# How bad is the Jessica and Nick Variety Show gonna suck? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 7, 2004, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773 "2004-04-07T16:32:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/1 "2004-04-07T16:32:19Z")
I hope not too bad. I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for Nick and it looks like this may be the only chance his post boy-band career has got. But they hav Johnny Bench as a guest. This does not bode well. I predict: Jessica will make stupid jokes on how stupid she is. I don’t think she realizes it’s the unscriptedness of her stupidity that’s so hilarious. Nick will sing badly. Other member of 98 degrees will show up frequently. We will not be seeing the Sister in law. Too bad. I love the snarky biatch. It will last for 6 episodes. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/2 "2004-04-07T16:38:58Z")
Is this a special or is it an actual series? Because if it’s a series I’m envisioning some sort of infinite recursiveness between it and the Newlyweds show, building in intensity until it triggers the death of the universe. So yeah, I’m kind of thinking it will suck. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/3 "2004-04-07T16:42:23Z")
I dunno. Normally, my first thought would be, “This will suck.” But we live in an age where reality TV is now the norm. The idea of watching Jessica try to act, try to be funny, when anyone who cares already knows what she’s like, well… who knows? If nothing else, people will stare at her breasts. Will they support the show? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/4 "2004-04-07T16:50:48Z")
Oh, this is going to suck in a delicious way that few things have ever sucked before. It’ll set new sucky records on the suckitude scale. There’ll be more suck spewed out than if a hundred thousand suckpires flew out of the night and injected the populace with an overdose of suck. A greater amount of suck would have the potential to turn ABC Studios into a black hole. It’ll be as if God decided to turn rain into suckiness and cause another great flood. Oh, it’s gonna be fun to watch. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/5 "2004-04-07T17:00:07Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Oh, this is going to suck in a delicious way that few things have ever sucked before. Are you old enough to remember _Pink Lady and Jeff_? ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/6 "2004-04-07T17:09:59Z")
I remember Pink Lady And Jeff. It was hilarious. Not in a Carol Burnett kind of way, but in a “Keystone Kops vainly attempting to prevent a train wreck” kind of way. I was sorry to see it go. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/7 "2004-04-07T17:17:07Z")
> [@Master Wang-Ka](#): > > I remember Pink Lady And Jeff. > > It was hilarious. Not in a Carol Burnett kind of way, but in a “Keystone Kops vainly attempting to prevent a train wreck” kind of way. > > I was sorry to see it go. Trio showed episodes of _Pink Lady and Jeff_ a while back. The unPCness of it was hilarious! Other than that, it sucked…hard. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/8 "2004-04-07T19:12:48Z")
We needed something to make **The Brady Bunch Variety Hour** look good just to redeem Bruce Vilanch’s self-esteem. _Good for him._ This will be to the new millenium what the Sonny and Cher Show would have been to the 1970’s if Sonny was supposed to be the sexy one and Cher was supposed to be the straight man\*. \*We can all tell that Cher is really a gay man in fabulous drag. Isn’t it obvious. While she has a great tuck going on, she has an INCREDIBLE package! WOAH! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/9 "2004-04-07T19:18:09Z")
Was it me having another hallucination, or did I see Jessica flying across the stage on a preview for this show? I saw her trying to do laundry on their reality show, and she’s so vacuous that it was actually painful to watch. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/10 "2004-04-07T19:19:52Z")
Then she kept asking Nick if her butt looked “adorable” in the particular jeans she was wearing. It did. She looks like she was beaten senseless with an Adorable Stick. The accent would be on “senseless.” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/11 "2004-04-07T19:30:32Z")
If I were to watch the show (which I won’t) I think I would be calling my friend the next day and saying, “Yeah, that _Nick & Jessica Show_ sure did suck last night. It just plain sucked! I’ve seen shows suck before but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! I gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.” ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/12 "2004-04-07T19:46:34Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Oh, this is going to suck in a delicious way that few things have ever sucked before. It’ll set new sucky records on the suckitude scale. There’ll be more suck spewed out than if a hundred thousand suckpires flew out of the night and injected the populace with an overdose of suck. A greater amount of suck would have the potential to turn ABC Studios into a black hole. It’ll be as if God decided to turn rain into suckiness and cause another great flood. > > Oh, it’s gonna be fun to watch. 