# How best could Episode VII piss off fans? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 31, 2012, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398 "2012-10-31T04:07:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/41 "2012-10-31T15:38:20Z")
> [@Bakhesh](#): > > giving his actors no direction and terrible dialogue to work with, According to Hayden Christianson Lucas gave him lots of direction which is why his performance sucked. Hayden gave an interview saying he acted how he thought it would be good but then Lucas would tell him to do it differently until he did it the way Lucas wanted. I remember reading that Hayden said he was tired of people calling him a shitty actor and basically said, “I gave the exact performance Lucas wanted.” ---
**Author:** ![Bakhesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Bakhesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bakhesh)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/42 "2012-10-31T15:42:33Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > According to Hayden Christianson Lucas gave him lots of direction which is why his performance sucked. Hayden gave an interview saying he acted how he thought it would be good but then Lucas would tell him to do it differently until he did it the way Lucas wanted. I remember reading that Hayden said he was tired of people calling him a shitty actor and basically said, “I gave the exact performance Lucas wanted.” People often give Hayden Christianson a hard time, but personally, I thought Ewan McGregor was equally bad, and he is a pretty well established actor. I was listening to an interview with Peter Serafinowicz the other day (voice of Darth Maul), and he complained that the only direction he ever got from Lucas was “Just make him sound really evil”. I think I remember hearing similar comments from Carrie Fisher too ---
**Author:** ![fiddlesticks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddlesticks/32/18129_2.png) [@fiddlesticks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fiddlesticks)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/43 "2012-10-31T16:32:51Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Crossover with Star Trek by having Wesley Crusher do a walkon to save the main Republic base. With math! ---
**Author:** ![Stark\_Raven\_Mad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Stark\_Raven\_Mad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stark_Raven_Mad)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/44 "2012-10-31T16:38:19Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > At this point, a large portion of the fanbase will consist of people who were wide-eyed kids when Episode I came out, so I’m guessing one source of disappointment will be “not enough Jar-Jar.” Jar Jar is pretty universally loathed. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/45 "2012-10-31T17:21:46Z")
Directed by David Lynch, with the same sensibility he brought to **Dune** It takes place at Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/46 "2012-10-31T17:24:49Z")
Trade disputes in the senate lead to a recall, then, new election. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/47 "2012-10-31T17:51:57Z")
Have Episodes VII-IX take place on present-day Earth. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/48 "2012-10-31T18:19:10Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > According to Hayden Christianson Lucas gave him lots of direction which is why his performance sucked. Hayden gave an interview saying he acted how he thought it would be good but then Lucas would tell him to do it differently until he did it the way Lucas wanted. I remember reading that Hayden said he was tired of people calling him a shitty actor and basically said, “I gave the exact performance Lucas wanted.” in Episode II, yes. He was asked to play a whiny teen and he gave an excellent performance as one. It’s just not what the story needed. In Episode III he was rather good and at times excellent. Anakins reaction to news of Padmes pregnancy is one of the best acted scenes in the whole saga. I suppose they shot that when George was of at the buffet. It’s interesting to note that the few bits of good dialogue that Anakin has with Padme is when the actors ad libbed it, see aggressive negotiations bit. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/49 "2012-10-31T18:25:58Z")
Set the movie in a Jedi academy where we follow the exploits of a youngling named Harlee Patter as he tracks down the Kaiburr Crystal on Mimban. And there you have it: _Star Wars, Episode VII: Harlee Patter and the Force Users Stone._ ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/50 "2012-10-31T18:37:15Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Have Episodes VII-IX take place on present-day Earth. That might actually be good. People lightsaber dueling in Disneyland just outside of the Star Tours ride and a bunch of people gather around thinking it’s a show until onlookers start getting hacked in half. The first to die is a little boy thinking it’s a show and running up to fight the Sith with his little plastic lightsabor and the Sith slices his head off. ---
