# Hot penguin sex! The stupid-how it burns!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2006, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797 "2006-11-17T05:35:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2006, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/81 "2006-11-17T23:18:49Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] There may be a [solution](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=396710) to all this . . . [/QUOTE] Are you crazy? You can’t cook out teh gay from a penguin at any temperature. Once you eat a gay penguin, you never go back. ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2006, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/82 "2006-11-17T23:58:06Z")
Let me start by saying that I was outed to my entire third grade class when the little love note I didn’t understand was queer was intercepted and read aloud. A lot of notes were being passed that year, dumb things with ‘do you like me’ and a box to check next to yes or no. I don’t remember what I wrote, but it wasn’t much. I was unlucky, the teacher caught me. None of the other kids had any trouble grasping what it meant, what it made me, and what interesting new ammunition they had against me. Even if some had never heard the words for it, enough of them had that they learned quickly from each other. And regardless, they just knew it was freaky. It was bizarre, wrong, suspicious. The only ones who had heard of such things had heard about them in a negative light. It was not a part of the right and proper way of things, because it was nothing their parents or their teachers or the TV or the books they read ever, ever mentioned. Certainly not in a positive way. In fact, a lot of them decided I was a child-aged child molestor, because that was the first association they had for queerness. You know what, let me finish by saying that, too. ---
**Author:** ![Walter\_Windchill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Walter\_Windchill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walter_Windchill)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/83 "2006-11-18T00:00:42Z")
I have read that book, and it’s charming. ---
**Author:** ![Walter\_Windchill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Walter\_Windchill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walter_Windchill)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/84 "2006-11-18T00:02:00Z")
[QUOTE=Hentor the Barbarian] No, but as a good Democrat, I’ve been reading Jim Webb’s books… [/QUOTE] Man, that’s making sacrifices for the good of the party. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/85 "2006-11-18T00:38:00Z")
If you can read _1945_ by Newt Gangrene you get the Order of Reagan medal with a bomb cluster. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/86 "2006-11-18T00:50:36Z")
[QUOTE=Mach Tuck] Well it’s great that you all support penguin lust, but today’s topic is nun beating. [/QUOTE] Good Lord, man, I can’t support that! ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/87 "2006-11-18T01:11:41Z")
Black and white and red and black and white and red and black and white and red… Wounded nun falling downstairs. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/88 "2006-11-18T01:52:05Z")
[QUOTE=elucidator] If you can read _1945_ by Newt Gangrene you get the Order of Reagan medal with a bomb cluster. [/QUOTE] \*This is a work of fiction. No resemblance to the actual 1945 intended or should be inferred. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/89 "2006-11-18T01:54:20Z")
While reading this thread, it suddenly hit me: Holy freaking crap, there are _gay penguins_. They’re penguins, for crying out loud. And they’re _gay_! Gay penguins! Why…_anything_ could be gay. Anything! I mean, I could strike out into the damp forests beyond the outskirts of Mexico City and maybe stumble across gay axolotls have hot gay axolotl sex. Who knows? Perhaps on a journey through the Outback, while hiking down from a ridge in the MacDonnell Ranges toward a secluded billabong, I might stumble across a pack of gay wallabies hopping every so lightly up the cliffs. Just think of it: For all we know, there’s whole Mutual-of-Omaha’s Wild Gay Kingdom out there waiting to be discovered! The nascent field of homo-zoology might usher us into new frontiers of animal science! ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/90 "2006-11-18T01:59:34Z")
I’d say gay axolotls are pretty much a given. Think about it. You’d go up to it and ask, “What the hell are you?” And it’d say, “I’m an axolotl.” And you’d think, “[Fag](http://www.ithaca.edu/faculty/jhardwick/axolotl.jpg).” I mean, it even \*sounds \*like it’s giving head. “Axolotl”. Hang on, baby, I got a hair in my throat. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/91 "2006-11-18T02:18:09Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] I’d say gay axolotls are pretty much a given. Think about it. You’d go up to it and ask, “What the hell are you?” And it’d say, “I’m an axolotl.” And you’d think, “[Fag](http://www.ithaca.edu/faculty/jhardwick/axolotl.jpg).” [/QUOTE] That made me laugh. Hard. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/92 "2006-11-18T02:35:27Z")
[QUOTE=Ensign Edison] Let me start by saying that I was outed to my entire third grade class when the little love note I didn’t understand was queer was intercepted and read aloud. [/QUOTE] . . . I never realized teh gay could manifest before puberty . . . then again, why not? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/93 "2006-11-18T02:39:38Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] That made me laugh. Hard. [/QUOTE] Oh, good. Just after I hit “submit”, I had the horrible feeling that this might have been one of those quips that was only funny in my head. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/94 "2006-11-18T03:01:26Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] . . . I never realized teh gay could manifest before puberty . . . then again, why not? [/QUOTE] Honey, I had my first crush on another boy at age 5. So yes, it certainly can. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/95 "2006-11-18T03:02:27Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] Oh, good. Just after I hit “submit”, I had the horrible feeling that this might have been one of those quips that was only funny in my head. 😃 [/QUOTE] I must totally agree, that was great. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/96 "2006-11-18T03:14:07Z")
I’ve heard that with amphibians, gender identity is sometimes rather flexible in any case. Not psychologically, but reproductively. That formed an essential plot point in _Jurrasic Park._ ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/97 "2006-11-18T03:18:09Z")
My three year old picked this one out at the library. We read it matter of factly - not making a big deal about anything… …tonight I walked in on him having sex with a penguin. My little boy is a penguist, and I blame myself for not protecting him from the aquatic bird agenda. And we don’t even HAVE penguins in Virginia, I suspect they met on teh internets. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/98 "2006-11-18T03:30:59Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] I’ve heard that with amphibians, gender identity is sometimes rather flexible in any case. Not psychologically, but reproductively. That formed an essential plot point in _Jurrasic Park._ [/QUOTE] But those are transsexual amphibians! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/99 "2006-11-18T03:52:55Z")
Marlin Perkins: The wildebeest couple carefully tend their young…Jim check that out, are those wildebeest both males? Jim: Yes, Marlin, they are. Marlin: Well, what’s up with that? Jim: Marlin, wise up. Sometimes males are attracted to one another, and so are females. Marlin: But, but? Jim: That’s right, Marlin. I’m gonna do your butt. You’ve got a cute moustache, too. YEEhaw! [Announcer voice]Mutual of Omaha works every day to make sure that if you get ass-raped, we’re the ones doing it.[/AV] ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2006, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797/100 "2006-11-18T04:24:42Z")
[QUOTE=Antinor01] Honey, I had my first crush on another boy at age 5. So yes, it certainly can. [/QUOTE] That makes me wonder . . . If you’re a straight boy, at that age you’ll typically have your puppy-love crushes on girls. But then you enter a period where girls become this utterly disgusting species of enemy aliens to be scorned and derided. But **then** you hit puberty and all the laws of nature are abruptly stood on their head . . . What’s the gay equivalent of that course of emotional development? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-penguin-sex-the-stupid-how-it-burns/380797.md?page=6)