a giant ball of batter, cotton candy and caramel. At some point the kids attach themselves to it. Homer says “That’s it kids. Suckle daddy’s sugar ball” ---
**Author:** ![Ichbin\_Dubist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/51bf81/32.png) [@Ichbin\_Dubist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichbin_Dubist)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/146 "2005-07-20T18:47:17Z")
Homer is complaining about his promise to spend one weekend a month devoting time to his kids. Lisa: Dad, that’s only half as much as a divorced dad. Homer [whining]: But it’s twice as much as a deadbeat dad! * * * And then there’s Marge: You’re turning our wonderful little town into America’s trash hole! Homer: Marge! Ixnay on the ashhole-tray! [Say it out loud.] ---
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/147 "2005-07-20T20:53:01Z")
> [@Mr. Wrong](#): > > “Look, we could sit here all day and argue about who forgot to pick up who at soccer practice. Let’s just say we’re both wrong, and agree to disagree.” “Pickabar?!?! What the hell is pickabar???” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Wrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Mr.Wrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Wrong)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/148 "2005-07-20T21:40:34Z")
Marge: let’s snuggle Max Power: Nobody snuggles with Max Power. You just strap yourself in and, feel…the…G’s… (picturing the pelvic thrusts helps) ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/149 "2005-07-20T22:44:36Z")
Was that cat kissing that mouse? 'Cuz if he was…(shaking fist ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2005, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/150 "2005-07-20T23:31:14Z")
(while naked and fleeing the police in front of those little wind movie thingies) Homer: Marge, can we trade places? I don’t trust these guys. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/151 "2005-07-21T01:27:29Z")
Homer: I hate Springfield U. _soooooooo much_. Lisa: Dad, you _went_ to Springfield University. You hate Springfield A & M. Homer: \*Soooooooo much[/.] ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/152 "2005-07-21T01:28:56Z")
D’oh! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/153 "2005-07-22T15:23:33Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > I love it when Homer displays this knowledge of trivia. Like Chief Justices of the Supreme Court: > > Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. What great men he would join. John Marshall, Charles Evans Hughes, Warren Burgher… Mmmmmmm… Burgher… Of course Homer got it wrong (D’oh!), but the title is actually “Chief Justice of the United States.” Pedantically yours, William ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/154 "2005-07-26T20:27:30Z")
Homer gets an online priesthood from the e-Piscopal Church, and says, “Time to tackle the pop-ups. Ooooh, a talking moose wants my credit-card information! That seems only fair…” and begins energetically tapping away at the keyboard. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/155 "2005-07-26T22:47:11Z")
“What are you kids laughing at?” (threateningly) “If you say Jimmy Fallon, I’ll know you’re lying.” ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/156 "2005-07-26T23:01:53Z")
{As Odysseus, upon reaching Circe’s lair of enchantment} “Why does every weirdo get their own island?” {As the Indian Chief} “Long have we awaited the coming of the white man. And Carl.” ---
**Author:** ![YellowTail](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5ac83/32.png) [@YellowTail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YellowTail)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/157 "2005-07-26T23:13:50Z")
(May have been done already) I likes my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals fuh-laming! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/158 "2005-07-26T23:18:38Z")
From a re-run on now: Homer: But Marge, I was a political prisoner! Marge: How were you a political prisoner? H: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram? ---
**Author:** ![Hoops](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoops/32/6408_2.png) [@Hoops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoops)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/159 "2005-07-27T00:14:42Z")
Homer is offered the job of food critic at a local newspaper. Editor: Hey listen, I just had a thought. We’re looking for a new food critic. Someone who doesn’t immediately pooh-pooh everything he eats. Homer: No, it usually takes a few hours. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2005, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/160 "2005-07-31T07:56:07Z")
Homer(running for sanitation commissioner):We’ve got animals crapping in our houses! Did we lose a war? That’s not America! That’s not even Mexico! I have two cats and this quote gets used a lot around my house. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=9)