# How averse are women to asking a man out? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 17, 2019, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387 "2019-09-17T16:51:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2019, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/81 "2019-09-23T20:54:22Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > I think that gender is a factor in how one acts in response to rejection, but may not be a factor in how strongly one feels about it. I think men are more likely to react with anger against the rejector, which may be expressed at the rejector; and women more likely to react with embarrassment and anger against themselves, feeling that they’ve done something wrong by asking; though there are of course many exceptions in both groups. And it’s hard to tell how much of the difference in types of action between genders is due to societal influence, though I’m sure societal influence is at least part of it. > > I agree that low self-confidence may result in missing signals of interest; I think that’s probably a factor for people of any gender. I was definitely in the “embarrassment and anger against themselves” category. I can understand any woman who has felt that way not wanting to ask a man (or woman, for that matter) out. It’s what made me almost incapable of asking women out. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2019, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/82 "2019-09-24T10:21:00Z")
This is why I think so many people are fine with having someone else set them up or arrange a chance to meet someone. At least if someone else knows you and knows them, they might already do the pre-screening thing and have an idea if your a suitable match. So lets say wife has some single female friends from work and asks her husband if he has any single male friends and they can compare notes and maybe set them up. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2019, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/83 "2019-09-24T13:19:42Z")
There’s been a lot I’ve wanted to respond to in this thread, but I’ve been really quite swamped. However… > [@Urbanredneck](#): > > This is why I think so many people are fine with having someone else set them up or arrange a chance to meet someone. At least if someone else knows you and knows them, they might already do the pre-screening thing and have an idea if your a suitable match. > > So lets say wife has some single female friends from work and asks her husband if he has any single male friends and they can compare notes and maybe set them up. How often does that happen in the real world, and not just TV sitcoms? I’ve had lots of people talk about possibly setting me up with someone, but I can only think of one who actually tried it. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2019, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/84 "2019-09-24T16:32:18Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > There’s been a lot I’ve wanted to respond to in this thread, but I’ve been really quite swamped. However… > > How often does that happen in the real world, and not just TV sitcoms? I’ve had lots of people talk about possibly setting me up with someone, but I can only think of one who actually tried it. Nowadays not too often. I had it happen a couple of times to me back in the day. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2019, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/85 "2019-09-24T18:16:49Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Nowadays not too often. I had it happen a couple of times to me back in the day. When was “the day” for you? I’m in my mid-50s; there’s been plenty of time. ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2019, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/86 "2019-09-24T18:51:42Z")
Did we include the “How Couples Met” chart (updated) in this thread yet? [Guardian article with chart updated in 2019](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jul/22/why-childhood-sweethearts-no-longer-measure-up-and-six-other-ways-dating-has-changed) Met thru friends still up there but fading fast, introduced thru family getting low… ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2019, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/87 "2019-09-24T19:47:47Z")
> [@SirRay](#): > > Did we include the “How Couples Met” chart (updated) in this thread yet? > > [Guardian article with chart updated in 2019](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jul/22/why-childhood-sweethearts-no-longer-measure-up-and-six-other-ways-dating-has-changed) > Met thru friends still up there but fading fast, introduced thru family getting low… Wow, that link showed\*\* everything\*\* besides meeting someone online is going down. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2019, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/88 "2019-09-24T21:33:20Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Wow, that link showed\*\* everything\*\* besides meeting someone online is going down. No, meeting in bars is on the rise too. Not that I’d ever go to a bar, mind you. Or talk to a person online. (I presume you guys are hamsters.) ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2019, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/89 "2019-09-24T22:36:52Z")
Correcting myself - reading further that article says that the bar/restaurant meetings are just erroneously recorded online meetings. Sorry **Urbanredneck**. Am I the only person who doesn’t think they’d have a chance in an online dating environment? I’m not a perfect catch, and when the dating pool has thousands or millions in it I can’t imagine I’d rise to the top. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2019, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/90 "2019-09-24T23:16:26Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > Correcting myself - reading further that article says that the bar/restaurant meetings are just erroneously recorded online meetings. Sorry **Urbanredneck**. > > Am I the only person who doesn’t think they’d have a chance in an online dating environment? I’m not a perfect catch, and when the dating pool has thousands or millions in it I can’t imagine I’d rise to the top. In the early days of online dating I compared the number of male profiles to the number of female profiles. The difference was enough for me to conclude that I didn’t have a prayer. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2019, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/91 "2019-09-25T10:31:51Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > So lets say wife has some single female friends from work and asks her husband if he has any single male friends and they can compare notes and maybe set them up. I dunno… My married friends’ screening systems seem to be “they’re both single.” The typical fix-ups I’ve had, I discover there are three people who don’t know me at all. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2019, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/92 "2019-09-25T13:07:56Z")
