# Hong Kong Police Free Man's Penis from Park Bench **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 16, 2008, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176 "2008-08-16T02:07:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/1 "2008-08-16T02:07:11Z")
Story [here](http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=29&art_id=nw20080814112002893C166271&set_id=1) and [here](http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24174888-23109,00.html). Never have I laughed so hard at such a tragic occurrence. I cannot even imagine what must go through the mind of someone having to dial the police for help and tell them his penis is caught in the park bench he was trying to hump. Why am I thinking of the zipper scene in _There’s Something About Mary_? “Unfortunately for Mr Xing, news crews descended on the park to film the rescue effort.” Unfortunate indeed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/2 "2008-08-16T12:54:57Z")
Well, that’s one of the tenets of male thought taken to the extreme. “If there’s a hole, something’s going in it.” ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/3 "2008-08-16T13:17:22Z")
[QUOTE=Siam Sam] Story [here](http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?click_id=29&art_id=nw20080814112002893C166271&set_id=1) and [here](http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,24174888-23109,00.html). Never have I laughed so hard at such a tragic occurrence. I cannot even imagine what must go through the mind of someone having to dial the police for help and tell them his penis is caught in the park bench he was trying to hump. Why am I thinking of the zipper scene in _There’s Something About Mary_? “Unfortunately for Mr Xing, news crews descended on the park to film the rescue effort.” Unfortunate indeed. 😃 [/QUOTE] Priceless! I sure wish they had subtitles on that Chinese TV bit. Best example of _schadenfreude_ I can think of! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/4 "2008-08-16T13:30:30Z")
_wonders if “Take a Seat” translates badly from English to Chinese_ ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/5 "2008-08-16T14:04:09Z")
It’s stories like this one that remind me that Andy Warhol’s predictions about fifteen minutes of fame for everyone is more often than not a curse, not a blessing. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/6 "2008-08-16T14:19:42Z")
BTW, how does a penis get _stuck_? The man must have one oddly shaped member. I would have thought that once the situation became such that you weren’t having _fun_ anymore that the little guy would relax and _slip_ right out. What am I missing? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/7 "2008-08-16T14:22:20Z")
That the pipe was likely hammered into position, and probably had an edge along the inside diameter of the end that Mr. Xing was probing. ETA: The other possibility is that the pipe was so constricting that it prevented return flow of blood from the penis back to the body. ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/8 "2008-08-16T15:33:47Z")
Grow a beard, change your name, and move. It’s the only answer. ---
**Author:** ![Soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/9 "2008-08-16T16:41:21Z")
You know, of all the things I’ve considered inserting Soul Jr. into all these years, a bench never did make it onto the list. ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2008, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/10 "2008-08-16T16:47:57Z")
::spreads potential puns out like a poker hand:: Hmm, let’s see… bench press, benchwarmer, workbench, porkbench? naaah… Don’t get your panties in a bench about it. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/11 "2008-08-18T02:46:40Z")
[QUOTE=OtakuLoki] The other possibility is that the pipe was so constricting that it prevented return flow of blood from the penis back to the body. [/QUOTE] Yes, this is the possibility that occurred to me, that the bench acted as a tourniquet once Mr. Happy was fully enlarged. The news video inside the story in the second link is very dramatic, what with the guy moaning in the background. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/12 "2008-08-18T18:43:02Z")
That slutty bench was asking for it! The only reason it was in the park was to get some ass. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/13 "2008-08-18T18:48:27Z")
He is a genius It has been broadcast that he can maintain an errection for that long and under those conditions, well, he will be getting a lot of attention from the ladies in the near future. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2008, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/14 "2008-08-18T18:58:05Z")
[QUOTE=Zebra] He is a genius It has been broadcast that he can maintain an errection for that long and under those conditions, well, he will be getting a lot of attention from the ladies in the near future. [/QUOTE] The trouble is, the lady has to look like a park bench for him to get excited by her. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/15 "2014-06-03T03:17:56Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > The trouble is, the lady has to look like a park bench for him to get excited by her. Based on some of the people around here, I wooden be too worried about it. ---
**Author:** ![Fubaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@Fubaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fubaya)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/16 "2014-06-03T04:33:15Z")
I’ve heard stories like this before and they don’t really entertain me anymore. But, this one could. It would be funny if his penis was going through the bench and was visible poking through the other side. I don’t think it’s what happened this case, but it makes me laugh to think of him standing behind a bench trying to summon help with his little wiener poking through to greet people. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/17 "2014-06-03T13:37:46Z")
Most innocent variation on this theme I’ve heard: a guy goes swimming nude in a cold Muskoka lake; afterwards, sits on a Muskoka chair to warm up (they are made for outdoor use - of wooden slats with gaps between to drain rainwater). Swimming in cold water shrank his testicles: they slip between a gap in the chair. Then, he warms up, to discover the chair is now … attached. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/18 "2014-06-03T15:01:38Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Based on some of the people around here, I wooden be too worried about it. It took you 6 years to come up with that? ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/19 "2014-06-06T00:24:50Z")
A member of the splinter group? ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176/20 "2014-06-06T00:31:10Z")
Whatever happened to greasing up the 'ol tree knothole with chicken fat? Kids these days with their new-fangled park benches! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hong-kong-police-free-mans-penis-from-park-bench/460176.md?page=2)