# Hot Chicks: Goatees Are Just A Prop That You Fall For **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 19, 2004, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622 "2004-12-19T07:22:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/61 "2004-12-19T20:13:10Z")
> [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > But, it makes me wonder, what kind of woman (other than nymphos) has sex, a very intimate thing, with a stranger on the same night? A woman who wants to have sex. ---
**Author:** ![stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stately_plump_buck_mulligan)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/62 "2004-12-19T20:15:11Z")
No, Geobabe. Those are nymphos. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![pokey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ebca7d/32.png) [@pokey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pokey)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/63 "2004-12-19T20:18:22Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I have a goatee. It has not helped with getting me a hot young woman. It has helped me get a hot dude who’s a couple years older than me, though. > > I guess mine’s broken. It’s on upside down!! > [@Indygrrl](#): > > I love facial hair of any kind. I think the guys in ZZ Top are hot. Would you do Santa? ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/64 "2004-12-19T20:18:55Z")
> [@stately plump buck mulligan](#): > > No, Geobabe. Those are nymphos. > :smack: Uhhh, not really. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/65 "2004-12-19T20:19:54Z")
> [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > To the knee-jerk responders: Why is your automatic reponse to attack my own sexual history? Unless I’ve hit a special nerve in yourself…eh? Eh? It’s not knee-jerking, you’re acting like an asshole because the ‘hot’ women won’t fuck you. It is a valid conclusion that the guy who’s angry at hot chicks isn’t getting laid by one of 'em. And, yes, it is a special nerve. I thought stuff like that for about a week when I was 16 and feeling mysoginistic when a girlfriend dumped me. But I got over it and became rational again, you seem not to have. > [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > Your own ignorance is revealed by the brass assumption that I can’t get laid, don’t have a life, am a disgruntled nice guy, am bitter, etc. Well, you sure as hell come across as a bitter guy who can’t get laid. Further, I’d challenge you that if you are getting laid by these ‘hot chicks’ who you want, why are you ranting at them? No, your denial does not hold water. You aint gettin’ no pussy from the girls you want, and you’re bitter about it. > [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > I’ve had sexual relationships with younger women (19- & 21-year old, I’m 37), “normal” same age relationships, platonic friendships with pretty women, and a marriage for 10 years (4 years after the divorce, I’m her daughters’ godfather). So I think I do have maybe just a tad bit of respect and understanding of women. No, because you’ve said they’re naive blockheads. You may’ve dated or been married some, but if your posts are any indication of your view towards women, you think they’re, well, naive blockheads who need your rant to figure out which type of guys they should have sex with. > [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > Now, to the thoughtful responders: Perhaps I was bit too encompassing by implying that ALL with goatees are using it as a prop. No, it was a bit stupid and bitter to assume that even if it was ‘only a prop’, that guys who used it sucessfully were posers and girls who fucked 'em were naive. > [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > I see now that some wear them for more practical or benign reasons. And no, I didn’t mean to imply that ALL younger women are stupid and naive either. No, not all, just those who’re hot and won’t sleep with you. Or is it only hot women who won’t sleep with you and like goatees? > [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > But I am an observant type of person and I have observed this a great deal and, taken together with other factors (or “props”, as I see them), I can see subtle male strategies at work. The subtle male strategy is known as “wanting to get laid.” It involves personal grooming, behavior, conversation tactics, etc… (I’ve heard that some women even like men who put effort into it and that these same women sorta enjoy courtship/being chased. But they’re naive blockheads, so I’m sure they don’t know what they want.) > [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > You see, he’s good with the props. He wears certain clothing to achieve a certain style, modifies his accent a little, lays down a little bullshittin’ and occasionally is able to take a girl to bed the same night. And, yes, to a certain extent, I admire his ability and skills to do that. And to the other extent, you’re bitter and wish you had those skills. Or maybe you’re just bitter and you wish that women would appreciate your ‘skills’ over his? > [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > But, it makes me wonder, what kind of woman (other than nymphos) has sex, a very intimate thing, with a stranger on the same night? Um… women who enjoy casual sex? And, as others have pointed out, why aren’t you wondering ‘what kind of guy’ could do such a simply dreadful thing? > [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > And with a little practice and superficial changes, I could do the same thing too, I’m sure of it. Grow a goatee to achieve a rougher or more mysterious look, for example. But everytime I’ve tried it, I’ve felt uncomfortable with the deceptive game I’m playing with women whose personalities I don’t really like or love but who have hot bodies. And that takes away my confidence, thus not making me a good player. Mmmm hmmmmm. Like I said, this issue boils down to you wanting to get laid. (and not getting it) > [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > So, if you’re a guy who wears a goatee to supplement your props for the purpose of projecting a bad boy persona for the purpose of attracting younger women who like that type of image then, yes, I think that you are a POSER. Just like you’re, like, such a mega poser man if you like, wear nice clothes or like, get a haircut or something. Can’t you all see! You’re taking away **Certainly** ’s hot chicks! Stop being attractive or sucessful! > [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > Likewise, if you’re a girl who falls sexually for a guy based on his superficial bad boy image and without getting to really know him first and subsequently complain that men are pigs, yes, I think that you are NAIVE. Why isn’t a woman allowed to make whatever sexual choices she wants? If she wants to be superficial or deep, look for character or a big dick, be treated well or just have some hot sex and never really interact outside the bedroom…? Some women fall for men based on looks, some men fall for women based on looks. It’s largely biological, and no real reason to say that anybody is naive. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/66 "2004-12-19T20:22:15Z")
> [@Gangster Octopus](#): > > Uhhh, not really. “Today we’ve replaced **Gangster Octopus** ’ regular thread reading experience with a Woosh, let’s see what happens.” ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/67 "2004-12-19T20:35:38Z")
I had a full beard when I landed my personal ‘hot chick.’ Twenty years and two children later, I noticed that my facial hair was more salt than pepper, especially on my cheeks. I decided to either let my beard grow in and look like Santa (but with my texture I would look more like ZZ Tops’ fat albino brother) or trim it down to a goatee. The Wife is reasonably content still, even if She did point out that I’m now just a vest and derby away from the snowman in Rudolph… I guess I’m just a shallow fashion-slave poseur. Next you’ll tell me that tweed jackets attract the hot chicks and destroy my whole image. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/68 "2004-12-19T20:41:42Z")
Okay, ladies, you can start falling for my “prop goatee” any day now … Are those crickets I hear? ---
**Author:** ![EmeraldGrue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dc4da7/32.png) [@EmeraldGrue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmeraldGrue)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/69 "2004-12-19T21:22:29Z")
:claws her way to the front of the mob of shrieking lustful nymphos tearing each other apart to get to **interface2x** : Oooh! Me first! Me first! You’re, like, _so_ much hotter than that other guy, what was his name? **Certainly** something? Whatever. What a loser. My hormones are raging so wildly I have, like, totally lost control of my rational faculties and I can absolutely not imagine what you would look like without your cool, bad-boy goatee!!11!1! I mean, you might look like a poser. But my tiny naive brain is surging with estrogen and stupidity and totally cannot imagine that! Ahhhh! And now that I’ve avoided drawing any emphasis to my figure, I know you’re attracted to my _mind_ and not any superficial physical attributes!! Aren’t you, like, entranced by my inner beauty? Huh? Huh? Let’s go have hot casual sex, _without_ **Certainly**!!! :in disoriented excitement runs right out of CertainlyWorld and returns to Reality: ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/70 "2004-12-19T21:27:06Z")
**EmeraldGrue** : Welcome to the Dope. (is your sn a Zork refrence?) In any case, hope you like it here. May I suggest subscribing? You seem like you’d fit in. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/71 "2004-12-19T21:29:50Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > You seem like you’d fit in. Yeah—I just just gonna say. Welcome to our happy little community, EmeraldGrue! ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/72 "2004-12-19T21:33:07Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > You wanna know… you wanna… you wanna know what I think is hot? > > _ **Chicks with goatees!** _ This would have been a much better thread if the colon in the title were an apostrophe, that’s for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/73 "2004-12-19T21:55:55Z")
You know who I don’t like? Those guys with “Fuck you, douchebag” tattooed on their foreheads. Those badasses get all the chicks. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/74 "2004-12-19T21:58:10Z")
