# Hot wife getting freebies (Comments on an Ethicist column) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 18, 2009, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034 "2009-11-18T15:58:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/1 "2009-11-18T15:58:35Z")
Randy Cohen, the Ethicist of the NYTimes, received a letter about a man whose attractive wife often got free stuff from people working at stores. He wanted to know the ethics of this, and Cohen responded. [http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/magazine/15FOB-ethicist-t.html](http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/magazine/15FOB-ethicist-t.html) > [@](#): > > t depends who does the giving. If the owner of a store is so smitten with her that he wants to give away the inventory, he has every right to engage in such folly. Your wife’s obligation is to say “thank you” and encourage similar politeness in your daughters. But if the swag comes from a store employee, she must refuse it. She may not knowingly benefit from someone stealing from his boss. > [@](#): > > And if her honesty imperils his job, so be it. Next time he wants to curry favor with an obviously married woman, he should pay for his own presents. Which seems all well and good to me. [Salon.com](http://Salon.com)’s Broadsheet [roundly condemned both the letter writer and Randy Cohen as sexist](http://www.salon.com/life/broadsheet/feature/2009/11/16/ethicist_beauty/index.html)which…I don’t get. It seems like all Broadsheet does is side with people with X chromosomes these days. > [@](#): > > First, we just love watching the spectacle of two men grappling with the sticky wicket of how a woman should act. (Lindsay Robertson has a few brilliant theories about the letter’s provenance.) Furthermore, we enjoy living in a 21st century where currying favor with the “obviously married” is suspect. Gratis fries are for the single ladies only, OK? And finally, how big a tool do you have to be to write a letter bitching about the perks your beautiful wife gets? I don’t see why it’s so wrong to feel upset at someone “currying favor” with a married woman when it’s the husband upset about it. And I really don’t get why just because the person in question is female, men can’t have an opinion about it. I don’t even get why it’s an issue of gender at all. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/2 "2009-11-18T16:42:18Z")
Not sure of the answer to your questions, but I remember thinking when I originally read that column that the letter writer sounds like a tool that just wants to tell the world he has a hot wife. Not pertinent, I know, but I just think it’s interesting that we both found the article noteworthy. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/3 "2009-11-18T16:45:36Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > which…I don’t get. It seems like all Broadsheet does is side with people with X chromosomes these days. Not having read him before, I don’t get that - I mean both my wife and I have X chromosomes, it’s just that’s all she has, whereas I also have Ys. Are you saying he sides with people? (You were right and the octopus was wrong!) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/4 "2009-11-18T17:00:33Z")
Oops. People with exclusively x chromosomes. In any case, the comments seem to think the same thing–that it’s less about “hot wife” and more likely to be that the wife is a klept or running up a huge secret credit card bill under the guise of “People just sneak stuff into my bag because I’m JUST THAT HOT!” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/5 "2009-11-18T17:48:59Z")
The letter is odd and brief. What is the dilemma, exactly? That she’ll hitch up her skirt while straddling the twins’ stroller? That she might be fencing stolen goods? And don’t most people trying to curry favor with someone make a point of, you know, not doing it secretly? I’ve had my fair share of casual admirers and usually they like for you to _know_ you’re getting extra sprinkles (not a metaphor) because you’re so cute. I’ve never gotten canned goods, though, or clothing. Perhaps because the only straight guys I know who work in retail are damned stingy. Also, what? Free clothing? If she were a working model and people wanted her to be seen in their wares, maybe, but in general? Sounds odd. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/6 "2009-11-18T17:55:47Z")
_hands **Freudian Slit** keys to a new Lexus_ ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/7 "2009-11-18T17:57:52Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Not sure of the answer to your questions, but I remember thinking when I originally read that column that the letter writer sounds like a tool that just wants to tell the world he has a hot wife. Not pertinent, I know, but I just think it’s interesting that we both found the article noteworthy. Heh, he does seem kind of douchey. But is this a matter of hotness? I get free stuff all the time, and I’m a fairly average looking gal. I don’t walk into Macy’s and get free clothes (she apparently does, so maybe I would too if I were hot), but when I walk into small shops, I get all kinds of little extras. I just smile and say “Thank you,” and don’t give it much thought after that. I figure they’re nice because I’m nice. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/8 "2009-11-18T17:58:10Z")
I get comped appetizers at my local Indian restaurant all the time. It’s because I curried favor with the owner. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/9 "2009-11-18T18:03:15Z")
IOW, “At an Indian restaurant, if you wish to curry favor, favor curry.” ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/10 "2009-11-18T18:03:44Z")
I’m nice, and nobody ever gives _me_ free shit, except people who know I tip well. Maybe some tits would be a worthwhile investment. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/11 "2009-11-18T18:04:43Z")
They should have included a picture with the article ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/12 "2009-11-18T18:09:33Z")
Preferably of the wife in free lingerie. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/13 "2009-11-18T18:13:31Z")
I vote klepto. There is no way she is so freaking hot that people just throw stuff in her bag for free as she walks by the counter. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/14 "2009-11-18T18:16:34Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I’m nice, and nobody ever gives _me_ free shit, except people who know I tip well. Maybe some tits would be a worthwhile investment. Takes a while to rack up $3,000 worth of free stuff. But I guess if you don’t plan on dying any time soon, it could work. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/15 "2009-11-18T18:18:41Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Takes a while to rack up $3,000 worth of free stuff. But I guess if you don’t plan on dying any time soon, it could work. Depends on the rack. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/16 "2009-11-18T18:28:23Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > I get comped appetizers at my local Indian restaurant all the time. It’s because I curried favor with the owner. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/17 "2009-11-18T18:28:41Z")
“Hi, everybody!” “Hi, Dr. Nick!” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/18 "2009-11-18T19:13:29Z")
That is really weird - I’ve never come home from shopping with extra free stuff I didn’t know I had in my bags (okay, maybe the odd time I’ve bought two pans and they were stuck together and the clerk didn’t realize it). I too vote “klepto, with naive husband.” ETA: Heh, now I’m thinking of that Monty Python sketch with the marriage counsellor and Deirdre. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/19 "2009-11-18T19:31:16Z")
In the comments on the Broadsheet column, at least one other person came up with “shopaholic wife hiding her spending habits from her husband.” ‘Oh honey, I’m so gorgeous that people shower me with gifts.’ I’m voting for that or klepto. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034/20 "2009-11-18T19:38:02Z")
It would be nice to be so hot that people shower you with groceries and clothing. Those are pretty much the only things I buy, so it would almost be living for free! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hot-wife-getting-freebies-comments-on-an-ethicist-column/518034.md?page=2)