# How best to handle this awkward and embarrassing co-worker situation? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516 "2009-12-08T21:36:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/81 "2010-01-21T13:38:06Z")
I just googled that and found an account of a woman who compulsively picked her nose so much she made a hole through the (sinus) bones of her skull. \ ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/82 "2010-02-22T09:12:56Z")
Another update: It just looks as if it’s not going to get sorted out - he’s been spoken to about it by management on several occasions, and if anything, the behaviour has worsened. I’ve found out that people have tackled him on it individually face to face in the past, without involving management, and it has also made no difference. Short of me insisting that it be escalated to some sort of official grievance or disciplinary matter (which I am deeply reluctant to do), it looks like we’re stuck with it. ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/83 "2010-02-22T09:23:32Z")
So, passive-aggressive twat it is. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/84 "2010-02-22T09:56:25Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Another update: > > It just looks as if it’s not going to get sorted out - he’s been spoken to about it by management on several occasions, and if anything, the behaviour has worsened. > > I’ve found out that people have tackled him on it individually face to face in the past, without involving management, and it has also made no difference. > > Short of me insisting that it be escalated to some sort of official grievance or disciplinary matter (which I am deeply reluctant to do), it looks like we’re stuck with it. Which is your preference here? His presence with his disgusting behavior, or hum and his behavior both gone? Because it appears that the “he stays and stops the disgusting behavior” may be off the table for the moment. You don’t have to make it an official grievance. It sounds like it already there, or almost there, if a manager’s already spoken to him. You just need to find out which manager spoke to him. and put a word in that manager’s ear. The word is ‘defiance’. Yes, you let the manager know that the guy is openly defying the direction, and leave it to managerial ego to take care of the rest. In some ways, the bigger an asshole the manager is, the better. Um, is this like a civil service job or a union position where it’s very hard to fire someone? That could change things. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/85 "2010-02-22T10:06:59Z")
I don’t think he’s being passive-aggressive, or defiant - I think it’s more like a compulsive behaviour over which he has little control. This is a civil service position, so any action would be protracted, unpleasant and messy, but the key reason for my reticence here is that I do not want to be directly responsible for a process that may ultimately shove a person out into the impossible job market. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/86 "2010-02-22T10:09:10Z")
I know that sometimes people are too quick to prescribe drugs…but some drugs can help obsessive behaviors. Perhaps someone could suggest this to him? Or just do what my mother used to do. Whack him with a wooden spoon every time he exhibits an unwanted behavior. At least he’ll be AWARE that he’s doing it. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/87 "2010-02-22T10:13:49Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > I know that sometimes people are too quick to prescribe drugs…but some drugs can help obsessive behaviors. Perhaps someone could suggest this to him? It’s already been suggested, but without taking it further it can’t be insisted upon, and nobody knows for sure what professional intervention has already been tried and failed. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/88 "2010-02-22T17:46:01Z")
Can he do his job somewhere where no one else has to see his repulsive behaviour? I understand he’s probably being protected by disability legislation, but you have to think of the people around him, too, which your company doesn’t seem to be doing. Normal working conditions don’t include having to watch someone pick parts of his body off and eat them (gah, even typing that is turning my stomach!). ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/89 "2010-02-22T18:21:08Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > [ul] > [li]Leave it and just wait until he has consumed his own entire head, solving the problem? What?[/li][/ul] I vote for this. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2011, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/90 "2011-02-21T22:08:23Z")
Well, here we are almost a year to the day since the last time this thread was active and it’s time for an update… The problem hasn’t gone away. Changes in the seating arrangement meant that I chose to withdraw my complaint - not because I was moved away, but because I was the only one who wasn’t, and to pursue the course of action would have made it seem like a personal crusade being driven by me. However, the behaviour persists - if anything, it’s grown a little worse - and now, some of the people in the new seating arrangment have complained to management - and so it all starts again (without me needing to get involved this time). We’ll see what, if anything, happens this time… ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2011, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/91 "2011-02-21T23:20:37Z")