**Author:** ![RetroVertigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b38774/32.png) [@RetroVertigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RetroVertigo)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/51 "2012-10-31T18:43:54Z")
**Pixar Presents:** ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/52 "2012-10-31T19:36:39Z")
I think that could work too. Have it be the wacky adventures of R2-D2 and C3PO, sort of like Toy Story like in hijinks, and some Ewoks, so you can sell some plush dolls to the kids. Maybe the two droids and their new Ewok Jedi friend. Like this cute little guy: [http://a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/114/03e9d0fe0047442f84f3aa2415e18e21/l.jpg](http://a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/114/03e9d0fe0047442f84f3aa2415e18e21/l.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/53 "2012-10-31T19:44:59Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Mr. and Mrs Solo are going out to dinner to celebrate their fifteenth wedding anniversary. But who’s going to watch the kids? There’s 12-year old Lucas (named for his uncle Luke) right at the awkward, gangly part of space puberty, 9-year old Ami (named for the late Grandma Amidala), a smart-mouthed prepubescent cutie, such as are found all over EVERY galaxy, near or far. Bringing up the rear is little 4-year old Anikin, who doesn’t do much, but the Force is VERY strong in HIM. Who’s going to be able to keep up with these irrepressible little dynamos? > > Well, probably not old uncle Jar-Jar, but he’s the only one available. Han and Leia are just gonna have to hope for the best. > > The best is not to be, unfortunately, because guess who just got out of space jail? Why, it’s Rocky the Hutt, not pleased that his uncle Jabba has shuffled off this mortal space coil (through the good offices of the kids’ mother), and he’s interested in discussing his dissatisfaction and possible retributionary measures with the happy anniversary couple. > > Oh, hijinks are GONNA ensue, you can bet your bottom Quatloo on that! > > (working title: _Blue Working Title)_ This is awesome. Don’t forget about the old legend they learn about that casts a curse on one of them or gives the youngest one magic powers they can’t control very well. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/54 "2012-10-31T20:21:15Z")
Two hours of Jar Jar and Watto the space Jew\* in the Senate debating the mechanism through which mitochondria affect the Force. \*[http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/\_\_cb20081222024731/starwars/images/e/eb/WattoHS.jpg](http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20081222024731/starwars/images/e/eb/WattoHS.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/55 "2012-10-31T20:40:45Z")
Star Wars Episode VII A Conflict Arises It is a time of unrest in the New Republic. Gungan traders, becoming quite sore at Ewok eating habits, have withdrawn from their contract to deliver 5000 Nabooian toadbeaver pelts to the forest moon of Endor. Upset at the breach of contract, Ewok delegates travel to the seat of the New Republic to petition the Galactic Senate to draw up a writ of censure against the Gungans. Meanwhile, a dark threat approaches against the Senate and the entire galaxy itself. In a field of stars, a long space craft crawls past your view. The craft is easily longer than any other star ship in the galaxy and has nothing else to do with this story. The camera pans down to a planet lit up by billions of lights on its surface. It is the seat of the New Republic, planet Coruscant. Inside the senate chambers, a lone Ewok steps up to the podium and is about to address the crowd. He puts on a pair of reading glasses, adjusts them slightly, clears his throat then delivers an impassioned speech. “Zub Zub,” it begins. “Zub Zub, dootini zub detoha. Oooooh.” The entire speech is 20 minutes and the movie shows it all, but then the senate leaves the chambers and we meet heroes of the republic Jedi Knight Bob Ginn Warphopper and his companion, ace pilot and brilliant smuggler Blade Twofeet. “I feel a strange disturbance in the Force,” says Bob. “The Force,” scoffs Blade. “You’ll never get me to believe that that old hokey religion is real.” “The ways of the Force are mysterious and not to be taken lightly,” the Jedi serenely responds. Then his expression changes. “Duck!” he yells as an explosion rings across the hallway. “That was no accident,” said Blade as he dusted himself off. “Let’s check it out!” The two heroes find the assailant and fight him, then knock him down. They then pull of his mask to reveal an evil visage. “Chairman of the Senate Agricultural Committee Pulpyvein!” Blade