I’ve got “Fuck you, douchbag” tattooed on my forehead. It has not helped with getting me a hot young woman. It has helped me get a hot dude who’s a couple years older than me, though. I guess mine’s broken. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/75 "2004-12-19T22:07:32Z")
> [@Lissla Lissar](#): > > If it makes you feel better, my husband shaved his off yesterday. Of course, I immediately saw through his posing as a cool guy act and divorced him. Imagine! Fooling me for the whole six years we’ve been together! What a shallow twit I am! > > Well, no I didn’t, actually. > > And I am a hot Japanese chick. Ah, you hot Japanese chicks: powerless against the mesmeric influence of the mighty goatee. Of course, my tattoo finally capped off my aura of irresistibility: I’m forced to keep it covered so legions of screaming women aren’t injured in the stampede to tear their clothes off and bodily hurl themselves at me. It’s a burden bearing such great power, I tell you: trust me, **Certainly** , you’re better off without it. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/76 "2004-12-19T22:21:10Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I’ve got “Fuck you, douchbag” tattooed on my forehead. It has not helped with getting me a hot young woman. It has helped me get a hot dude who’s a couple years older than me, though. > > I guess mine’s broken. No, just misspelled. 🙂 Hey, where’s goatee smiley when you need him? You know that guy’d be smilin’ for a reason. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/77 "2004-12-19T22:24:40Z")
Perhaps the OP just needs to buy one of [these](http://www.costumesinc.com/p7336/Braided_Goatee_wBead.html?&ntfy_flag=1) since he obviously is envious of them and cannot grow one. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/78 "2004-12-19T22:34:21Z")
> [@Epimetheus](#): > > Perhaps the OP just needs to buy one of [these](http://www.costumesinc.com/p7336/Braided_Goatee_wBead.html?&ntfy_flag=1) since he obviously is envious of them and cannot grow one. Now **that** is the very imagine of badass. ---
**Author:** ![stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/858c86/32.png) [@stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stately_plump_buck_mulligan)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/79 "2004-12-19T22:40:05Z")
NOT AVAILABLE IN BLACK!!! _hand to forehead_ ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2004, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/80 "2004-12-19T23:04:58Z")
> [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > I’ve had sexual relationships with younger women (19- & 21-year old, I’m 37), “normal” same age relationships, platonic friendships with pretty women, and a marriage for 10 years (4 years after the divorce, I’m her daughters’ godfather). So I think I do have maybe just a tad bit of respect and understanding of women. No offense, Spanky, but you could try… I don’t know… _showing_ a little bit of respect first. Let’s look at your original post, shall we? First, you started off with this title: **Hot Chicks: Goatees Are Just a Prop That You Fall For**. Not **Naive but Well-Intentioned Young Ladies** , not **Innocent Young Girls** , not even **Those Hot Chicks Who Are Stupid Enough to Fall for Facial Hair, Although Not All of You Are, Which I Know, Being an Enlightened Man**. Just **Hot Chicks**. As in, _all_ **Hot Chicks**. In the post itself, you call hot chicks “dear, naive young ladies,” which is not all bad (although just a little patronizing). Then you mention that only “block-headed young women such as yourself” would fall for such a stunt. And since, of course, all hot chicks are susceptible to the power of the goatee, all hot chicks are therefore block-headed. Then you tell us that “It’s the stupid women who fall for the props first, instead of the man first!” And as we already know, all hot chicks fall for goatees. Ergo… Well, you can see where I’m going with this. Look, sugar. Maybe you meant to say “I am concerned about the susceptible young women of my acquaintance being suckered in by these young ruffian’s uncouth appearance and later having their hearts broken.” But you didn’t say it. You said “Hot chicks are stupid and only want to sleep with guys with weird facial hair.” You didn’t even pit the guys with the facial hair, as they’re “only playing the game.” Who did you pit? The hot chicks. You walked like a duck, and you quacked like a duck. You’ve got no right to be shocked and appalled that people are calling you a duck. If your post didn’t come out the way you wanted it to, apologize for the misunderstanding and explain yourself better. Don’t be a prick about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622.md?page=5)