# Hot Chicks: Goatees Are Just A Prop That You Fall For **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 19, 2004, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622 "2004-12-19T07:22:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/101 "2004-12-20T05:21:23Z")
Dear OP: Instead of growing a goatee, try growing a personality. Love and kisses, hot chixxx ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/102 "2004-12-20T05:49:21Z")
We could also pick on the grammar of the title! Wouldn’t it be more correct as: **Hot chicks, goatees are just a prop for which you fall.** ? Notice that my own grammar is atrocious? Perhaps my spelling, too? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/103 "2004-12-20T06:19:30Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Evil Spock had a goatee. Ahhhh, I think this is the real problem the OP is having. Secretely, he knows that every man with a goatee is really an evil twin. And we **know** that no good comes from evil twins. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/104 "2004-12-20T06:24:23Z")
But Evil Spock did something good. He helped Good Kirk and crew get back to their own Enterprise. Does not compute, doess nnot commpu _kkrrrrrchhkh_ (flop) _pooof_ ---
**Author:** ![Nightime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Nightime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightime)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/105 "2004-12-20T06:26:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Secretely, he knows that every man with a goatee is really an evil twin. But as South Park and Futurama have shown us, often the twin with the goatee is actually the _good_ twin. So the OP may be trying to disguise the fact that he himself is the evil twin. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/106 "2004-12-20T06:45:05Z")
> [@Nightime](#): > > So the OP may be trying to disguise the fact that he himself is the evil twin. You gotta admit, that’s pretty evil. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/107 "2004-12-20T06:46:38Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > But Evil Spock did something good. He helped Good Kirk and crew get back to their own Enterprise. Yes, but he was still **evil** Yeeeesh, didn’t you read the OP? > [@Nightime](#): > > But as South Park and Futurama have shown us, often the twin with the goatee is actually the good twin. You leave Flexo out of this! (Besides, Bender is obviously better, thus making _him_ the good twin) > [@Nightime](#): > > So the OP may be trying to disguise the fact that he himself is the evil twin. Now that may be possible… am I the only one who sees this scenario going down? _BEFORE_ **Certainly** : Good eeeeevening. What crisp night air; the perfect kind of night for mind control! **Naive with tits** :What’s that? ~nervous~ **Certainly** : Oh, nothing, nothing my naive little object of sexual attraction. ~pats her head or hand~ **Naive with tits** :Oh well, okay, I mean, you _do_ have a goatee… **Certainly** :Yes, yes, gaze upon my face fur of destruction. Let your puny mind become lost pondering my the hair upon my chin. **Naive with tits** : I hear and obey, I hear and… ~her head begins to nod~ **Certainly** : ~licks his lips with a giant reptillian tongue~Mwahahaha! Yes my sweet And my goatee will force you to think that I own a Harley Davidson, and get into bar brawls, and am a rugged individualist. **Naive with tits** : Yes my master I will do as you say. **Certainly** : Of course you will. They walk off into the shadows, together. _AFTER an application of Evil-B-Gone_ **Naive with tits** : Hey, are you that guy who fucked me a while ago? I mean, I didn’t really want to fuck you, but then I saw you had a goatee and my mind melted… I wouldn’t even be able to muster the brain power to ask you this question, but you seem to have shaved something off of your face… **Certainly** : Yes, I’m afraid to admit that I am **Certainly** ’s evil twin. You see, I stepped through a dimensional portal in the world of Sex and Money and wound up here. Much to my surprise I realized that due to your planet’s yellow sun, my goatee took on strange new powers. **Naive with tits** : I understand. **Certainly** : ~pats her head~ Of course you do. And so, in an attempt to not be evil, I shaved my goatee. Now I must continue on my way and warn all of the hot chicks out there. But first! ~His eyes glow a baleful red and the world starts spinning~ _You will give me oral sex!_ **Naive with tits** : I hear and obey, I hear and obey… They walk off into the shadows, together. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/108 "2004-12-20T09:51:10Z")
> [@Lissla Lissar](#): > > The _really_ amazing thing about the deception was that he only had the goatee for the last two weeks. > > 😕 > > Obviously he was using future-goatee-related superpowers. See, once the lab experiment goes awry and you’ve been bitten by the radioactive goat, when the chin-hair starts sprouting and the super-powers kick in, mere women can offer no resistance to the all-conquering Goat-Man {I toyed with the idea of calling myself Capricorn for a while, but got sick of the girls asking “What’s your star-sign?” before they flung themselves panting at my feet}. Of course, now I’m married I’ve sworn to use my powers only for good. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/109 "2004-12-20T09:55:29Z")
> [@Lillith Fair](#): > > I don’t care what anybody says. No woman likes goatees. They look stupid. What a complete waste of time shaving out that little pattern. > > Either grow a beard of shave it off. Hey, **Lilith** , \*\*Certainly \*\* ain’t doin’ anything on Friday night: maybe you two could hook up - sounds like you have at least two things in common… ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/110 "2004-12-20T10:53:59Z")
