# How are you supposed to wear tube socks? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 7, 2014, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958 "2014-11-07T05:31:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2014, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/41 "2014-11-08T05:39:59Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#): > > And masterbation There was a fellow on my rugby team who liked to wander about at the parties naked except for two shoes and one tube sock. He’d stagger about poking women with it, saying it was his condom. What was impressive was that although he was moderately drunk, his flagpole stayed up for the task. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2014, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/42 "2014-11-08T05:46:48Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Especially after they’ve been soaking in the hot springs for awhile. Makes the meat fall-off-the-bone tender. Hot springs are Mother Nature’s slow-cooker. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2014, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/43 "2014-11-08T05:51:47Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > I find tube socks awkward to wear. > . . . . > What does everyone else do? I don’t wear tube socks. Problem solved. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2014, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/44 "2014-11-08T05:53:27Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > I don’t wear tube socks. Problem solved. You have not solved my problem. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/45 "2014-11-09T06:14:56Z")
You don’t wear tube socks, tube socks wear you. No matter how you put them on, there’s too much material bunched in front. Turn them over, you have the same problem. They’re a poor excuse for socks. And they look awful pulled up or bunched down. Get rid of them, or consign them to the garage as rags. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/46 "2014-11-09T07:21:16Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > You have not solved my problem. Well if you’re still looking for a use for tube socks other than wearing them as socks, you could do what a friend of my did. She partially filed a pair of tube socks with small baggies of sand, pulled pantihose over the socks, and wrapped the assemblage behind her neck and over her shoulders so that they hung down her chest, inside her blouse. A group of us (aside from myself, all women in their late fifties to mid-seventies who were breast cancer survivors) were having a lovely dinner at one of the nicer restaurants in town, when in she walked and called out “Does anyone want to feel my boobs?” So we took turns feeling her boobs, and of course laughing when we discovered that they really weren’t her boobs. Then a waitress came to ask her what she wanted to drink. (Well, you can see where this is going.) My friend tried to barter – milk in exchange for a drink. Then she undid a few buttons on her blouse, pulled the bottom few inches of one of her boobs, and started to swing it about slightly. In the dim light of the restaurant, it actually looked like a very saggy breast, so diners at other tables in the restaurant were giving her some very odd looks. Once the boob was out of the bag (her words, not mine), the waitress played along by holding it and complimenting my friend oh how nice her boob was. So there you go. That’s something that you too can do with your tube socks rather than wear them on your feet. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/47 "2014-11-09T07:29:16Z")
Or just toss a bar of soap in one and pretend it is a self-sudsing lufa in the sauna. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/48 "2014-11-09T07:37:30Z")
You do realize, of course, that all this business about tube socks being socks is just marketing propaganda. Whatever they are, they are, with all sorts of cool and groovy uses, but one thing they are not is socks. ---
**Author:** ![Npatient1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Npatient1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Npatient1)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/49 "2014-11-09T07:47:11Z")
For females, pull sock all the way up. Grab a cute skirt or some shorts and sashay around the house. That’s it! ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/50 "2014-11-09T15:20:42Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Well if you’re still looking for a use for tube socks other than wearing them as socks, you could do what a friend of my did. She partially filed a pair of tube socks with small baggies of sand, pulled pantihose over the socks, and wrapped the assemblage behind her neck and over her shoulders so that they hung down her chest, inside her blouse. > > A group of us (aside from myself, all women in their late fifties to mid-seventies who were breast cancer survivors) were having a lovely dinner at one of the nicer restaurants in town, when in she walked and called out “Does anyone want to feel my boobs?” So we took turns feeling her boobs, and of course laughing when we discovered that they really weren’t her boobs. > > Then a waitress came to ask her what she wanted to drink. (Well, you can see where this is going.) My friend tried to barter – milk in exchange for a drink. Then she undid a few buttons on her blouse, pulled the bottom few inches of one of her boobs, and started to swing it about slightly. In the dim light of the restaurant, it actually looked like a very saggy breast, so diners at other tables in the restaurant were giving her some very odd looks. Once the boob was out of the bag (her words, not mine), the waitress played along by holding it and complimenting my friend oh how nice her boob was. > > So there you go. That’s something that you too can do with your tube socks rather than wear them on your feet. I’m a 40 year old guy, so if I did this I would probably get arrested. > [@Npatient1](#): > > For females, pull sock all the way up. Grab a cute skirt or some shorts and sashay around the house. That’s it! I might try this, though. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2014, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958/51 "2014-11-09T18:44:20Z")
In high school we had an assignment to pick some kind of object and write a paper about uses other than the intended use. I chose socks. The teacher liked my paper and read it to the class, but she didn’t tell them the title, which was “The Joy of Socks.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-are-you-supposed-to-wear-tube-socks/703958.md?page=2)