# Homocidal Maniac on the Loose in Northeast! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931 "2003-10-11T23:51:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/1 "2003-10-11T23:51:06Z")
\*\*WILKES-BARRE, Pa. (AP) - Authorities launched a massive manhunt Saturday for a murder suspect who officials say escaped from prison by climbing 60 feet down a rope made of bedsheets. At least 50 officers using dogs and boats pursued the suspect, Hugo Selenski, who had been jailed since June when the remains of five people were found in his yard. State Police Trooper Tom Kelly acknowledged that Selenski could have traveled hundreds of miles by now. \*\* I’m especially worried, as I’m having an all-girl slumber party tonight, and some of our boyfriends may come over later so we can go necking in Lover’s Lane. Plus, there’s a power failure because of the thunderstorm, so I’ve had to wander around my house in my shortie nightgown with a flashlight repeating, “_Hello?_ is someone _there?_” Oooh, gotta go. The damn phone keeps ringing, but everytime I pick it up, there’s just some breathing and a kind of laugh. And I really should get my flashlight to see what the hell that noise is in the basement . . . ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/2 "2003-10-12T00:11:13Z")
[Movie Sign!] IIRC, if you want the killing to stop, you’re going to need several boxes of _Sodium!_ For all the helpful details, scroll down and click on["The Sodium Song."](http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/7232/Q-S.html) [/obligitory MST3K reference] ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/3 "2003-10-12T00:57:04Z")
I suggest you just skip the slumber party and go out with a date to some isolated and lonely lovers’ lane. Crazed psychos, especially the ones with hooks instead of hands, never go to those places. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/4 "2003-10-12T00:57:04Z")
Whichever direction the incredibly stupid woman clad in revealing, push-up lingerie is going (ESPECIALLY if she is wearing high-heels)…go the other way, for Og’s sake! ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/5 "2003-10-12T01:26:58Z")
I’m probably going to be beaten by a couple of seconds to make this stupid joke… but you say there’s a _homo_-cidal maniac on the loose? You girls necking with your boyfriends shouldn’t have any problems at all. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/6 "2003-10-12T01:31:25Z")
[Spongebob] Patrick: The maniac is…inside the mailbox… [/Spongebob] ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/7 "2003-10-12T01:35:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > The damn phone keeps ringing, but everytime I pick it up, there’s just some breathing and a kind of laugh. I work for the Phone Company, Ma’am. We’ve traced those calls…_and they’re coming from inside your house!_ ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/8 "2003-10-12T01:46:58Z")
So, now that you’ve found the rusty old key to that door in the attic, that’s been locked ever since your folks bought the house from that strange old woman… isn’t it about time you tried it out? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/9 "2003-10-12T01:50:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*Whichever direction the incredibly stupid woman clad in revealing, push-up lingerie is going (ESPECIALLY if she is wearing high-heels)…go the other way, for Og’s sake! \*\* Oh, well, crap, that would be _me_. What now? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/10 "2003-10-12T02:14:50Z")
Well, don’t worry, when you open the door, you’ll see it’s only the dog. …at FIRST! ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/11 "2003-10-12T02:21:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*Oh, well, crap, that would be _me_. What now? \*\* I dunno, I figured you were on your way to some fabulous party, so I followed you. Do I have to get rid of the champagne and lampshade? ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/12 "2003-10-12T02:21:26Z")
No, the funny noise you hear is only the cat jumping off the kitchen cabinet. See, I told you it was only the cat. Everyone knows that cats frequently get nervous for no apparent reason. What do you mean you still hear a funny noise? It’s safe to relax now. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/13 "2003-10-12T02:29:18Z")
Say, Eve, it looks like we’re out of beer. I’ll go out to the dark garage and get another case. I’ll be right back… ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/14 "2003-10-12T02:44:17Z")
_Sound of agonized screaming from outside, in the direction of the garage._ ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/15 "2003-10-12T02:50:26Z")
Wilkes-Barre is only about 15 miles from where I am now. I’m not really worried though. It’s so unlikely that this guy would just happen to target MY house. It’s warm in here, so I’m leaving the front door ope…ml,’.BN,m [p /.bf,n’\>v v ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/16 "2003-10-12T02:55:09Z")
**Body Count: 2** ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/17 "2003-10-12T03:00:27Z")
Well, if you want to be safe, head my way. I’m on the wrong coast. (Then, you can get the book without paying postage.) ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/18 "2003-10-12T03:08:27Z")
Quick! Lose your virginity and smoke lots of dope! People who lose their virginity and do drugs are immune to attacks by the evil psycho! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/19 "2003-10-12T03:38:06Z")
**HOMO** cidal? I dunno. From [this](http://www.timesleader.com/mld/thetimesleader/2003/10/07/news/6951638.htm) he doesn’t sound like he specializes. However, this item suggests something about HIM (cue the theme from _Queer Eye_) > [@](#): > > Weakley helped move human bodies **wrapped in matching bedspreads** into his van. But Eve, don’t listen to KRC! The kids who have sex and do drugs are the first to die. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/20 "2003-10-12T03:43:06Z")
Hey, what was that noise in the basement? That kind of shuffling, dragging sound with a side order of ow growl? I knwo I just got out of the shower and only have this little towel wrapped around me, but I think I’ll go check it out. _Oops_, the light doesn’t seem to be working, better grab that candle. My complexion looks so much smoother by candlelight, don’t ya think? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931.md?page=2)