# House Hunting Duds **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 30, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843 "2011-12-30T16:43:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![beatlejuice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@beatlejuice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beatlejuice)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/161 "2012-01-09T18:30:38Z")
We viewed a nice ranch that contained a den turned into a shrine for Elvis. The room was painted a very dreary red with red lighting all sorts of Elvis collectibles and a velvet portrait painting of the King himself. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/162 "2012-01-09T19:16:43Z")
> [@beatlejuice](#): > > We viewed a nice ranch that contained a den turned into a shrine for Elvis. The room was painted a very dreary red with red lighting all sorts of Elvis collectibles and a velvet portrait painting of the King himself. And there’s two types of people in this world, Elvis people and Beatles people… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/163 "2012-01-09T23:34:56Z")
> [@bytheway](#): > > Then there was the **suicide** house. We had our offer accepted and then we received the disclosures, which revealed that the owner’s brother had slit his wrists in his bedroom because he was hearing voices (he died in the hospital, not in the house). Too risky (we had kids already) so we backed out of the deal. I didn’t know schizophrenia was contagious. > [@Chimera](#): > > There is, quite literally, a very large (from a large dog) pile of dog shit every 2-3 feet _over the entire basement floor_. Had to be not just dozens, but scores of large piles. Didn’t stink like it should have, but the windows were open and they’d probably sprayed well. > > I walk back up, go to the REA and say “You haven’t been downstairs, have you.” > > “No, why?” > “Oh, just go down and take a look” > > He comes back up and announces that the Open House is now closed. Well, at least he closed the open house, as opposed to closed off the room and just told people not to go down there. 😉 > [@Ashes\_Ashes](#): > > You entered the house through the only bathroom. The only bathroom was the entryway? 😕 > [@Spoons](#): > > So we saw many houses she deemed lovely, but which had kitchens overlooking the living room. We bought the one she didn’t think we’d like: it had a living/dining area separate from the kitchen. Why couldn’t or wouldn’t she listen to us? That’s a definite indicator of a real estate agent to be fired. They can’t seem to get what you want, they get the bricks. I was fortunate, my real estate agent did a pretty good job of taking care of me and helping me understand things. > [@lieu](#): > > Anne Frank house - …but what was bizarre was that in the downstairs master there was a tight spiral staircase that went up to a fairly big room on the 2nd floor. But there were no windows in that room, doors, no way to move in furniture of any kind. It was just a big empty room. But then, there was a slender fake panel that hid another secret entrance. To use that you went to an upstairs closet, pushed open a fake hinged wall, walked the length of the house along unfinished attic and rafters and then slid in through that fake panel. That would have been so cool as a kid! A genuine secret passage! A hidden room! I want one! > [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > But they didn’t keep the birds in cages. And it appears you can’t housebreak birds. Nope, you can’t. Birds are anatomically built where they can’t hold it in. They gotta go, they go. One time had a roommate with a cockatiel. He’d get pissed at the bird when it pooped on his shoulder. Um, dude, it’s a bird, not a cockerspaniel. > [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > This always happens on TV, I didn’t think it ever happened in real life! Years ago, I pulled up a corner of some ugly-ass carpet with hope in my heart, only to reveal…terrazzo. ☹ I put that carpet back. My folks discovered our house had hardwood floors when we replaced the carpet in the living room. Years later after us kids moved out, they ripped out the now old carpet and exposed the woodwork. We also had yellow/orange shag carpet in the den. It was there all through my childhood, parents finally replaced doing renovations after kids were moved out. > [@carnut](#): > > The DNR wouldn’t let us try to save our shoreline or help us with the problem. DNR? > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I always like the shows where they show the major support beam for the house that has been either sawed up in some way, or completely removed. It’s a huge frickin’ beam - did you think it was there just for the looks, hidden away in the ceiling? “Who’s the idiot that put this beam here? It cuts right across the middle of the room. Geez, I want to run some wiring and maybe some ductwork here, but this beam just fills all the space between the ceiling and the floor above. I’ll just cut a notch or two here and there.” ---
**Author:** ![2nd\_Law](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/f475e1/32.png) [@2nd\_Law](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2nd_Law)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/164 "2012-01-10T00:30:52Z")
> [@Terr](#): > > **Alpinist House** - When I was looking for a house in Austin, TX, I found one listing that looked perfect - great neighborhood, large, low price, etc. I called up and drove there. When I got there, I found out why it was so great on paper and still available - the driveway to the garage from the street was about 100 feet long, at (it looked like, but I can’t swear to it exactly) 30 degree angle up, with a turn in the middle. My wife looked at that, and said there is no way I am driving up there or backing down from there every day. We didn’t even go inside. This could have been my brother’s house in Austin. His driveway freaked me out every time we drove up it. ---
