# How best could Episode VII piss off fans? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 31, 2012, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398 "2012-10-31T04:07:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/21 "2012-10-31T09:11:52Z")
> [@Hail\_Ants](#): > > **How best could Episode VII piss off fans?** > > Simple. By letting George Lucas have _ **absolutely anything whatsoever** _ to do with it! (Aside from cutting the check)… I thought that giving him the script or directing duties (where he messed up most before) might be a laugh, but having his name anywhere in the credits would get someone’s teeth grinding. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/22 "2012-10-31T09:12:18Z")
> [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](#): > > Ewoks. Lots and lots of Ewoks… Have a genetic alteration virus turn _everyone_ into Ewoks. _Except_ for a Sith Empire composed of Force-capable Jar Jar Binks clones in black robes. ---
**Author:** ![sparky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@sparky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sparky_1)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/23 "2012-10-31T11:49:06Z")
Cleverly edit and release Episode I as Episode VII. Really, I bet it could be done, and still result in a better film than the turd from 1999. Though that still isn’t saying much. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/24 "2012-10-31T12:17:00Z")
_Ewoks vs. Jar Jar Binks_ in Sensurround ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/25 "2012-10-31T12:21:11Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > _Ewoks vs. Jar Jar Binks_ in Sensurround With a highly explicit Ewok victory orgy. “I…don’t think Ewoks are all that cute anymore.” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/26 "2012-10-31T12:31:26Z")
An Alternate Universe re-telling of the story from the first movie that re-imagines it for a modern audience. Princess Leia played by Janeane Garofolo as a wisecracking lesbian. Han(nah) Solo played by Marcia Warfield as a wisecracking lesbian. Darla Vader voiced by Kathleen Turner as an angry wisecracking lesbian. Luca Skywalker played by Noelle Messier as a naive wisecracking lesbian. Obigyn Kenobi played by Faye Dunaway as an aging, world-weary wisecracking lesbian. Chewbacca played by Grace Jones, voiced by Rosie O’Donnell as a wisecracking lesbian (lines subtitled). ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/27 "2012-10-31T12:47:51Z")
Directed by Ang Lee ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/28 "2012-10-31T12:48:17Z")
Crossover with Star Trek by having Wesley Crusher do a walkon to save the main Republic base. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/29 "2012-10-31T12:54:40Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > An Alternate Universe re-telling of the story from the first movie that re-imagines it for a modern audience. > Princess Leia played by Janeane Garofolo as a wisecracking lesbian. > Han(nah) Solo played by Marcia Warfield as a wisecracking lesbian. > Darla Vader voiced by Kathleen Turner as an angry wisecracking lesbian. > Luca Skywalker played by Noelle Messier as a naive wisecracking lesbian. > Obigyn Kenobi played by Faye Dunaway as an aging, world-weary wisecracking lesbian. > Chewbacca played by Grace Jones, voiced by Rosie O’Donnell as a wisecracking lesbian (lines subtitled). And that’s different from the originals…how? Plus there better be a Padme, Sabe and Dorme threesome scene, with original actresses, no recasting. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/30 "2012-10-31T12:57:07Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Directed by Ang Lee Directed by Chris Columbus. Using Mo-Cap. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/31 "2012-10-31T13:03:50Z")
"My name is Solo ---- Han Solo. And I like my Nerf-Herder Special shaken, not stirred." ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/32 "2012-10-31T13:10:32Z")
_Episode VII: The Star Wars Christmas Special_ I win. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/33 "2012-10-31T13:33:28Z")
I like **kaylasdad99** ’s version. My suggestion: Episode 7: Luke turns evil. Luke’s son (Luke Jr.) talks to his girlfriend about sand and then beats up on his dad. Episode 8: Luke Jr. turns evil. Luke III talks to his girlfriend about sand and then beats up on his dad. Episode 9: Luke III turns evil. More sand talk and more paternal ass-whuppings. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/34 "2012-10-31T13:52:49Z")
Han Solo and Chewie sell the Millennium Falcon to Jar Jar and Wicket. Hijinks ensue. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/35 "2012-10-31T13:56:30Z")
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#): > > I dunno, that might work. Isn’t there something in the EU about Han and Leia having kids who grow up to be Jedi? Having the old cast (in minor roles) as parents of adult offspring in _Star Wars: The Next Generation_ wouldn’t be the worst idea. Okay, so the bar isn’t very high, but still. No, the original characters from eps IV-VI, need to be in VII, but in a way that makes them completely different from how they were then (not in an interesting character development as they mature way, just completely different personalities). So, Leia reveals she was just flirting with Han (and Luke?) to keep him in the Rebellion, Luke talks about how much he was motivated by hopes of financial reward, and so on. As a bonus, it should be shown that the victory of Ep VI (really everything in Ep IV-VI) was pointless. Maybe the Force-ghost of Vader reveals (in a chatty, gossipy, almost comic relief way) that the Force naturally balances things, and the Emperor was turning to the Light Side and about to peacefully retire. THEN the wisecracking prepubescent cutie’s adventures begin (with two new droids as companions. Child droids, of course. No, don’t ask how that works). Oh, and her adventure is resolved by some technology or Force power that was clearly stated to be impossible in Eps I-VI. Add in some (OK, not some, lots of) gratuitous yet unsatisfactory CGI, some gratuitous Jar-Jar, Jr. appearances and I think we’re good to go. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/36 "2012-10-31T14:15:27Z")
For the most enthusiastic fans, the movie will be a piss-off simply by being made. There really is no pleasing you people. Nobody else will be pissed off by Episode VII. ---
**Author:** ![Bakhesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Bakhesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bakhesh)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/37 "2012-10-31T14:54:26Z")
> [@Dr\_Doom](#): > > For the most enthusiastic fans, the movie will be a piss-off simply by being made. > > There really is no pleasing you people. > > Nobody else will be pissed off by Episode VII. Sorry, but that’s garbage. Star Wars is an incredibly rich universe, one that is rife with story telling opportunities. It takes quite a special talent to completely screw up the a star wars film. Even the prequels would have been decent enough for me if George Lucas had let someone else direct. The overall themes of the movies werefine, and there is an amazing level of imagination that went into building upthe Star Wars universe Lucas managed to complete screw it up by creating his characters based on what would make a good toy, giving his actors no direction and terrible dialogue to work with, then ignoring his own continuity and taking ridiculous short cuts with the plot (“She died of a broken heart”? Come on!). Even then he was able to occasionally do something great (such as the Darth Maul fight at the end of TPM) Most fans will be thrilled with the idea of a new SW film. We just require a director with a basic film-making skill set ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/38 "2012-10-31T14:55:40Z")
_Star Wars Episode VII: Dude, Where’s My X-Wing?_ ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Doom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Dr\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Doom)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/39 "2012-10-31T14:58:32Z")
> [@Bakhesh](#): > > Sorry, but that’s garbage. > [@](#): > > Lucas managed to complete screw it up… Okey dokey, then. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/40 "2012-10-31T15:03:39Z")
At this point, a large portion of the fanbase will consist of people who were wide-eyed kids when Episode I came out, so I’m guessing one source of disappointment will be “not enough Jar-Jar.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398.md?page=3)