# Horrified at the money I've squandered on prostitutes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 4, 2018, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811 "2018-04-04T14:41:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Corry\_El](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Corry\_El](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corry_El)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2018, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/181 "2018-04-08T17:46:36Z")
I agree with what’s been called the ‘puritanical’ side, frequenting prostitutes is contributing to people being hurt and exploited, the prostitutes. Nor do I agree with what might be called the ‘modern puritan’ suggestion that legalizing prostitution would make that all go away. It’s similar IMO to the moral degradation surrounding the illegal drug market. I’d entertain a practical argument, in the world as it exists, that legalizing some of it would be less worse, case by case. But I don’t buy the implication that making it illegal is the whole source of the moral problem. Which is really not trying to pick on OP or anybody else. One comment was made contrasting men who can’t get sex and have trouble accepting that, compared to men who can’t play pro sports, drive Maserati’s or drink $200 shots. But that covers a very wide range of exclusivity. Successful pro athlete is order of 1 in a million in a given sport, comparatively lots of people can lease a ~$80k Chrylser 300-based Maserati Gibli (maybe $200-300k cars is the idea, but still not similarly exclusive to being a pro athlete) let alone piss away $200 time to time on a drink. And many or most men have or have had a reasonably fulfilling, at least at times, consensual non-commercial sex life. The better comparison is whether everybody ‘deserves’ a decent job. Many or most people have that, a lot don’t, and that’s not necessarily accepted as the way things go by either the people who don’t or others on their behalf. My second point doesn’t contradict my first though IMO. One is participating in something seriously wrong by creating a market for prostitutes, whether or not it’s reasonable to feel you in some way ‘deserve’ a decent sex life or decent job. The two of which are somewhat connected. The reality of life (IME) is some guys aren’t attractive to women, the ‘whole package’ including their looks, personality, attitudes, and job or financial status. I somewhat sympathize with OP’s who can’t get women (this isn’t the first) getting ‘advice’ seeming to make that their fault (your standards are too high, you’re not a nice person we can tell, etc). Although every person has the basic right to reject romantic advances they don’t welcome, all the more obviously not their personal fault not to have a romantic relationship with somebody who never even asked. Although as long as ‘advice’ stays away from ‘you have to change your socio-political beliefs in general to be more like ours’, it’s valid to point out that you have to meet and talk to people from your target audience (male or female as the case may be) to have any chance of non-commercial romance with them. ---
**Author:** ![Grim\_Render](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@Grim\_Render](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grim_Render)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2018, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/182 "2018-04-08T18:43:21Z")
> [@Marcus\_Flavius](#): > > I find myself excluded and neglected everywhere I go, even by my so-called "family. " Yeah, people are generally ‘ffriendly’ towards me, but they never actually include me in anything. > > It’s going to be monumentally difficult to change my nature. Quiet, introverted, and reserved, is what I am. Change is possible. And you don’t have to totally reverse polarity. You don’t need to become a total extrovert. You just need to become a bit less socially invisible to the point where its not a major or minor handicap any more. ---
**Author:** ![Delicious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dbc845/32.png) [@Delicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delicious)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2018, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/183 "2018-04-08T20:35:44Z")
Prostitution is legal in at least one state isn’t it? Arizona maybe? What you need to do is move there with some like-minded people and set up an ethical, organic, free-range brothel. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2018, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/184 "2018-04-08T23:05:15Z")
> [@Delicious](#): > > Prostitution is legal in at least one state isn’t it? Arizona maybe? There are 8 counties in Nevada that have legal prostitution. A few others could have legal brothels but don’t now. The biggest population counties (Las Vegas, Reno) don’t allow prostitution. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/185 "2018-04-09T00:17:20Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I suspect that comment had something to do with me 🙂 > > Well yeah but it was worth it. I only paid for a small part of everything like horribly expensive restaurants and half of it was for me. Her ex-husband was the one paying for her 2 million dollar house and everything else. I was just the one screwing her although an actual escort still would have been cheaper. Russian women really are extremely good at separating you from your money if you aren’t extremely careful though. > > That is why my real girlfriend now is an extremely kind Episcopal Priest with modest tastes in everything. Speaking as an (estranged) Anglican / Episcopalian communicant, I think I have a higher opinion of most sex workers than I have of most of the episcopalian clergy these days. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/186 "2018-04-09T00:27:30Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Do you know of any places where a guy can go have sex with women and get paid for it? I have some free time. Senegal and The Gambia are kind of famous spf it. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/187 "2018-04-09T00:43:07Z")
