# Horrible Christmas movies **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 9, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636 "2011-12-09T16:37:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/1 "2011-12-09T16:37:26Z")
What are the worst Christmas movies you have seen? To make the list, it should be one that you will never watch again with honorable mentions for ones you may watch but (or because) they are just so bad St. Cad: I saw one and I can’t remember the title where a man sets a fire that kills a family’s child. The family is later tricked by the pastor into getting gifts for that man’s family because he can’t because he in jail for killing their kid. 😕 :eek: :mad: I swear to god I almost punched that pastor in the nuts through the TV. Mrs Cad: For cheesiness, you simply cannot beat [Santa Claus](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus_(film)). No Lupita! Don’t steal the dolly! Honorable mention: [Jingle All the Way](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005157/). Did the casting director for \*Phantom Menace \*even watch this film? Jake Lloyd ruined 2 movies and is the only thing worst in PM than Jar-Jar Binks. ---
**Author:** ![OtisCampbellWasRight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/d78d45/32.png) [@OtisCampbellWasRight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtisCampbellWasRight)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/2 "2011-12-09T16:44:16Z")
If we are allowed to include TV Christmas specials, then, I submit: “Frosty Returns.” It airs tonight if you wish to catch it in all it’s glorious suckitude. John Goodman is a perfect choice for the voice of Frosty (as was Mason for the first one) and they still managed to get it all wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/3 "2011-12-09T16:57:06Z")
[Deck The Halls](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deck_the_Halls_%28film%29): Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito as suburbanites fighting over holiday decorations. [I’ll Be Home For Christmas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27ll_Be_Home_for_Christmas_%281998_film%29): Jonathan Taylor Thomas as some kid stuck in a Santa suit. Both really awful attempts at cashing in on the interest in a seasonal film. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/4 "2011-12-09T17:06:06Z")
> [@OtisCampbellWasRight](#): > > If we are allowed to include TV Christmas specials, then, I submit: “Frosty Returns.” It airs tonight if you wish to catch it in all it’s glorious suckitude. > > John Goodman is a perfect choice for the voice of Frosty (as was Mason for the first one) and they still managed to get it all wrong. Then _Rudolph’s and Frosty’s Christmas in July_ would count. For years I thought the evil reindeer was Fireball (from the original _Rudolph_) returned after a life on meth. To be honest, that misconception was the only thing that made R&FCiJ interesting. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/5 "2011-12-09T17:08:33Z")
Anyone remember **Surviving Christmas** , where Ben Affleck wants to live out the holiday cheer he never got as a kid – and so finds the house he grew up in, and pays James Gandolfini a quarter-of-a-million bucks to let him celebrate with the family? It’s worse than you’d think! ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/6 "2011-12-09T17:22:13Z")
> [@OtisCampbellWasRight](#): > > If we are allowed to include TV Christmas specials, then, I submit: “Frosty Returns.” It airs tonight if you wish to catch it in all it’s glorious suckitude. > > John Goodman is a perfect choice for the voice of Frosty (as was Mason for the first one) and they still managed to get it all wrong. I’ve never been able to watch that for more than ten minutes. **shudder** The movie adaptation of The Christmas Shoes is horrible…but so is the source material. ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/7 "2011-12-09T17:24:46Z")
The worst I’ve ever seen is [The Town That Banned Christmas](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0496411/), which my Dad picked up from a supermarket bargain bin and insisted on putting on. Don’t be fooled by the relatively high 4.5 rating on IMDB. Of the [67 votes](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0496411/ratings), suspiciously ten people gave it full marks, rating it as masterpiece of film (well, video). ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/8 "2011-12-09T17:32:48Z")
I’d like to add, I recommend reading the [IMDB biography](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2126042/bio) of the director of the above monstrosity. > [@](#): > > John has the ability to use both left side and right side of my brain. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/9 "2011-12-09T17:46:39Z")
If you can, get _Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale_ on Blu-Ray. It comes with _Santa Claus Conquers the Martians_! One of the best Christmas movies and one of the worst in the same box! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/10 "2011-12-09T17:49:46Z")