Holeee shit, dude! While I understand the whole civil service job and everything, aren’t you still in an at-will employment state? If the behavior is documented that he’s been spoken to about it, and that he has done nothing to curb it, as long as he’s written up and given chances and written up again, it’s usually 3 chances and you’re out - 6 months tops. When relying on a documenting system, yes it’s “harder” because someone actually has to talk to him, have the documents signed by him and his supervisor, and it takes time, but it’s not impossible. HR and your manager need to stop sitting on their hands on this! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2011, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/92 "2011-02-21T23:48:28Z")
I’m in the UK. I don’t think it’s at all likely his job is at risk from this (and I don’t particularly wish for that anyway) ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/93 "2011-02-22T01:08:35Z")
Since he sees no problem with doing it, I would have no problem pointing it out every time and making constant comment on it. “So what is it about being completely repulsive that appeals to you? Because it sure can’t be because it gets you laid…” and so forth. I would never fail to make a big, noisy, shaming issue of it every single time he did it. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/94 "2011-02-22T01:10:36Z")
And I’m amazed that HR hasn’t taken it more seriously, because for my own part I could not work. I really couldn’t, I would be thoroughly nauseated and I certainly would never touch anything he was near. It’s insanely repulsive and I’m truly amazed that it would persist like that. GAH ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/95 "2011-02-22T02:53:36Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Well, here we are almost a year to the day since the last time this thread was active and it’s time for an update… > > The problem hasn’t gone away. Changes in the seating arrangement meant that I chose to withdraw my complaint - not because I was moved away, but because I was the only one who wasn’t, and to pursue the course of action would have made it seem like a personal crusade being driven by me. > > However, the behaviour persists - if anything, it’s grown a little worse - and now, some of the people in the new seating arrangment have complained to management - and so it all starts again (without me needing to get involved this time). We’ll see what, if anything, happens this time… Have you, well, for lack of a better term, gotten used to it? Have you basically grown immune to the behaviour? “Oh, that’s just Joe - he picks things and eats them. Everyone has to have a hobby, eh?” I wouldn’t think it would be possible to get used to something that vile, but humans have a tendency to get used to just about anything. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/96 "2011-02-22T03:26:35Z")
I say you take a weekend and pick a bowlful of things off your own head. Then on Monday, offer it to him as a bribe: if he stops picking and eating at work, he can dig into the bowl as much as he wants and you’ll provide him plenty of snacks in the future ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/97 "2011-02-22T05:00:04Z")
> [@Olentzero](#): > > Negative reinforcement. A small spray bottle of water on your desk, and nail him once or twice when you next catch him in the act. Then just pretend you have an itchy trigger finger every time he touches his face, and you should be good to go. > > ETA: No, I am not being serious. But it would make for an interesting afternoon. I think this is the next step. Yes, I’m being serious. Maybe if you don’t want to spray water everywhere, try hitting him with rubber bands every time he digs in. Buy everybody a big bag of rubber bands, one for each desk, so there’s always one at the ready. Any time he digs in, he’s fair game. What’s he going to do - complain to management? ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/98 "2011-02-22T07:32:00Z")
If he at all willing to stop, he could try[this stuff.](http://www.amazon.com/Mavala-Stop-0-3-Fluid-Ounce/dp/B0000YUXI0/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&qid=1298359796&sr=8-13)Bitter tasting nail polish, that needs to be reapplied just twice a week. It is really good. If I apply it, it really helps, when I forget it, I fall back into nailbiting. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/99 "2011-02-22T07:39:01Z")
What does this guy look like? Is he married? How old is he? Try just making loud gagging noises. Ew. Just…ew. And I second buying the Bertie’s Botts. Maybe you can even get a custom mix? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/100 "2011-02-22T07:58:59Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Have you, well, for lack of a better term, gotten used to it? Have you basically grown immune to the behaviour? “Oh, that’s just Joe - he picks things and eats them. Everyone has to have a hobby, eh?” I wouldn’t think it would be possible to get used to something that vile, but humans have a tendency to get used to just about anything. Not really. I still find it disturbing and try to avoid seeing it happen, but it grates on my nerves constantly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516.md?page=6)