> [@Hector\_St\_Clare](#): > > Speaking as an (estranged) Anglican / Episcopalian communicant, I think I have a higher opinion of most sex workers than I have of most of the episcopalian clergy these days. I like them both. I have never been with an actual prostitute/escort but I have been to high-end Rhode Island strip clubs where nearly everything but actual sex goes in a private room. That is $140 minimum for 15 minutes with a 8, 9 or 10 but I always made them talk to me for a while before we went in. I like having the arm candy and the conversations more than the actual dance (even if you can call it a dance; it is just full contact simulated sex on a couch with security outside in case something goes wrong). I actually liked them and most of them weren’t exploited at all. They were surprisingly candid. A few were real college students (I asked detailed questions about their studies), some were professionals that commuted in from Boston including a museum curator and some of them just admitted they knew they were hot and couldn’t make that type of money elsewhere. One of my favorites worked really hard 6 nights a week and then took time off to travel the world for months at a time visiting 25 countries so far. I wish I could have done that. She freely told me anything I wanted to know about that side of the biz as did some of the others. I didn’t feel bad for them at all. I can’t do that anymore now that I have a priest as a girlfriend but it was fun while it lasted and money well spent. An actual relationship is different than a session with someone you could never get in real life but both are good. The OP got a good deal regardless. I spend way more than that even on my priest girlfriend. Women are expensive no matter how you play it. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/188 "2018-04-09T12:43:13Z")
> [@postpic200](#): > > I’ve honestly been through so much bullshit just to have paid sex. I can’t even imagine the amount of bullshit I’d have to go through to get “free” sex. > > First there is no such thing as “free” sex. But let’s look at this, say you went twice a month to have sex with the lady you had a pleasant experience with, so 300 a month, 3,600 a year. In 20 years 72,000 now say you got married and after 20 years you broke up what do you think that would cost you? A LONG time ago an old guy by old I mean in his late 60’s told me a prostitute is cheaper in the long run than girlfriends or wives. I hate to say it but he was right. I think my husband would come out quite well in any divorce. We aren’t planning on it anytime soon - we are well suited and still are in love after 25 years - but also, it would be too expensive - for both of us. While he has frequently outearned me, I’m the frugal one who has been sticking money in the stock market for 20 years. If we were to divorce, he’d end up better off than he would have been without me because if we hadn’t married, he would have spent every cent he earned. I’ll clue you in to something. Many women in the 21st century hold their own jobs and contribute to the household financially. Some outearn their husbands. Some spend less than their husbands. I know several couples in my circle where she is the main breadwinner in the relationship. Finding such a woman might actually be a net gain to a man - not only would he not have to pay for sex, but his standard of living might actually INCREASE in a dual income household. I’d really encourage men to stop looking at dating as a short term “get sex” situation and start looking at it more from what is seen as a traditionally female perspective “is this person going to make a good life partner.” Or stereotypically, we might date bad boys, but sensible women marry men who will hold a job and mow the lawn - as well as being good compatible life partners. I honestly think that sensible men do the same thing - and don’t marry a woman who will expect him to support them while they buy lots of shoes and do the laundry once in a while. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/189 "2018-04-09T13:02:50Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Yep. You probably won’t be too interested in the women, but there are women who pay for sex. I hear that cabin stewards on cruise lines that cater to older women can make a killing Do they take 45 year old guys to be cabin stewards? > [@](#): > > However, what’s wrong with selling yourself to men? It will likely be a far better business Probably, but lack of being gay would be a hindrance to that plan. > [@](#): > > Your straight? How do you know these female prostitutes are straight? Or even sexual? How do you know they like it? That’s the whole points, you don’t - and to many of them its a means to the end. Your age, gender, weight or raving case of halitosis isn’t something they have the luxury to concern themselves over. Not the $150 hookers in podunk cities in the Midwest. I could make $150 sleeping with women in poduck cities in the Midwest? Again, where is it that I sign up? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/190 "2018-04-09T13:04:35Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I’d really encourage men to stop looking at dating as a short term “get sex” situation and start looking at it more from what is seen as a traditionally female perspective “is this person going to make a good life partner.” What if the man doesn’t WANT a “good life partner” but instead only wants short term “get sex” dates? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/191 "2018-04-09T13:13:13Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > What if the man doesn’t WANT a “good life partner” but instead only wants short term “get sex” dates? Well, yes, that’s the big question for the OP: What DO you want out of life? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/192 "2018-04-09T13:22:55Z")
> [@Marcus Flavius](#): > > I think it’s down to 4 factors > > - I’m never in any environment that is conducive to forming relationships > - I have a very limited social life > - I’m quiet, reserved, and heavily ‘introverted.’ > - I have incredibly bad ‘luck.’ These are all basically the same thing. If you don’t want to pay for what you are getting out of prostitutes, then you want to find a real girlfriend. So, you do the basics. Take a shower, wash your hair, brush your teeth, wear clean clothes. Find an environment where women are present where social interactions take place. Then, you practice making eye contact, and smiling. If you find someone who smiles back, you go up to her and say something you have practiced. “Want to trade jokes? I will tell you a joke, then you tell me one.” Then you tell a joke, she will tell you a joke, and then you have a follow up question where you ask her something open-ended - “what was the last book you read” or “what is your favorite movie” or “did you see the latest installment of (some TV series that you like)”. The idea is to get her to talk about herself. Then you ask her out, and make it specific - \*\*not \*\*“would you like to go out with me sometime” - more like “would you like to go see the hockey game on Friday”. Practice asking women out, and play the percentages. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/193 "2018-04-09T14:35:53Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Do they take 45 year old guys to be cabin stewards? > > Probably, but lack of being gay would be a hindrance to that plan. > > I could make $150 sleeping with women in poduck cities in the Midwest? Again, where is it that I sign up? Do they take 45 year old women to be hookers? How do you know the prostitutes are straight - that doesn’t seem to bother the men who buy sex, why should it bother them when then sell it? And I’m sure a guy can make $150 sleeping with women in podunk cities in the Midwest, the clientele may leave something to be desired - and I know you can make $150 a trick sleeping with men - and you might get to meet your local congressperson. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/194 "2018-04-09T14:39:03Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > What if the man doesn’t WANT a “good life partner” but instead only wants short term “get sex” dates? It might be a good idea to find a fuck buddy. I’ve had them. I’ve known plenty of guys who have had them. Of course, it takes being able to offer the woman in question a mutually satisfying experience. That might involve work on your part. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/195 "2018-04-09T15:45:40Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Do they take 45 year old women to be hookers? How do you know the prostitutes are straight - that doesn’t seem to bother the men who buy sex, why should it bother them when then sell it? And I’m sure a guy can make $150 sleeping with women in podunk cities in the Midwest, the clientele may leave something to be desired - and I know you can make $150 a trick sleeping with men - and you might get to meet your local congressperson. You keep saying things that appear to be irrelevant, like “clientele may leave something to be desired”. And “turn gay tricks for more money”. I’m not sure I understand your point anymore, so enjoy. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/196 "2018-04-09T15:47:11Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > It might be a good idea to find a fuck buddy. I’ve had them. I’ve known plenty of guys who have had them. Of course, it takes being able to offer the woman in question a mutually satisfying experience. That might involve work on your part. And if a man doesn’t want to put in work in order to find a fuck buddy, but would rather just pay some money and be on his way, what do you suggest that man do? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/197 "2018-04-09T16:02:20Z")
Nm ---
**Author:** ![Marcus\_Flavius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@Marcus\_Flavius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marcus_Flavius)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/198 "2018-04-09T16:12:58Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > These are all basically the same thing. > > If you don’t want to pay for what you are getting out of prostitutes, then you want to find a real girlfriend. So, you do the basics. Take a shower, wash your hair, brush your teeth, wear clean clothes. Find an environment where women are present where social interactions take place. > > Then, you practice making eye contact, and smiling. If you find someone who smiles back, you go up to her and say something you have practiced. “Want to trade jokes? I will tell you a joke, then you tell me one.” Then you tell a joke, she will tell you a joke, and then you have a follow up question where you ask her something open-ended - “what was the last book you read” or “what is your favorite movie” or “did you see the latest installment of (some TV series that you like)”. The idea is to get her to talk about herself. Then you ask her out, and make it specific - \*\*not \*\*“would you like to go out with me sometime” - more like “would you like to go see the hockey game on Friday”. > > Practice asking women out, and play the percentages. > > Regards, > Shodan God, you make it sound so easy. Where would you recommended I go to meet women? Somewhere that they might be receptive to male advances? I don’t know about nightclubs- I’d have no one to go with, I don’t drink, and I don’t like shouting to have a conversation. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/199 "2018-04-09T17:09:02Z")
Not easy. Simple, not easy. Women are all over. Join a church, join a social club, volunteer for a charity or a political candidate or cause, take a class, join a book club, a hiking club - anything that will get you out of the house. Something to keep in mind - at least once or twice in the first few times, it will feel like a disaster. _That’s OK_. Stick with it, keep practicing - play the percentages. Eventually someone will go out with you. Then you get to practice going on a first date. Maybe it will work out, probably it won’t. That’s OK too - the point is practice. The only piece of advice to take from the “bad boy”/Pick Up Artist is not to invest too much in any one date. You hit on everyone who is even remotely interesting. If you connect, great. If you don’t, go on to the next. Maybe, on average, one woman in twenty will go out with you if you ask. So ask the next twenty women, and you’re in like Flynn. Lather, rinse, repeat, and eventually you figure out stuff like how to get people to talk about themselves (always a good idea), you work out some standard ice-breakers, and the whole process becomes easy. > [@](#): > > God feeds the birds of the air, but He doesn’t throw the food into their nests. The world is full of women - just keep asking them. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2018, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811/200 "2018-04-09T22:51:24Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > And if a man doesn’t want to put in work in order to find a fuck buddy, but would rather just pay some money and be on his way, what do you suggest that man do? Work to make prostitution legal. Know the prostitutes in question so that you can get a feel for whether they are being exploited or are actually in it for the free trade. Make sure they are legal adults - and hopefully women who have been legal adults for several years. I don’t have a problem with prostitution - I have a problem with the exploitation of prostitutes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/horrified-at-the-money-ive-squandered-on-prostitutes/811811.md?page=11)