# How a dangerous situation was defused by the wonders of toast **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 21, 2003, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400 "2003-11-21T00:23:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/21 "2003-11-22T14:00:12Z")
In fairness to **Giraffe** , I’d suggest that **Hot Buttered Toast** : [ul] [li] Uses complete sentences[/li][li] Uses proper grammar[/li][li] Capitalizes words correctly[/li][li] Spells words correctly[/li][li] Is able to construct clear, lucid posts [/li][/ul] These abilities are the envy of many people twice her age, if the general Internet experience is any guide, and do not immediately suggest a thirteen year old of any stripe - hot, buttered, or otherwise. Kuods to **HBT** , and I think the bleach is unnecessary for **Giraffe**. - Rick ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/22 "2003-11-22T14:08:03Z")
And, of course, as I comment - even favorably - on another poster’s grammar/spelling/composition, I offer up a typo and a superfluous ‘and’ myself. Bah. ---
**Author:** ![Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b38774/32.png) [@Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hot_Buttered_Toast)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/23 "2003-11-22T16:26:47Z")
Um…thanks for the compliment, **Bricker** …_blushes_ **Giraffe** , did I mention how sorry I was for making you appear like an ephebophile, or whatever the correct term is for that? (Feel free to correct me on that word. I’m not even sure about the spelling.) ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/24 "2003-11-22T16:40:10Z")
Score another point for **Hot Buttered Toast**. Your choice of words is correct. That was a HOOT! **Giraffe** , whose posts on personal relationships are mostly spot-on, falls into it big time. **HBT** , allow me to add my kudos to **Bricker** s. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/25 "2003-11-22T16:42:07Z")
Um, that would be **Bricker** ’s.:o ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/26 "2003-11-22T20:46:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hot Buttered Toast \* > **Giraffe, did I mention how sorry I was for making you appear like an ephebophile, or whatever the correct term is for that?** Oh, there’s definitely no need to apologize. Your post rocked. The 1-2-3 punch of “I’m thirteen–and wouldn’t be interested anyway–because you eat out of the toilet” was a thing of beauty, a true masterpiece. It was an honor to be on the receiving end. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/27 "2004-05-15T18:00:19Z")
> [@Hot Buttered Toast](#): > > **Giraffe** , did I mention how sorry I was for making you appear like an ephebophile, or whatever the correct term is for that? I thought you had to be at least 14 for that? :goes off to search: ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2004, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/28 "2004-05-15T18:10:38Z")
:looks at the date of the OP: :looks at the date of her own post: :runs off, embarrassed: Psst: I was right. If the “victim” is between 14-17 and at least five years younger than the “perp”, that guy is an ephebophile. If the victim is between the ages of 1-13 and at least five years younger than the perp, then he (or she, I suppose) is a pedophile. No matter, I’m still a jackass for bumping an ancient thread… In my own defense, it was linked to in a recent thread so I assumed it was, y’know, fairly recent. There should be a rule or something. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/29 "2004-05-17T22:33:47Z")
> [@Silver Fire](#): > > Psst: I was right. If the “victim” is between 14-17 and at least five years younger than the “perp”, that guy is an ephebophile. If the victim is between the ages of 1-13 and at least five years younger than the perp, then he (or she, I suppose) is a pedophile. Well, _that’s_ a relief! Wait, no it isn’t. That’s much worse. ---
**Author:** ![GilaB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@GilaB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GilaB)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/30 "2004-05-17T22:45:02Z")
In further praise of toast, if not of **Toast** , I present [this website](http://www.thursdaynext.com/toast.html). If you’ve read “The Eyre Affair,” which I highly recommend, you’ll find it especially funny - have a look around the [rest of the website](http://www.jasperfforde.com) too. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/31 "2004-05-17T22:49:40Z")
That’s it. I am opening a **Hot Buttered Toast Stand** in NYC. Even though I don’t live there. The aroma of it would bring the sheeples to my cart. No one can resist the hypnotic smell of toast and it always tastes better somewhere other than your own kitchen. What should I charge per slice? $1? I’ll take over Trump Tower in no time. The Apprentice will be known as Open Call for Hot Bodied Non-Gay Construction Workers. AKA: Eyecandy for Women I will one day rule the World. **TOAST! GETCHER TOAST RIGHT HERE!** **Incubus** He-Man? Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/32 "2004-05-18T00:05:00Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Well, _that’s_ a relief! > Wait, no it isn’t. That’s much worse. If it’s any consolation, **Giraffe** , there’s about a 50-50 chance she’s 14 by NOW… ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/33 "2004-05-18T00:08:55Z")
You’re right! I’m not a pedophile, I’m simply a visionary ephebophile. I can’t wait to tell Mrs. Giraffe… ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/34 "2004-05-18T14:40:43Z")
At this point, I think it is clear that there is only one solution that will get Giraffe right with the world after hitting on a teen. He clearly needs to eat toast after it has been dipped in some type of body fluid. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/35 "2004-05-18T15:29:46Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > :eek: Well, now that my attempts to prey on thirteen year old girls over the Internet are finished, I think I’ll be off. If anyone needs me, I’ll be boiling myself in bleach. > > [sub]Can’t…get…clean…[/sub] Okay, just wanted you to know, was having a bad day… This made me laugh my ass off! You now owe me for ass-re-attachment services, sir! And as a side note… Mmmmm, toast! ---
**Author:** ![BoringDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@BoringDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoringDad)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/36 "2004-05-19T02:39:41Z")
> [@Silver Fire](#): > > :looks at the date of the OP: > > :looks at the date of her own post: > > :runs off, embarrassed: > > No matter, I’m still a jackass for bumping an ancient thread… I am most grateful for the bumping of the ancient toast. Not only did I get several good chuckles, I was also taught a new word by a 13 year old. And I fail to see why **Incubus** was teased for watching He-Man. He should have been teased for eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch instead of he vastly superior Cinnamon Life. ---
**Author:** ![Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b38774/32.png) [@Hot\_Buttered\_Toast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hot_Buttered_Toast)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/37 "2004-05-19T11:16:27Z")
Wasn’t this thread _dead?_ I always thought that ephebophilia meant sexual attraction to adolescents. Thanks for the information, **Silver Fire**. So, **Giraffe** , I’m fourteen now. Although I doubt that’s any consolation. …now I have the sudden urge to make toast. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/38 "2004-05-19T14:29:42Z")
I’m sure bakers around the world are enjoying the bumping of this thread. Bread sales are up. Keep helping the economy guys. Side note: **Giraffe** , I think we’re past the sandwich step. Now it needs to be toast. No zip-lock bag. Toast. I suppose you could even eat it if you wanted. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/39 "2004-05-19T15:58:08Z")
> [@Hot Buttered Toast](#): > > So, **Giraffe** , I’m fourteen now. Although I doubt that’s any consolation. > > …now I have the sudden urge to make toast. Are you coming onto me?? ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400/40 "2004-05-19T16:11:06Z")
> [@](#): > > Thanks for the information, **Silver Fire**. You’re welcome. > [@](#): > > …now I have the sudden urge to make toast. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-a-dangerous-situation-was-defused-by-the-wonders-of-toast/214400.md?page=3)