**Author:** ![Mdcastle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@Mdcastle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mdcastle)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/165 "2012-01-10T01:49:01Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > – The **You Are Going To Have Kids Whether You Want Them Or Not** houses. Years ago, our realtor showed my ex-wife and I many houses where the kitchen and living room were basically one, “so you can keep an eye on the kids as they do their homework.” We repeatedly told her that we had no kids, were not planning to have any kids; and in desperation, we told her that frankly, we hated kids. We wanted a separate kitchen and dining area. But she wouldn’t listen. “Oh you say that now, but you’ll change your minds.” So we saw many houses she deemed lovely, but which had kitchens overlooking the living room. We bought the one she didn’t think we’d like: it had a living/dining area separate from the kitchen. Why couldn’t or wouldn’t she listen to us? Seems on all the home remodel shows on TV the main thing they do is bust out all the walls between the kitchen, living room, and formal dining room. I guess the “open concept” is in vogue right now. I wonder if in 10 or 15 years people will be remodeling to put back walls after the novelty of having your fridge and oven in the same room as your TV wears off. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/166 "2012-01-10T02:53:14Z")
When my parents decided to downsize their house I went house hunting with them a few times. One of the houses they looked at I called the Berlin Wall house. Apparently the homeowner was having some sort of dispute with the neighbor, so they decided to put up a very makeshift fence. Plywood, metal sheeting and chicken wire held together with nails sticking out all over the place. The “fence” was held up with bungee cords and twine anchoring it to the roof of the house. There were a few cinderblocks along the base of the fence for good measure. And the whole thing was covered with graffiti. I don’t remember the inside of that house. I think the fence blocked out any other memories. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/167 "2012-01-10T14:35:02Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > DNR? I’m assuming **carnut** means the Department of Natural Resources. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/168 "2012-01-10T14:48:57Z")
> [@Dr.Girlfriend](#): > > When my parents decided to downsize their house I went house hunting with them a few times. One of the houses they looked at I called the Berlin Wall house. Apparently the homeowner was having some sort of dispute with the neighbor, so they decided to put up a very makeshift fence. Plywood, metal sheeting and chicken wire held together with nails sticking out all over the place. The “fence” was held up with bungee cords and twine anchoring it to the roof of the house. There were a few cinderblocks along the base of the fence for good measure. And the whole thing was covered with graffiti. > > I don’t remember the inside of that house. I think the fence blocked out any other memories. Oh lord, this brings back memories of **Normandy Beach House** - named, not because it was on a beach, but because the backyard sort of resembled the beach defences after the battle. It was paved over with concrete, but not smoothly - evidently there had been some sort of structure or installation there, which had since been demolished in a hurry - sticking out through the concrete were steel reinforcing rods here and there, some with concrete still clinging; also occasional piles of cinderblocks still stuck together. What was odd is that there was no discernable pattern - didn’t look like a backyard garage that had been destroyed, there were just a wasteland of seemingly random rods and blocks. Covering the whole backyard. All solidly cemented in. It was obvious it had been there awhile and the previous owners simply never went out there except to toss trash - it had a patena of garbage and stacks of old, rusting crap piled out there. Odd thing was that the actual house was nice. But we just couldn’t face getting rid of that. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/169 "2012-01-10T15:06:19Z")
**View Condo:** Our agent took us to several condos when we were looking for a place in Anchorage. This one was near a park and was touted to have a beautiful view. The creaky elevator took us up to about the fourth floor and we entered a place that had track lighting everywhere and dark cheapo paneling on the walls. The kitchen cabs were of poorest quality, with shelves that were so thin they were sagging even though empty. What capped it, though, was when we walked over to the window and the realtor said “. . .and a beautiful view of Cook Inlet!” Sure enough, if you looked out through the trees _and over the railroad tracks 50 yards away_, you could see the water. “The trains don’t come that often”, he says. Neither will we, I answered. When we were getting ready to sell the condo we had finally bought, we had completely renovated the kitchen and bathrooms, painted and put in new carpet. The realtor had suggested a selling price and we were thinking about it. A similar townhouse came up for sale (foreclosure) down the street in our development, so we went to take a look. It had honest-to-Og _original_ shag carpet from the 70s (this was in 2009). It was worn bare in spots, crinkled, pulled away from the walls, and smelled of the two cats that were wandering around the empty place. There were old Harvest Gold appliances from the same era, animal trophy heads on the walls, and a wall that was mirrors the entire length. The asking price was not far below what our realtor suggested. We went back to her and bumped it up by $20K, which we got. **Curry House:** The place reeked of stale Indian cooking. I love Indian food, but we would never have gotten 30 years of stank out of the walls. **Traditional and Classic:** Two terms I came to hate that are synonymous with “old”, “worn out”, or “tacky”. 30-year old appliances, shag rugs, ancient bathroom fixtures. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/170 "2012-01-10T15:15:45Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > **Traditional and Classic:** Two terms I came to hate that are synonymous with “old”, “worn out”, or “tacky”. 30-year old appliances, shag rugs, ancient bathroom fixtures. Heh I do love the euphemisms employed to describe houses. 😃 Though what I came to dislike most was places that were carelessly “done up” for sale. 'People like new bathrooms and kitchens, with granite and stainless appliances? Okay, we’ll give ‘em that’ - but in a hurry and on the cheap. