# How am I Driving? 1 800 EAT EXCREMATE! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 1, 2005, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772 "2005-02-01T14:34:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Roboto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@Mr.Roboto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Roboto)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/1 "2005-02-01T14:34:25Z")
I got turned-in! I have been accused and convicted of recklessly driving 90 MPH. Weaving in and out of traffic. Making unsafe lane changes and not using my directionals. That is what the offended driver reported (snitched) to the number on my Bumper Sticker. Now, it is all documented and in my personnel file and I have Zero recourse. What a bunch of Monkey Crap! I’d find considerable enjoyment shoving a Banana up the other drivers tailpipe! If your vehicle is dirty and another motorist is in a pissy-fit and decides they don’t like the color of your tires, they can call that number a make a Bogus complaint. Now, at the office, I am immediately under a cloud of suspicion. “Drive Safely”…“Slow Down”…“Be Curtious” No recourse, No Not Guilty…Branded: Bad Driver!!! I’m Screwed! ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/2 "2005-02-01T14:40:13Z")
So, was it all made up or did they exaggerate something that you did? ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/3 "2005-02-01T14:43:51Z")
EX-CREMATE? Is that like the Walker Co. crematorium? ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/4 "2005-02-01T14:45:27Z")
\*\*ex cre mate \*\* - \*n \* - a person you think is your friend, but who is actually a shithead. ---
**Author:** ![TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tellmei_mnotcrazy/32/3419_2.png) [@TellMeI\_mNotCrazy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TellMeI_mNotCrazy)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/5 "2005-02-01T14:48:19Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > \*\*ex cre mate \*\* - \*n \* - a person you think is your friend, but who is actually a shithead. 😃 Now that was good. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Roboto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@Mr.Roboto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Roboto)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/6 "2005-02-01T15:00:32Z")
Bubba… I’ve never driven 90 MPH in my lifetime. You can’t weave in and out of traffic in So. California unless you have a Death Wish & I know why the signals were installed on my steering column. I beleive the offended party was one of the Morons who persist to drive 55 MPH in the Fast Lane! I will usually go around these people ( weaving irratically in and out of traffic). Bogus! ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/7 "2005-02-01T15:06:49Z")
> [@Mr. Roboto](#): > > You can’t weave in and out of traffic in So. California unless you have a Death Wish > … > I will usually go around these people ( weaving irratically in and out of traffic). I have great respect for truckers and give them a wide berth on the road. Their vehicles aren’t as maneuverable and have poorer fields of vision than others. That being said, I think there may have been some merit in the complaint, and that if you’re driving a large vehicle that has a “How am I driving” sticker, or even a business phone number, you should exercise a little more caution. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/8 "2005-02-01T15:07:12Z")
Why didn’t you smear mud all over the stickers, like everybody else does? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/9 "2005-02-01T15:55:10Z")
Sounds like the pus bag who turned you in is a lying whore. What kind of impact will this negative report have on your job? (The only time I’ve ever turned in a trucker was when I saw him pass a car in a no-passing zone on a two lane highway at night where he could have easily killed someone had they been coming in the opposite direction.) ---
**Author:** ![Legolamb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@Legolamb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legolamb)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/10 "2005-02-01T16:03:38Z")
I’ve always wondered what the follow-up was from one of those calls. It’s disappointing that a company will trust a somewhat anonymous phone call over its employee without even a cursory investigation. Any idea if this will affect your job in terms of raises, promotions and the like, or will it be mostly ignored unless there are more complaints? ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/11 "2005-02-01T16:04:28Z")
I know a guy who owned a landscaping company and someone called to report an employee’s bad driving, except it was him, the owner. He told the caller to go to hell. He was a bad/crazy/aggressive driver. He also knew it and didn’t give a shit. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/12 "2005-02-01T16:58:43Z")
> [@Mr. Roboto](#): > > You can’t weave in and out of traffic in So. California unless you have a Death Wish & I know why the signals were installed on my steering column. I beleive the offended party was one of the Morons who persist to drive 55 MPH in the Fast Lane! I will usually go around these people ( weaving irratically in and out of traffic). Bogus! So you’re a trucker with a Death Wish? Eeesh. Maybe you can lobby your employer for installation of monitoring devices in the vehicles which will log speed and other parameters, if you think that will establish that you are a safe driver. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![spingears](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@spingears](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spingears)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/13 "2005-02-01T17:25:52Z")
> [@Mr. Roboto](#): > > I got turned-in! I’m Screwed! "I’m so mad I can’t spell! :rolleyes: Excremate = No Pschit! 😛 Excrement. The real thing! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/14 "2005-02-01T18:41:38Z")
> [@Mr. Roboto](#): > > Bubba… > I’ve never driven 90 MPH in my lifetime. So how fast _were_ you going? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/15 "2005-02-01T18:49:42Z")
This reminds me of an old David Letterman bit. He got in his car and started following one of these vehicles with one of these stickers on it. He called the number on his car phone and started giving them real-time updates on how the guy was driving: “He’s still doing very well. He’s making a right turn, now. He used his blinker. Now we’re proceeding up this street…” His point was that the sticker didn’t say to only call if the guy was driving BAD. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/16 "2005-02-01T18:53:46Z")
> [@blowero](#): > > So how fast _were_ you going? The speedometer only goes to 85! ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/17 "2005-02-01T18:58:04Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > This reminds me of an old David Letterman bit. He got in his car and started following one of these vehicles with one of these stickers on it. He called the number on his car phone and started giving them real-time updates on how the guy was driving: “He’s still doing very well. He’s making a right turn, now. He used his blinker. Now we’re proceeding up this street…” His point was that the sticker didn’t say to only call if the guy was driving BAD. Huh, I forgot David Letterman used to be funny… ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/18 "2005-02-01T19:01:24Z")
> [@Legolamb](#): > > I’ve always wondered what the follow-up was from one of those calls. It’s disappointing that a company will trust a somewhat anonymous phone call over its employee without even a cursory investigation. > > Any idea if this will affect your job in terms of raises, promotions and the like, or will it be mostly ignored unless there are more complaints? I would hope that you’d have to get a certain number of complaints before any action is taken. One complaint could be a fluke, but if you got like 10 in a week, then… ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Goob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c77e96/32.png) [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/19 "2005-02-01T19:32:19Z")
I feel for you. When I was driving local delivery I won’t say my driving style changed when I was in a truck with lettering and a phone number on the side or not. However that dictated if I would use certain hand signals or not. One morning I answered the phone in the warehouse and some guy politely asked to talk to the manager about an incident earlier that morning with one of the trucks that almost hit him. The boss was the only one who had been out and back so far that morning. When I put the call on hold and called for him to pick up I told him what it was about. “Oh really” he said. _click_ That was me you fucking idiot, what the hell were YOU doing scooting between a 20 ton truck making fucking beeping noises in reverse and a loading dock? Fuck off! _slam_ _sniff_ that still bring a tear to my eye for his eloquence. ---
**Author:** ![Legolamb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@Legolamb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legolamb)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772/20 "2005-02-01T20:03:02Z")
> [@blowero](#): > > I would hope that you’d have to get a certain number of complaints before any action is taken. One complaint could be a fluke, but if you got like 10 in a week, then… Well yeah, I’d hope so too, but it doesn’t seem like **Mr Roboto** ’s company are going out of there way to listen to his side of the story at the moment so that’s why I asked. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-am-i-driving-1-800-eat-excremate/287772.md?page=2)