The #1 answer to this question is: [Star Wars Holiday Special](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Star_Wars_Holiday_Special) ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/11 "2011-12-09T17:53:10Z")
[Mixed Nuts](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_Nuts) - maybe not the worst ever, but definitely not good. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/12 "2011-12-09T19:48:54Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > The #1 answer to this question is: [Star Wars Holiday Special](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Star_Wars_Holiday_Special) The Star Wars special celebrates **Life Day** , not Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/13 "2011-12-09T19:57:18Z")
“The Polar Express” is awful. Creepy animation, lame plot, and that theme of blind belief, oy! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/14 "2011-12-09T20:06:51Z")
_Christmas With the Kranks_ was pretty bad. ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/15 "2011-12-09T22:10:02Z")
**Serendipity**. John Cusak meets Kate Beckinsdale in a mall at Christmas and they agree to let Fate decide if they should date each other by seeing if they ever meet again. Two hours of them barely missing each other, while you’re breathless with worry that they never will meet again, like that’s even remotely possible in a shitty Hollywood shitfest of shit. Two hours spent by me rooting for Fate to force them apart, since \ they’re too stupid to try Google and \ there’s no way anyone would not try and bang Kate Beckinsdale at the very first opportunity. ---
**Author:** ![PSXer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/48db29/32.png) [@PSXer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PSXer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/16 "2011-12-09T22:13:41Z")
Jingle All The Way is a great movie. No one cares about Jake Lloyd. but you have Arnold and Sinbad and Phil Hartman. a true holiday classic. And biting social commentary on consumer culture ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/17 "2011-12-09T22:34:20Z")
No love for _Santa Claus vs. the Martians_? It is a failure of our legal system that the producers were not prosecuted for child abuse. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/18 "2011-12-09T22:44:23Z")
I’m going to reach for something a bit obscure and nominate 1989’s [_Elves_](http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2011/12/07/christmas_movies_the_five_worst_ever_made.html) starring Dan Haggerty (Grizzly Adams!). The link is to the Amazon listing for the VHS copy, but you can actually watch the film in it’s entirety on YouTube [here](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57XIR9KChkA). The following is a short plot synopsis from an Amazon review: > [@](#): > > Dan Hagarty plays an ex-cop who gets hired on as a department store Santa after the former Santa was killed by multiple stab wounds to the groin. It seems that a aged Nazi mad scientist has brought along a magically engineered creature with him to America where he has incestously produced a granddaughter to mate with this creature to give birth to the new master race. Dan chain smokes his way through his role and Deanna Lund makes an appearance as the wacko mother of the girl who is supposed to mate with the Elf. Merry Christmas, everybody! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/19 "2011-12-09T23:57:29Z")
I may get hate for this, but _Elf_ with Will Ferrell is a huge piece of overripe crap. Everyone in this clunker except Ferrell is either sleep-walking through his performance or mailing it in. I’m looking at YOU, James Caan. Was this really the only role you could land? Were you unable to get out of some contract your agent signed? Looking bored or angry/bored in every scene is a real downer for the audience. Ditto for Bob Newhart, who I normally like a lot. Ferrell doesn’t have the chops or the talent to carry off a full length film on his own, although he didn’t really seem to be trying all that hard either. I’ll throw in _Scrooged_ as another film I’ve never made it through. Jeebus Crisp, son of Gosh, who thought _that_ was a good idea? ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636/20 "2011-12-10T00:32:09Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > I’ll throw in _Scrooged_ as another film I’ve never made it through. Jeebus Crisp, son of Gosh, who thought _that_ was a good idea? **Scrooged** had plenty of redeeming features: –Bill Murray in top comedic form –David Johanssen’s ghost cabbie –Carol Kane: Wonderful! –It was Michael O’Donoghue’s last major project –Karen Allen’s greatest performance –Self-deprecating cameos by Jamie Farr, Robert Goulet and “Mary Lou Retton as Tiny Tim” –Robert Mitchum’s idea for attracting cats as an advertising demographic: “How about a detective who dangles a piece of string?” Ultimately, it didn’t hold together all that well, but I’d call it an interesting, ambitious failure on par with any Terry Gilliam project with the same types of assets and liabilities. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-christmas-movies/605636.md?page=2)