> [@P-man](#): > > In the early days of online dating I compared the number of male profiles to the number of female profiles. The difference was enough for me to conclude that I didn’t have a prayer. I wonder if that’s still true, or true across all online dating sites. There are roughly the same number of men and women, roughly the same number must be single; I wonder why one gender would outnumber the other in online dating. And it’s not like trying online dating means you can’t try other avenues of meeting people, too. Every little bit helps. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2019, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/93 "2019-09-25T13:10:22Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > Am I the only person who doesn’t think they’d have a chance in an online dating environment? I’m not a perfect catch, and when the dating pool has thousands or millions in it I can’t imagine I’d rise to the top. The advantage of online dating (not superficial sites like Tinder, but your more classical [Match.com](http://Match.com) types) is that you can showcase your personality and communication skills in a way that is not possible with strangers in the real world. A little effort goes a long way because so many men don’t put in any real effort. They focus on quantity rather than quality. For instance, they send obviously low effort emails (“How you doin’?” and nothing else) that show zero indication they have even read your profile or are interested in anything specific about you. When I was single and got emails like this, I ignored them even when I was at my loneliest. My advice for approaching this is to be the guy that women enjoy talking to. Talking (either by email or phone) is the first step to dating and romance, but it’s easy to psych yourself out if you only focus on the latter. Put together a clever profile and send emails that are thoughtful and engaging to women who seem at least remotely interesting and attractive you, and see what happens. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2019, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/94 "2019-09-25T13:25:35Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I wonder if that’s still true, or true across all online dating sites. There are roughly the same number of men and women, roughly the same number must be single; I wonder why one gender would outnumber the other in online dating. Four hypotheses: 1. Many women are leery about meeting men online because of the perception that they are more risky than men met IRL. I don’t understand this belief at all, but I’ve encountered it plenty of times. 2. Not all men with profiles are truly single. They may keep their online accounts open just to see what’s out there just for curiosity sake, or they may actually be pretending to be single so they can cheat. I have no idea if this is very common, but it’s possible that it is. 3. Single women may be more comfortable staying single than single men are. 4. Men are the initiators more than women are, so they will take advantage of more opportunities to hit on someone. ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2019, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/95 "2019-09-25T13:40:34Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I wonder if that’s still true, or true across all online dating sites. There are roughly the same number of men and women, roughly the same number must be single; I wonder why one gender would outnumber the other in online dating. Well… As for Tinder: [Distribution of Tinder Users as of June 2019 (by Gender)](https://www.statista.com/statistics/975925/us-tinder-user-ratio-gender/) Spoiler Alert in case a Paywall appears: Ratio of 76.9 Male to 23.1 Female (A ratio that makes Ashley Madison’s ratio during the peak of their fake profile scandal look amazing) Shame OKCupid was sliced and diced by it’s owner Match Group (ahem) into a half…, no, quarter…, no eighth-butt Tinder clone. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2019, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/96 "2019-09-25T15:18:59Z")
I am married now and have been for a long time, but back in my dating days I had many women ask me out - and they didn’t seem shy or hesitant about it. It usually went something like: “Would you please just get out of my life?” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2019, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/97 "2019-09-25T19:07:48Z")
> [@P-man](#): > > In the early days of online dating I compared the number of male profiles to the number of female profiles. The difference was enough for me to conclude that I didn’t have a prayer. Well back in my day in the 90’s when you put this ad in a newspaper, it was the same. What you did was send a letter to the paper and they would forward it to the person. It was more men than women. But that didnt mean alot of women didnt check out the ads because I got lots of dates off them. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2019, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/98 "2019-09-25T19:15:55Z")
Dont ask me where but I remember about 20 years ago 3 men rented a billboard going into a major city advertising for women. It had to be an expensive billboard but all it has was there ages, race, and incomes with an address and they received hundreds of replys. Also there used to be a laundromat called “Duds and Suds” which worked kind of like a singles bar because you could bring your laundry in (most single people need to right?) and could get a beer at the same time. I met my wife thru a singles ministry at church. It was great. Even if you didnt find anyone we had weekly events which kept you busy and involved. We did sports, outings, canoe trips, community service, etc… We also had holiday meals so you didnt have to be the lonely person with family. It was divided by age so I was in the 20-40 group. ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2019, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/99 "2019-09-25T19:49:25Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Well back in my day in the 90’s when you put this ad in a newspaper, it was the same. What you did was send a letter to the paper and they would forward it to the person. It was more men than women. But that didnt mean alot of women didnt check out the ads because I got lots of dates off them. I recall the sea of ads in the local newspaper in the 1990s, although by the time I was looking thru them they had changed to having you leave a voice message to respond to a given ad (at whatever cost per minute I don’t recall). Most ads I seem to recall being men looking for women, at least in the under 70 category. I don’t recall how long that voice mail format lasted, I guess not much past the turn of the century when a lot went on-line. Speaking of on-line, I know I posted on these boards some time ago about how I noticed when the local late-but-not-lamented personal listings on Craigslist had more WfW than WfM (MfW, forget it that always had at least 15-20x the WfW listings on a good day). ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2019, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387/100 "2019-09-25T20:06:50Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > Dont ask me where but I remember about 20 years ago 3 men rented a billboard going into a major city advertising for women. Apparently still [happens in some form even today](https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/lifestyle-buzz/a-mystery-millionaire-is-using-billboards-to-get-dates/ar-AAB2cVc) > [@](#): > > I met my wife thru a singles ministry at church. It was great. Even if you didnt find anyone we had weekly events which kept you busy and involved. We did sports, outings, canoe trips, community service, etc… We also had holiday meals so you didnt have to be the lonely person with family. It was divided by age so I was in the 20-40 group. I missed the golden age of Catholic singles groups in my area (apparently the 1970 & 1980s), but there were some around the turn of the century and later (I helped run one at one point), although almost all have petered out. Meetup groups ended many of the remainder, but not all that many great singles (oops, sorry, social) meetups around here. The ones that do, events often involve watching a free concert at a local bar (dance club? they’re all but dead here). So much for that great refrain from years past - ‘Tired of the bar scene’ 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-averse-are-women-to-asking-a-man-out/840387.md?page=6)