# Horrible Headlines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 3, 2007, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667 "2007-05-03T21:23:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/1 "2007-05-03T21:23:12Z")
**[Skywalkers in Korea cross Han solo](http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070503/ap_on_re_as/skorea_high_wire_4)** > [@](#): > > They came from all over the world, poles in hand, and feet ready to inch more than half a mile across a high wire strung over the Han River in a spine-tingling battle of balance, speed and high anxiety. > > As part of its annual city festival, the South Korean capital staged Thursday what was billed as the world’s first high-wire championship, drawing 18 contestants from nine countries for three days of supreme feats of concentration. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/2 "2007-05-03T21:25:46Z")
Surely this was a deliberate play on words by the headline writer. ---
**Author:** ![Alive\_At\_Both\_Ends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Alive\_At\_Both\_Ends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alive_At_Both_Ends)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/3 "2007-05-03T21:33:40Z")
Reminds me of the (allegedly genuine) headline in a British newspaper during the North Africa campaign in WW2: **Eighth Army Push Bottles Up Germans** Ouch! ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/4 "2007-05-03T21:39:35Z")
I saw one in the local paper a couple of years ago that I wish I had sent to Jay Leno: **Cops Forced to Shoot Man with Knife** ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/5 "2007-05-03T22:19:19Z")
My wife and I caught this one ourselves a few years back in the Concord, NH newspaper. She might even still have it. Exact headline: “Couch Fire Leaves Man Homeless” ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/6 "2007-05-03T22:21:52Z")
My all-time favorite, about a University of Washington – University of Oregon women’s basketball game: **HUSKY WOMEN POUND DUCKS** ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/7 "2007-05-03T22:52:53Z")
I recall hearing of a newspaper story about a trip that went wrong. A travel agency had promoted a deluxe excursion to Irelend, with visits to all sorts of famous attractions, top-class accommodations and food, etc. The customers came home complaining of fleabag hotels, terrible food, broken-down busses, etc. The headline was “Tour allure a lie” ---
**Author:** ![Airblairxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Airblairxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airblairxxx)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/8 "2007-05-03T23:07:27Z")
The best one was after the Scottish soccer/footy team Caledonian Thistle won, 3-1, against Celtic in a Scottish Cup match: **Super Cally go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious** ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/9 "2007-05-03T23:29:44Z")
Title of an intel report during my Iraq deployment: **Insurgent goes fishing with RPG**. A little overkill, no? ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/10 "2007-05-03T23:41:15Z")
[QUOTE=Squink] Skywalkers in Korea cross Han solo [/quote] There’s a headline writer who deserves a raise! Headline writing is an art (especially back in the days of print journalism where they had only “x” characters of space to play with), and this person’s a master. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2007, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/11 "2007-05-03T23:59:27Z")
When Solaris was released, there was controversy over George Clooney’s nudity. The headline- **Big Stink Over Clooney’s Butt** Swear to Og. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2007, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/12 "2007-05-04T00:16:09Z")
[QUOTE=gotpasswords] this person’s a master. [/QUOTE] No question about it. If not a raise, the writer deserves at least a luxury tour of Ireland. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2007, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/13 "2007-05-04T00:16:19Z")
[QUOTE=Shagnasty] My wife and I caught this one ourselves a few years back in the Concord, NH newspaper. She might even still have it. Exact headline: “Couch Fire Leaves Man Homeless” [/QUOTE] I’m confused. What could it be besides a guy living on a couch and it burning up? ---
**Author:** ![Apricot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bcef8e/32.png) [@Apricot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apricot)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2007, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/14 "2007-05-04T00:24:47Z")
It started as a couch fire and burned down his whole home, in my estimation. Similarly, a chiminey fire or toaster fire could also leave one homeless, without requiring the person to live in a fireplace or kitchen appliance. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2007, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/15 "2007-05-04T00:32:23Z")
For a story about a blood drive: **Red Cross Out For Blood**. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2007, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/16 "2007-05-04T00:32:24Z")
[QUOTE=Airblairxxx] **Super Cally go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious** [/QUOTE] A friend used to pray for the day the Miami NBA team would win the championship in hopes of the following headline: > [@](#): > > What a field-day for the heat > A thousand people in the street Of course, this is the same friend who used to wait for great plays by Olaf Kolzig so he could quip > [@](#): > > It’s like I told you, > Olie the goalie can play. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2007, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/17 "2007-05-04T00:40:51Z")
[QUOTE=Apricot] It started as a couch fire and burned down his whole home, in my estimation. Similarly, a chimney fire or toaster fire could also leave one homeless, without requiring the person to live in a fireplace or kitchen appliance. [/QUOTE] We are looking at the headlines themselves and that one has a double meaning. Besides, why did it list the intermediate fire? It was a house fire that left the man homeless. ---
**Author:** ![Apricot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bcef8e/32.png) [@Apricot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apricot)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2007, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/18 "2007-05-04T01:22:33Z")
I can only assume they listed “sofa fire” as a proxy for “stupid smoker fell asleep” so we could all feel a little moral superiority without even having to read the article. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2007, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/19 "2007-05-04T06:43:12Z")
> [@Alive At Both Ends](#): > > Eighth Army Push Bottles Up Germans > > Ouch! I bet there’s a porn site somewhere devoted to that very thing. > [@Jodi](#): > > HUSKY WOMEN POUND DUCKS And that! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2007, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667/20 "2007-05-05T05:34:43Z")
A National Enquierer Classic: It seemed a dwarf had conned many people using a fake “Talk to your dead loved ones” psychic scam. He was arrested and released on bail, which he proceeded to skip. Headline covering the story read: “Small Medium at Large” FML [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrible-headlines/402667.md?page=2)