😃 Bwahahahaha! Can I at least borrow part of this as a sig? I swear, it’s got to be really applicable to _tons_ of things. 🙂 Oh, and **Master Wang-Ka** who said this: > [@](#): > > If nothing else, people will stare at her breasts. Will they support the show? Where you asking about the people or her breasts? [channeling JS] I just can’t imagine whichever you _mean_!!! [/channeling JS] 😃 As to the OP, I can’t imagine the show making it for long. However, stranger things have happened and it definitely has that ‘train wreck’ sort of feel. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/13 "2004-04-07T19:57:23Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Oh, this is going to suck in a delicious way that few things have ever sucked before. It’ll set new sucky records on the suckitude scale. There’ll be more suck spewed out than if a hundred thousand suckpires flew out of the night and injected the populace with an overdose of suck. A greater amount of suck would have the potential to turn ABC Studios into a black hole. It’ll be as if God decided to turn rain into suckiness and cause another great flood. > > Oh, it’s gonna be fun to watch. 😃 This is going off the suckosity scale like a shooting rocket. The suckification of television has reached a new, soul-sucking low. It will be suck-ulent. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/14 "2004-04-07T20:04:16Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Then she kept asking Nick if her butt looked “adorable” in the particular jeans she was wearing. > > It did. > > She looks like she was beaten senseless with an Adorable Stick. The accent would be on “senseless.” She certainly wasn’t beaten with the talent stick. I saw her singing on **SNL** and thought she represented every single bad stereotype of modern pop music. She should be used as a “Performing Don’ts” on **American Idol**. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/15 "2004-04-07T20:19:21Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Are you old enough to remember _Pink Lady and Jeff_? I remember PL&J. I also remember [the original Mr T](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074027/combined). ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/16 "2004-04-07T20:45:56Z")
> [@hopefool](#): > > Bwahahahaha! Can I at least borrow part of this as a sig? Heh…but of course. Just make sure it is used for purposes of good and not evil. 🙂 Awww, hell, use it for evil if you want. Whadda I care? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/17 "2004-04-07T21:57:19Z")
> [@Mockingbird](#): > > This will be to the new millenium what the Sonny and Cher Show would have been to the 1970’s if Sonny was supposed to be the sexy one and Cher was supposed to be the straight man\*. I read the thread title and thought: “I wonder if they’ll sing _I Got You, Babe_ at the end of every episode?” ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/18 "2004-04-07T23:30:47Z")
Don’t worry too much about Nick, **Biggirl**. I’ve read that he has some acting gigs lined up, and I think that will be his next career. I can’t find the info now (it was taken down from the site I read it at), but he did have a few guest appearences lined up, and I think they were talking about maybe a movie as well. It looks pretty good for him from what I’ve read, but strangely, none of it has been mentioned at all on their show. I’m guessing the one-sided appearence of Jessica’s career and Nick’s lack of one is Creepy Pa Simpsons interference in the editing booth. Of course, I don’t think this pile of suck will look good on his resume, and I’m not too hopeful about Jessica’s sitcom being worthwhile (supposedly he has a part on that too), but then again, it’s hard for me to have a soft spot for Nick since he married the queen of stupid. I’ll probably like him better after the divorce… ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/19 "2004-04-08T00:03:49Z")
> [@Fairblue](#): > > … but then again, it’s hard for me to have a soft spot for Nick since he married the queen of stupid. > > I’ll probably like him better after the divorce… It’s the fact that he married and so obviously loves the queen of stupid that I find so endearing. That and his never ending suprise at how stupid she can be. I just love it when his eyes bug and his jaw drops when she says something like “I don’t think I’d like buffalo.” when discussing Buffalo wings. His pitiful, “Come _on_ Jessica. You _know_ this!” makes me wanna kiss one of those big ole biceps of his. This also makes me believe that Jessica isn’t play-acting. I heart Nick –_Baby!_– Lachey. ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2004, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773/20 "2004-04-08T00:40:46Z")
Awwww…that’s so sweet. _big sigh_ Hey, quit that! You’ll make me have a soft spot for him, too! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-bad-is-the-jessica-and-nick-variety-show-gonna-suck/238773.md?page=2)