# Homo Sapiens- shitiest species on earth **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2005, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696 "2005-06-17T12:55:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/1 "2005-06-17T12:55:00Z")
Why oh why do I have to use so much toilet paper? Why do we humans have so much soft tissue enveloping our anus? Are we not the messiest poopers in the animal kingdom? Sometimes I wish I was a dog. What possible evolutionary advantage has resulted for the species at the top of the food chain by our inefficient anus? ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/2 "2005-06-17T13:06:04Z")
I’m guessing that the OP has never seen a sheep’s behind. (But a sheep has the excuse that it has no hands to wipe itself with). ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/3 "2005-06-17T14:03:44Z")
> [@grienspace](#): > > Sometimes I wish I was a dog. So when you come out of the bathroom at work, instead of flushing the whole kit 'n kaboodle into the sewage system and having that embarassing little piece of TP stuck to your shoe, you simply drop you drawers and drag your ass on the carpet. “hmmmm. Good one, G! Tomatos last night?” Imagine the effect that would have on the fashion and cleaning supplies industries. We’d all probably be wearing skirts. I’m sure the textiles and fibers division would step up to the plate as well. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/4 "2005-06-17T14:07:16Z")
> [@mack](#): > > So when you come out of the bathroom at work, instead of flushing the whole kit 'n kaboodle into the sewage system and having that embarassing little piece of TP stuck to your shoe, you simply drop you drawers and drag your ass on the carpet. > > I’m sure the textiles and fibers division would step up to the plate as well. 😃 Le Shark: Soft and Strong Bathrrom Mat’s. Now retain 50% more crap ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/5 "2005-06-17T14:07:33Z")
Well nowadays we have these toilets that when we sit on, our buttcheeks get all squished together, thereby mooshing the poo all over them. Back in the day I’m sure people just squatted down (with their big, strong thigh muscles) and effectively spread 'em–no muss, no fuss. ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/6 "2005-06-17T14:45:40Z")
Never been to a cow pasture, I see. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/7 "2005-06-17T15:01:25Z")
> [@grienspace](#): > > Sometimes I wish I was a dog. Oh, we know the \*real \* reason for this … and it ain’t about the anus. You just want to use your mouth to “clean” your \*other \* bits, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/8 "2005-06-17T15:09:42Z")
You have obviously never seen Canadian Geese in their place of employment-- the poop factory. The only animal that poops more than these geese are elephants-- but just barely. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/9 "2005-06-17T15:38:01Z")
You can’t stand upright without big glutes. That’s the problem in a nutshell. I did once see a toilet setup that would allow you to squat like our ancestors most likely did, but it looked kinda suspect. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/10 "2005-06-17T16:34:02Z")
If we were really civilized, we’d all have bidets in our bathrooms. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/11 "2005-06-17T17:06:19Z")
There is a reason I won’t eat Ox Tail. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/12 "2005-06-17T17:22:30Z")
I’m guessing that if you ate a diet of dog food, chances are your shit would be much less messy, regardless of toilets that squoosh your cheeks together. ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/13 "2005-06-17T17:28:10Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > You have obviously never seen Canadian Geese in their place of employment-- the poop factory. The only animal that poops more than these geese are elephants-- but just barely. Try having a peacock around the house for awhile. It is like having a cow with wings. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/14 "2005-06-17T17:33:32Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > If we were really civilized, we’d all have bidets in our bathrooms. Or use the Three seashells. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/15 "2005-06-17T18:42:44Z")
I’d say you probably need just a touch more roughage. The stuff is easy enough to deal with when it is not as soft and sticky. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2005, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/16 "2005-06-17T23:06:33Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > I’d say you probably need just a touch more roughage. The stuff is easy enough to deal with when it is not as soft and sticky. Gotta find the right mix. Too much fiber and the stools are much bulkier, but pastier too. And since the fiber holds onto water, fewer discrete firm segments are formed. I know waaaaay too much about crap for someone who’s not a gastro-enterologist. But these days so many of my patients are so FOS that I can’t help it! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2005, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/17 "2005-06-18T00:25:49Z")
> [@Little Bird](#): > > Back in the day I’m sure people just squatted down (with their big, strong thigh muscles) and effectively spread 'em–no muss, no fuss. I’ve used squatting toilets numerous times. They are a bit less messy than Western style toilets, but you still need to wipe. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2005, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homo-sapiens-shitiest-species-on-earth/308696/18 "2005-06-18T00:36:07Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > You have obviously never seen Canadian Geese in their place of employment-- the poop factory. The only animal that poops more than these geese are elephants-- but just barely. [anal retentive]Actually, their correct name is Canada Geese(_Branta canadensis_), named after the same-named Native American tribe.[/anal retentive]