# Homocidal Maniac on the Loose in Northeast! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931 "2003-10-11T23:51:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/21 "2003-10-12T03:51:06Z")
Screw you all, I’m going for a walk. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/22 "2003-10-12T04:02:32Z")
Well, I got so nervous what with **Nemo** not having gotten back yet from the garage that I finally called the police, and a very nice policeman has just knocked on the door. I’ll just fluff up my hair and adjust my chiffon nightie and go let him in. His uniform _didn’t quite seem to fit him_ when I saw him through the side window, but I imagine the poor man’s just lost some weight recently or something. Funny, he’d drive around with his car trunk half-open like that . . . ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/23 "2003-10-12T04:05:49Z")
See what happens when you [sub]finally[/sub] hit 500 posts? You get cocky and say to yourself, “Hey I don’t need no stinkin’ preview” and you hit that submit button with wild abandon. And you end up posting things like **ow growl** and **knwo.** I know _I’m_ impressed with myself. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/24 "2003-10-12T04:11:28Z")
See what happens when you [sub]finally[/sub] hit 500 posts? You get cocky and say to yourself, “Hey I don’t need no stinkin’ preview” and you hit that submit button with wild abandon. And you end up posting things like **ow growl** and **knwo.** I know _I’m_ impressed with myself. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/25 "2003-10-12T04:29:18Z")
I just hate it when the hamsters stutter. Giving up now… ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/26 "2003-10-12T05:53:35Z")
Don’t open the door, EVE!!! _Policemen don’t carry scythes!_ ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/27 "2003-10-12T06:11:21Z")
I think we should all sit down and face the same way, eat really loud food and watch a bad B-movie “thriller”. Preferably with someone standing so their neck is very close to an open window. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/28 "2003-10-12T06:24:39Z")
Say, who’s breathing on my neck? ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/29 "2003-10-12T06:25:13Z")
[A hulking, ominous figure shambles into the light, at the sound of dramatic scary music] Hi, I’m your 6’9", 300 lb, slovenly, unshaven next door neighbor, Mr. Herring. Sorry if I scared alla y’all, I was just returnin’ this h’year pitchfork what I borrowed last week. Now if’n you gals have any problems, what with the power bein’ out, and that massive storm headed our way, an’ all, y’all jist holler “Hey Red!” and I’ll come arunnin’. [sub]I kinda miss this guy. He doesn’t seem to turn up much in spooky flicks amymore.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![PucksRaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecd19e/32.png) [@PucksRaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PucksRaven)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/30 "2003-10-12T06:26:55Z")
Say, this place looks familiar? Isn’t this the house where they found those mutilated teenagers exactly one year ago? Eh. . . probably doesn’t mean anything. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/31 "2003-10-12T09:43:41Z")
Hey, guys! Look at this dusty old book I just found under the floorboard! Hm, I wonder what the cover is made of; it almost feels like leather… I know! Let’s open it at random and read a page out loud! ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/32 "2003-10-12T11:09:54Z")
Don’t worry, **Eve**. As long as you and your slumber-party gal-pals obey a few simple rulese, you will be just FINE. 1. Never scream from the throat, use the diaphragm. 😃 2. Unlock all of the doors and windows. 3. Have a pillow fight. The insane serial killer is allergic. Works like garlic on vampyres and besides, many of us spend our idle hours fantasizing about you in the middle of a pillow fight. The least you can do is oblige your adoring fans. 4. DO NOT PUT ON GLASSES. Jamie Lee looked pretty bookish, till He went after her. 5. Everyone talk on their cellular phones. If the phones are all busy, He cannot call and say he’s watching you. 6. Remove that runner from the front hallway. We both know you’ll trip and fall on it, scant inches from the unlocked front door, only to be dragged back down the hallway into the basement, where unspeakable acts will be performed. 7. Do the cops a favor, and sprinkle baby powder all over the outside knobs on the 400,000 French Doors and individual windows you have in your house. Helps with fingerprints. 8. Lace up your sneakers. Just for ONCE, it’d be nice to see the helpless victim have sensible footwear on. 9. Turn on the television set. Look ! It’s Halloween MXLVII ! Awesome. 10. Last but not least, remember: It’s your slumber party ! Have fun ! Giggle ! Make fun Jello molds with sliced banana suspended in it ! Gossip furiously about boys ! Best of luck. 😉 Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![SoulFrost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f07891/32.png) [@SoulFrost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoulFrost)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/33 "2003-10-12T12:18:23Z")
Broken out of prison, you say? Wouldn’t that make this… _the sequel_! -David ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/34 "2003-10-12T14:25:17Z")
Possibly, though we could be a prequel. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/35 "2003-10-12T14:30:13Z")
Pro: Scantily Clad womem, drugs, alcohol. Con: Manic Serial Killer. Verdict: [size=5]PARTY!!![SIZE] ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/36 "2003-10-12T14:31:55Z")
Damn. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/37 "2003-10-12T14:35:39Z")
At least I’m still on the other coas…wait a minute, what’s coming down the chimney? ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/38 "2003-10-12T14:36:34Z")
Scene: Local police headquarters Plnnr (in rumpled over coat): Somewhere, out there, a killer’s on the loose. I’ve sworn to protect the citizens of this town…specially that hot number in the little shortie nightgown and high heels. Get me a squad car, a pack of Camels, a bottle of Mogen David, and a dozen Magnum condoms…I’m going in. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/39 "2003-10-12T15:05:22Z")
I managed to lock the chimney, and escape the house. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931/40 "2003-10-12T16:15:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cartooniverse \* > \*\*10. Last but not least, remember: It’s your slumber party ! Have fun ! Giggle ! Make fun Jello molds with sliced banana suspended in it ! Gossip furiously about boys ! \*\* Damn. Now I _do_ wanna have a slumber party–that sounds like fun! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homocidal-maniac-on-the-loose-in-northeast/206931.md?page=3)