# How best to handle this awkward and embarrassing co-worker situation? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 8, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516 "2009-12-08T21:36:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/101 "2011-02-22T08:00:42Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > What does this guy look like? Is he married? How old is he? Fairly normal-looking, except for raw skin in and behind the ears. Engaged to be married this year. Weird, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/102 "2011-02-22T11:37:51Z")
I work in an government too, and I wonder how this is handled from an HRM point of view. I presume management has interpreted its task as merely"during performance interview, tell guy people have complained, and ask him to do something about it, and that is it". Obviously that hasn’t been enough. What needs to be determined by all persons involved, is if this is compulsive behavior or not. If this is an clueless guy unaware of society’s norms, he needs to be told in terms so clear he gets the message. The message also needs to be friendly to be effective. If you tell someone something as mortifying as that he has made people nealy puke for years, he might just block the whole message out and try to make it more harmless in his mind. Or he might spin it as “people are picking on me”. If he is an asshole that doesn’t care about society’s norms, he needs an incentive to care. HRM should provide one. If this is compulsive behavior, and he is quite likely not aware of what |compulsiveness" entails, he needs to be sent to an behavioral psychotherapist. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/103 "2011-02-22T11:39:36Z")
> **[Body-focused repetitive behavior](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body-focused_repetitive_behavior)** > > Body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB) is an umbrella name for impulse control behaviors involving compulsively damaging one's physical appearance or causing physical injury. > Body-focused repetitive behavior disorders (BFRBDs) in ICD-11 is in development. > BFRB disorders are currently estimated to be under the obsessive-compulsive spectrum. They are also associated with ADHD and anxiety. > The cause of BFRBs is unknown.\[citation needed\] Both HRM and this guy might start reading up on this and seek appropriate help. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/104 "2011-02-22T16:08:05Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Fairly normal-looking, except for raw skin in and behind the ears. Engaged to be married this year. Weird, huh? :eek: Shut. Up. What woman can live with that? I need to see pix. Who is this chick? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/105 "2011-02-22T16:20:02Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > I need to see pix. Who is this chick? [Made in heaven](http://reefguide.org/bluestreakcleanerwrasse.html). ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/106 "2011-02-22T18:20:01Z")
I can’t read this thread without gagging. I don’t know how you have been able to put up with this for so long or without vomiting into the wastebasket everytime he does it. At least working with this guy would help with losing weight. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/107 "2011-02-22T18:31:55Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > If he at all willing to stop, he could try[this stuff.](http://www.amazon.com/Mavala-Stop-0-3-Fluid-Ounce/dp/B0000YUXI0/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&qid=1298359796&sr=8-13)Bitter tasting nail polish, that needs to be reapplied just twice a week. It is really good. > > If I apply it, it really helps, when I forget it, I fall back into nailbiting. He likes the taste of his own _earwax_. I doubt that’ll stop him. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/108 "2011-02-22T18:44:13Z")
On a more serious note, is there any way you can be reassigned to some other team? I think, after I’d gone to my line manager and that person went to HR and both decided I had to put up or shut up, I would probably refuse to work with the guy and demand to be assigned elsewhere. Even in this economy, I might be disgusted enough to be prepared to walk away and go sling burgers at McDonald’s or something. My hat is off to the OP. You’re a better person than I am. I wouldn’t tolerate that shit for one more minute after I’d made every effort to deal with the problem. I would also start using the word “insubordination.” If he’s been told repeatedly to knock it off by his superiors (and they’ve been documenting each instance in his file all along) and the behavior continues, then that is grounds for termination. If it’s not, then I’d be looking for a gig where it is. Nobody should be expected to tolerate such vile behavior like that. I believe I could make a strong argument for “hostile work environment.” If bantering those words about doesn’t help the situation, then nothing will. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/109 "2011-02-22T19:32:05Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > :eek: > > Shut. Up. > > What woman can live with that? I need to see pix. Who is this chick? Oddly, she’s quite a catch. Maybe this is one of those compulsive things that he’s able to bottle up in certain situations, but it has to come out somewhere - and that happens to be at work, instead of in front of the missus. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/110 "2011-02-22T19:32:53Z")
