# Hookers Finger Rape Cops **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 16, 2008, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706 "2008-07-16T16:38:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DangleYourModifier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c57346/32.png) [@DangleYourModifier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DangleYourModifier)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/1 "2008-07-16T16:38:07Z")
Headline today in local newspaper. Good og, you have to love headline writers. This can be interpreted on so many levels. What headlines have made you go :dubious: lately? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/2 "2008-07-16T16:41:00Z")
I remember seeing one reprinted in _Viz_ that had slipped past the sub-editor. Describing the petty theft of tools from a garden shed, the story was headed: **Saw Snatch** ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/3 "2008-07-16T16:55:29Z")
You’d think cops would know how to defend themselves from hookers! ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/4 "2008-07-16T17:06:16Z")
The lily-white Mormons in Utah are too family friendly and pure to realize that the hippies might make fun of our new state motto: “Utah: Life Elevated” 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/5 "2008-07-16T17:07:45Z")
A front page headline for a fluffy story about the [Dragon Boat Festival](http://dragonboatbc.ca/home.html) from a crap Vancouver daily this summer: CHASING THE DRAGON IN FALSE CREEK On the off chance this needs any explanation: [“Chasing the dragon.”](http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q=%22Chasing+the+dragon%22&btnG=Google+Search&meta=) …and False Creek is adjacent to the Downtown Eastside, the [most drug-plagued neighbourhood in Canada.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfXNMh7ljxM&feature=related) :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Shamozzle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shamozzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shamozzle)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/6 "2008-07-16T20:58:52Z")
[QUOTE=Larry Mudd] the Downtown Eastside, the [most drug-plagued neighbourhood in Canada.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfXNMh7ljxM&feature=related) :dubious: [/QUOTE] That video is far too pleasant a portrayal. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/7 "2008-07-16T21:08:08Z")
[QUOTE=Shamozzle] That video is far too pleasant a portrayal. [/QUOTE] Yeah, I couldn’t really find anything that does the neighbourhood justice. ☹ [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/8 "2008-07-17T00:50:25Z")
It’s not recent, it was thirty five years ago. (Damn) I delivered the Arkansas Democrat. Some experiment showed that the Sun was some 4 Kelvins cooler than previous experiments had shown. The calculator I had couldn’t calculate a percent difference that small. The Democrat had a headline, in larger type than they used when Pearl Harbor was bombed: **SUN COOLING OFF!** I was somewhat annoyed; that sort of thing would frighten my Grandmother. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecc23a/32.png) [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nicolas_Bourbaki)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/9 "2008-07-17T02:51:20Z")
Well, there’s always the classic BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/10 "2008-07-17T05:35:43Z")
… and the two classics from WWII: Eighth Army Push Bottles Up Germans MacArthur Flies Back to Front ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/11 "2008-07-17T06:26:04Z")
I’ve told this before, but: a student newspaper was reporting that the new head of University Services was a man, contrary to administration promises to name more women to positions of responsibility. The headline was: _Vice-Rector Services Another Male._ ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/12 "2008-07-17T06:36:37Z")
“Doctor Fuchs Off To America” ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/13 "2008-07-17T06:44:28Z")
> [@](#): > > originally posted by **matt\_mcl:** > Vice-Rector Services Another Male. ::wipes away tears of laughter, and hopes many people saved copies:: ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/14 "2008-07-17T06:55:18Z")
There is a somewhat famous one on the net along the lines of “Six Still Dead in Morgue Shooting.” Some English-speaker sneaks great headlines in the Arab News from time to time. "Nut Strips, Bolts. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/15 "2008-07-17T13:57:35Z")
Some I’ve heard of, but haven’t personally seen: “Man, exhausted, commits suicide by asphixiation in garage.” “Blizzard hits seven states. Three missing.” “London sizzles in the seventies.” ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/16 "2008-07-17T14:12:27Z")
“Deer Kill 500,000”. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/17 "2008-07-17T15:26:48Z")
[“Broccoli Rhubarb Mushrooms”](http://archiver.rootsweb.ancestry.com/th/read/ABOUT-WORDS/2008-05/1211133861) ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/18 "2008-07-17T15:32:03Z")
“[Ike Beats Tina To Death](http://drnealwinslow.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/ike202.jpg)” and my favorite from the sports page “Whiffs of Colon KO Tigers”. To explain that second one, that was when the Tigers were horrible and Bartolo Colon was pitching for the White Sox. Now, Mr. Colon’s last name is pronounced like “cologne”, which makes a double entendre for the headline, but the fabled triple entendre when you factor in the way his last name is spelled. I believe he stuck out 9 batters that game. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/19 "2008-07-17T19:00:32Z")
[Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief](http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=337901&&cc=5901) is an old favorite of mine. There’s also one that New Jersey’s most embarrasing rag, _The Trentonian_, put out a few years ago. After a fire at Trenton Psychiatric Hospital, they went with the classy headline “Roasted Nuts”. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2008, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706/20 "2008-07-17T19:20:08Z")
UNC-Chapel Hill had a basket ball player in the 1960’s whose last name was Peters. So when he was unable to play a game, the school ran a headline saying: TEAM TO PLAY WITHOUT PETERS. Hearing of their mistake, they ran another headline: TEAM TO PLAY WITH PETERS OUT. Note: “Peter” is southern slang for penis. Peter ensued. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hookers-finger-rape-cops/456706.md?page=2)