# Hottest Women in Shakespeare **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 7, 2010, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698 "2010-05-07T23:57:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2010, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/1 "2010-05-07T23:57:00Z")
Inspired by my earlier pitting of The Merchant of Venice’s Portia: [I pit Portia and Bassanio (Merchant of Venice pitting) - Cafe Society - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=562243) Gentlemen (and like-minded ladies), who would you consider to be the, well, _hottest_ women in the Shakespearean canon? I don’t refer to the most admirable, or even necessarily the most likable (though these are obviously factors). No, I’m asking about those of the Bard’s women who, were they both real and contemporaries of ours, you’d very badly want to get in the sack. For myself - Tamora, Queen of the Goths, from Titus Andronicus. What can I say? Mere bitchiness annoys me, but pure focused evil is kind of hot - and Tamora has that in spades. More, she’s got the whole crazy, power-hungry cougar thing going. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/2 "2010-05-08T00:03:11Z")
Kate, from Taming of the Shrew. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/3 "2010-05-08T00:18:18Z")
> [@Oni no Maggie](#): > > Kate, from Taming of the Shrew. Fair 'nuff - why Kate? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/4 "2010-05-08T00:27:00Z")
Either [Helena](http://www.albinz.net/blogpicts/diana_rigg_helena_1968.jpg) from _AMND_ or [Viola](http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters/willgompertz/kendal_viola226.jpg) from _Twelfth Night_. For obvious reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/5 "2010-05-08T00:29:50Z")
Titania–_AMND_. Self-explanitory. Countess Olivia, in _Twelfth Night_. Great sense of humor, a rare beauty, & capable of both strong passion & deep love. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/6 "2010-05-08T01:49:28Z")
Cleopatra? Beatrice from _Much Ado_? ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2010, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/7 "2010-05-08T02:12:23Z")
Beatrice. Smart is always sexy. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/8 "2010-05-09T15:11:15Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Beatrice. Smart is always sexy. I’m with you there. That’s why I choose Portia from Merchant of Venice. And for that matter Portia from Julius Caesar. Or might it just be the name? Nah, In MoV, Portia’s smart, gutsy and innovative. In JC she’s a woman who stands out because Portia’s an equal with any man on so many levels. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/9 "2010-05-09T19:06:53Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > … I’m asking about those of the Bard’s women who, were they both real and contemporaries of ours, you’d very badly want to get in the sack. > > For myself - Tamora, Queen of the Goths, from Titus Andronicus. What can I say? Mere bitchiness annoys me, but pure focused evil is kind of hot - and Tamora has that in spades. More, she’s got the whole crazy, power-hungry cougar thing going. Eh, you just saw Jessica Lange’s boobies in the movie (which were pretty fine). _L_ You did see the movie TITUS with her, Anthony Hopkins & Alan Cummings, I assume. If not, the movie itself was awesome, even if it hadn’t have had Jessica Lange boobies (which were just icing on the cake.) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/10 "2010-05-09T19:45:57Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Eh, you just saw Jessica Lange’s boobies in the movie (which were pretty fine). > > _L_ > > You did see the movie TITUS with her, Anthony Hopkins & Alan Cummings, I assume. If not, the movie itself was awesome, even if it hadn’t have had Jessica Lange boobies (which were just icing on the cake.) Well, yes, true. But I’d stand by the Tamora thing even absent Lange-boobies. ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/11 "2010-05-09T21:12:58Z")
Lady Mac! Psycho women are the best in bed 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/12 "2010-05-10T17:26:09Z")
I imagine Mistress Quickly would be pretty good in bed-- She’s certainly had plenty of practice. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/13 "2010-05-10T18:27:52Z")
Juliet. She’s a lusty, wanton trollop. Sure, she’s only 14, but they didn’t seem too concerned with “minimum age limits” back then. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/14 "2010-05-10T19:11:55Z")
What about Altaira Morbius from _Forbidden Planet_? Does she count? ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/15 "2010-05-10T19:15:29Z")
Venus from _Venus and Adonis_, pretty much by definition. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/16 "2010-05-10T21:27:14Z")
Another vote for Beatrice! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/17 "2010-05-10T21:28:49Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > Juliet. She’s a lusty, wanton trollop. Sure, she’s only 14, but they didn’t seem too concerned with “minimum age limits” back then. Ophelia from _Hamlet,_ OTOH . . . what a poor, weak, fragile reed. I’d **want** her, she must be teh hotness if she’s good enough for Hamlet, but if I had the slightest idea how it was going to turn out I’d steer clear. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/18 "2010-05-10T23:15:41Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Ophelia from _Hamlet,_ OTOH . . . what a poor, weak, fragile reed. I’d **want** her, she must be teh hotness if she’s good enough for Hamlet, but if I had the slightest idea how it was going to turn out I’d steer clear. ☹ “Never stick your dick in the crazy.” ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/19 "2010-05-11T00:13:41Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > “Never stick your dick in the crazy.” sticketh ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2010, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698/20 "2010-05-11T01:42:31Z")
Juliet and Ophelia both end up as suicides, of course – but there’s a difference: Juliet’s suicide is Tragic; Ophelia’s is pathetic. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hottest-women-in-shakespeare/538698.md?page=2)