> [@Larry\_Mudd](#): > > [Made in heaven](http://reefguide.org/bluestreakcleanerwrasse.html). Pretty! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/111 "2011-02-22T19:37:00Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > On a more serious note, is there any way you can be reassigned to some other team? I think, after I’d gone to my line manager and that person went to HR and both decided I had to put up or shut up, I would probably refuse to work with the guy and demand to be assigned elsewhere. Even in this economy, I might be disgusted enough to be prepared to walk away and go sling burgers at McDonald’s or something. Not really - my job involves quite a lot of deep familiarity with the stuff I deal with - there are other positions similar to mine, but it would involve jumping back to the bottom of a 12+ month learning curve (I’m not averse to this, but the business probably would be) > [@](#): > > My hat is off to the OP. You’re a better person than I am. I wouldn’t tolerate that shit for one more minute after I’d made every effort to deal with the problem. I would also start using the word “insubordination.” If he’s been told repeatedly to knock it off by his superiors (and they’ve been documenting each instance in his file all along) and the behavior continues, then that is grounds for termination. If it’s not, then I’d be looking for a gig where it is. Nobody should be expected to tolerate such vile behavior like that. I believe I could make a strong argument for “hostile work environment.” If bantering those words about doesn’t help the situation, then nothing will. This could actually be the time it gets sorted out - each previous attempt was aborted by circumstance such as business reorganisation, but we’re in a fairly stable mode now, so it’s probably not going get diverted into inaction this time. ---
**Author:** ![nikonikosuru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2011, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/112 "2011-02-23T00:16:07Z")
Video. Blackmail. Profit!!! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2011, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/113 "2011-02-23T00:20:21Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > \ > This could actually be the time it gets sorted out - each previous attempt was aborted by circumstance such as business reorganisation, but we’re in a fairly stable mode now, so it’s probably not going get diverted into inaction this time. I truly hope it does - compulsive behaviour or not, he really needs to knock that shit off. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2011, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/114 "2011-02-23T01:17:20Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Fairly normal-looking, except for raw skin in and behind the ears. Engaged to be married this year. Weird, huh? The fact that a guy who compulsively eats his own sloughed-off detritus is able to fetch a mate should inspire hope in all us lonely, half-way decent singletons out there. But strangely it doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/115 "2013-01-09T20:33:00Z")
I may have missed it, **Mangetout** , but did you ever get a resolution to this? ---
**Author:** ![Suil\_Dubh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85f322/32.png) [@Suil\_Dubh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suil_Dubh)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/116 "2013-01-09T23:21:58Z")
> [@Poysyn](#): > > I may have missed it, **Mangetout** , but did you ever get a resolution to this? Yeah, I was actually waiting to hear of a resolution too. I remember this thread because of the great correspondence between topic and username. So every time I see you post, Mangetout, I always wonder what happened to your self-cannibalizing coworker. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/117 "2013-01-09T23:38:06Z")
Wow, that is so fucking disgusting. Normally for socially inappropriate behavior I would suggest an anonymous note or pulling someone aside, but in this case I think it’s totally appropriate to loudly and without compunction say, ‘‘That is disgusting. Please do not do it around me.’’ It does sound probably like compulsive anxiety-related behavior though, so I have some sympathy. Oh but gross. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/118 "2013-03-21T12:49:09Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > If he at all willing to stop, he could try[this stuff.](http://www.amazon.com/Mavala-Stop-0-3-Fluid-Ounce/dp/B0000YUXI0/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&qid=1298359796&sr=8-13)Bitter tasting nail polish, that needs to be reapplied just twice a week. It is really good. > > If I apply it, it really helps, when I forget it, I fall back into nailbiting. I am going to get this for my 5 yr old daughter! Thanks for posting!! ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/119 "2013-03-21T13:19:31Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Seriously, it sounds like the guy has OCD. He knows he’s doing it but he can’t stop. You might try complaining to a higher-up, but there’s probably nothing anyone can do about it . . . short of helping him get professional help. This. Isn’t there some name for this behavior? I mean, I’m usually the hard-headed conservative, not one to foist off blame for problems on a mental condition, but it’s hard to imagine this kind of behavior as anything purposeful. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2013, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516/120 "2013-03-21T13:44:38Z")
Wow, I never knew anyone that dealt with his issues by eating them before. Well, he is very resourceful, almost to the point of being a zero sum perpetual motion machine. Plus, they say you are what you eat, so he’s just being himself, right? Okay, that ain’t nearly enough for me either. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-handle-this-awkward-and-embarrassing-co-worker-situation/520516.md?page=7)