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/171 "2012-01-10T15:34:44Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Heh I do love the euphemisms employed to describe houses. 😃 > > Though what I came to dislike most was places that were carelessly “done up” for sale. 'People like new bathrooms and kitchens, with granite and stainless appliances? Okay, we’ll give ‘em that’ - but in a hurry and on the cheap. I hear you on that. We did our reno work before we had decided to retire and move out of the state, so it was a good job and looked like it. Having been in construction all my life, a cheap fixit job stands out like Mount Everest to me. The house we’re in now is great in many respects, but the crappy tile repair and DIY groutwork was obvious to me. Now we’re going to have to get it replaced. First contractor comes today to give a bid. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/172 "2012-01-10T15:45:31Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > I hear you on that. We did our reno work before we had decided to retire and move out of the state, so it was a good job and looked like it. Having been in construction all my life, a cheap fixit job stands out like Mount Everest to me. The house we’re in now is great in many respects, but the crappy tile repair and DIY groutwork was obvious to me. Now we’re going to have to get it replaced. First contractor comes today to give a bid. That’s the reason in a way I actually prefer having the worn-out fixtures, orange 70s shag carpets and all the rest to a hasty ‘done up for sale’ - in both cases, you are going to have to replace eventually, but in the first case the drabness actually lowers the price, whereas in the second, you are likely to end up paying a premium for stuff you are going to replace anyway … 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/173 "2012-01-10T15:54:32Z")
You know guys I have to house hunt next year and this thread is NOT ENCOURAGING! ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/174 "2012-01-10T16:02:07Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > You know guys I have to house hunt next year and this thread is NOT ENCOURAGING! Hey, at least you will be able to classify what you are seeing. ‘Oh yeah, this must be a Cigarette House …’ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MacLir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@MacLir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacLir)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/175 "2012-01-10T16:26:43Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > Heh I do love the euphemisms employed to describe houses. 😃 There is a realtor in my area notorious for her picturesque descriptions. When we were house-hunting, we went to one she listed. the description included “Stairway to upstairs bedroom” and “beside a rushing mountain stream”. The “stairway” was a carpeted ladder going to a hatch in the high ceiling, which led to a finished garret. The “stream” was an irrigation ditch. We didn’t buy it, but we and the showing realtor had a good laugh. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/176 "2012-01-10T16:32:39Z")
> [@MacLir](#): > > There is a realtor in my area notorious for her picturesque descriptions. > > When we were house-hunting, we went to one she listed. the description included “Stairway to upstairs bedroom” That would make me nervous just because she seemed to find it necessary to say there was a stairway, rather than, say, a cannon in the living room that shot you into bed. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/177 "2012-01-10T16:35:00Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > That would make me nervous just because she seemed to find it necessary to say there was a stairway, rather than, say, a cannon in the living room that shot you into bed. The latter sounds like a house designed by my six-year-old. He’d _love_ a living room cannon-transport. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/178 "2012-01-10T16:43:39Z")
> [@Malthus](#): > > The latter sounds like a house designed by my six-year-old. He’d _love_ a living room cannon-transport. 😃 Make sure he wears a helmet! And it’s not wise to go through the ceiling. These notes brought to you by the jsgoddess Clown Circus. ---
**Author:** ![MacLir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9e8a1a/32.png) [@MacLir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacLir)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/179 "2012-01-10T16:51:49Z")
We bought and fixed up one where the previous renovations were a bit weird. A family room had been added at the back, which had moss green shag carpet with dark wood wainscoting and green-flocked and silver wallpaper in an arabesque pattern above it. With the rough stone fireplace at the end, the effect was mossy forest grotto. Adding the room had impacted the kitchen window. When they converted the former outside wall, part of the window was left as a pass-through, but only a small part, so there was essentially no outside light into the kitchen. Combine this with very dark stained wood cabinets, and the result was that you half-expected to meet Dracula at the sink. :eek: Cabinets painted a pale pink verging on off-white, rip out the wall for a breakfast bar, wallpaper removed and wall painted, and replace the carpet, and it was much nicer. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843/180 "2012-01-10T17:16:17Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > You know guys I have to house hunt next year and this thread is NOT ENCOURAGING! Just make sure the agent is showing you what you’ve asked to see. In many cases, they’re just trying to clear out old inventory rather than listening to what you tell them. Our last agent focused in very quickly on what we wanted, after a couple of missteps where we just turned around and walked out almost as soon as we walked in. If the present owner is there, refuse to look at the place. Our last selling agent was adamant about us being gone not only from the house, but from the neighborhood! It allowed her to do her job without having to filter her comments (and ours). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/house-hunting-duds/607843.md?page=10)