cries out. “What is the meaning of this?” “There is more here than what appears,” the Jedi broods as he pulls a rubber mask off the downed opponent. “Evil mercenary Dak Hardline!” Blade gasps. “Hmmm. And yet…” Bob pulls another mask off, revealing another horribly evil face. “I don’t recognize him,” Blade admits. “Wait,” Bob holds up a finger, then pulls another mask off, revealing the robotic face of a droid underneath. “What does this mean?” asks Blade. “It means I have a bad feeling about this,” the seasoned warrior monk replies. Meanwhile, on planet Naboo the Ewoks and Gungans square off in battle. Each faction delivering fatal death with their own powerful technologies – rocks dropped from gliders versus slings with booma balls in them. Flint tipped spears versus glowing shields. Ewok hijinkery versus Gungan goofery. No quarter asked, none given. The battle rages on so long that it becomes an incomprehensible (and ultimately boring) blur of CGI. Meanwhile, on planet Haldor, who’s primary feature is that the planet’s season is always autumn, elected governor Baroness Duchess Counselor Frieda turns up her collar as brown and red leaves blow past in the brisk wind. She briskly turns back and walks briskly off the balcony and back into her chambers where she is met by her father’s oldest and most trusted confidant Count Maelevolous. “Baroness,” the Count recounts. “We just got word on the holovision he Ewoks and Gungans are battling over the Nabooian toadbeaver pelts. You must address the people!” The young leader hiked up her resolve and replied. “You are right, but first, I must address the senate.” “But M’lady!” the Count urges. Too be continued. Or maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![HardlySanguine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/96bed5/32.png) [@HardlySanguine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HardlySanguine)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/56 "2012-10-31T21:19:14Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > Wookie penis. True, we don’t need any more Star Wars pornos ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/57 "2012-10-31T21:24:05Z")
> [@magnusblitz](#): > > I know that Lucas originally intended to use Wookies instead of Ewoks in Episode 6, but did this idea really last long enough to reach the promotional materials? I kinda have trouble believing. It did in the teaser theater preview that I saw. It was relatively short, but featured the shot of chewbacca swinging on a vine, and of chewbacca popping out of the hatch of the AT-ST. It was a close up though, so you couldn’t identify the vehicle, but my friends and I were all abuzz at seeing wookies driving tanks. No ewoks were shown. We definitely thought it was going to be the wookie home world. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/58 "2012-10-31T22:00:58Z")
George Lucas will announce that the problem with the previous movies was that he wasn’t involved enough. So for the seventh movie, in addition to writing, producing, and directing, he’ll be playing all the roles. ---
**Author:** ![sco3tt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@sco3tt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sco3tt)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/59 "2012-10-31T22:01:49Z")
> [@RetroVertigo](#): > > **Pixar Presents:** > [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > I think that could work too. Have it be the wacky adventures of R2-D2 and C3PO, sort of like Toy Story like in hijinks, and some Ewoks, so you can sell some plush dolls to the kids. I like this idea for one reason: Whereas George Lucas, working in single-threaded mode on a predetermined number of movies, allowed his desire for toy sales to overshadow what was good about the last few Star Wars films he made, Disney has the resources to release a Star Wars kiddie film every other year just to drive the toy marketing, alternating them with darker, more serious films to give the adult fanboys what they crave. I was really surprised to hear Disney announce their immediate plans for the franchise so quickly on the call yesterday – it was stated in nearly the same breath as the acquisition itself. I hope this foretells their intention to milk it for all it’s worth by allowing some talented directors and screenwriters to explore every corner of that universe. Animated kiddie films, romance stories, musicals, action flicks, etc. could all very easily coexist under that umbrella. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2012, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398/60 "2012-10-31T22:14:31Z")
I totally agree **sco3tt**. You could have serious ass-kicking movies for adults and then the more lighter aspects of the universe for the kids. I would love more stuff like The Clone Wars Saga as well. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-could-episode-vii-piss-off-fans/639398.md?page=4)