> [@EmeraldGrue](#): > > It’s nerdy-in-a-bad-way, but whatever… No such thing. 'Round here, we take pride in our geekiness. Well I do, anyway. As for beards, I wish I could grow a proper one. All I ever get is this stupid patchy stubble that looks like crap. It’s not even symmetrical or all growing in the same direction. Some guys grow more beard in a day than I do in a week. A goatee is about the only look I could attempt a poor facsimile of, but it’s not worth the bother so I just shave it all off. ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/111 "2004-12-20T17:38:20Z")
> [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > In other words, most of the time when I see a hot-looking woman (usually young-18 to 28 years), they’re with a guy sporting some kind of custom facial hair, usually a goatee. What cracks me up is that if you visualize these guys without facial hair, most of them come across as POSERS!! Hmmm. My husband had a goatee when he started dating my fat fucking ass (read: non-hot). His must have been defective. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/112 "2004-12-20T18:04:04Z")
> [@Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > Hmmm. My husband had a goatee when he started dating my fat fucking ass (read: non-hot). His must have been defective. :rolleyes: You’re a _floozy goddess_ and you claim not to be hot? A likely story. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/113 "2004-12-20T18:25:06Z")
I’m starting to wonder if the hot guys without goatees are really just carrying their facial hair around in their pockets. I’ve never seen my husband with a beard, and I’m not sure that I’m particularly hot; however, I _was_ helplessly attracted to him when I first met him. Excuse me, I’m going to check all of my husband’s pants pockets. If I don’t find anything, I’m going to confront him when he gets home. I know he’s got a mullet wig for Halloween. There’s no telling what kind of facial hair he carries around to pick up the chicks. P.S. Sorry for this bizarre post - I’m ill at the moment, and I’m afraid this fever has affected my brain. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/114 "2004-12-20T18:30:19Z")
> [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > Attention Hot Chicks: The hotter you appear, the less a man is interested in your mind and the more he is interested in your body! If you’re all about sex, then go for it, slut! If you want to attract someone who’s genuinely interested in YOU and not just your body, then don’t wear clothes that advertise your breasts or ass. And look beyond the superficial stuff, or the outer appearance of a guy for whom you feel attraction. Misogyny - thy name is **Certainly If You Please**. I think we can all figure out why this guy is single, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/115 "2004-12-20T20:23:17Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > We could also pick on the grammar of the title! > > Wouldn’t it be more correct as: > > **Hot chicks, goatees are just a prop for which you fall.** > > ? > > Notice that my own grammar is atrocious? Perhaps my spelling, too? > :dubious: No. Despite the fact that the Strunk & White-types have declared preposition-stranding to be _WRONG_ and _IMMORAL_ (a proclamation based on the fact that it’s grammatically impossible to do it in Latin), in actuality not only has in been done for hundreds of years in English, but all the greatest writers have done it: Shakespeare, Jane Austin, and virtually every other literary light the English-speaking world has come up with. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/116 "2004-12-20T20:31:19Z")
Yeah - preposition stranding is where it’s at. ---
**Author:** ![Genghis\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/45deac/32.png) [@Genghis\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genghis_Bob)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/117 "2004-12-20T21:05:53Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > . . . And we **know** that no good comes from evil twins. Hmmm. . . . think I’m gonna grow me a goatee and see if I can get me some evil twins of my own . . . ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/118 "2004-12-20T21:08:11Z")
> [@blowero](#): > > Yeah - preposition stranding is where it’s at. Yes! Up with this we shall not put! ---
**Author:** ![Treviathan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@Treviathan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treviathan)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/119 "2004-12-20T21:29:12Z")
> [@Certainly If You Please](#): > > So, if you’re a guy who wears a goatee to supplement your props for the purpose of projecting a bad boy persona for the purpose of attracting younger women who like that type of image then, yes, I think that you are a POSER. Sweet! I only wear my goatee to project myself as a pretentious art snob who drinks Shiraz and quotes Wittgenstein. I’m totally sincere! That, and without it I look like a bespectacled Elmer Fudd. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2004, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622/120 "2004-12-20T21:39:15Z")
> [@Lillith Fair](#): > > I don’t care what anybody says. No woman likes goatees. They look stupid. What a complete waste of time shaving out that little pattern. Actually, I use a stencil, so shaving that little pattern is quick and easy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-chicks-goatees-are-just-a-prop-that-you-fall-for/280622.md?page=7)