# How best to turn them away? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 23, 2008, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653 "2008-01-23T12:02:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cat\_In\_A\_Top\_Hat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f6c823/32.png) [@Cat\_In\_A\_Top\_Hat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_In_A_Top_Hat)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/1 "2008-01-23T12:02:37Z")
Question posed to me, recently: “What’s the one thing you can say to a girl to make her never want to be with you?” Any ideas? What first came to my mind was “I’m dying of a communicable disease.” ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/2 "2008-01-23T12:12:31Z")
I hear that they hate the word “cunt”. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/3 "2008-01-23T12:16:17Z")
> [@](#): > > I didn’t quite get the spice mixture right on my last lover, perhaps I can manage to tweak it to my satisfaction with my next lover? _speculative gaze_ That should do it, don’t you agree? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/4 "2008-01-23T14:06:12Z")
How about: > [@](#): > > Say, could my pitbull and I move into your place for a little while…just until the process server and my ex-wife quit looking for me to pay child support. I’ll buy my own beer. I get a large-quantity discount from the package store. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kuboydal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecb155/32.png) [@Kuboydal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kuboydal)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/5 "2008-01-23T14:18:57Z")
In the past I have been talked about my wife, well, we’re not really married, who lives in a trailer park outside Phoenix. I mean, it’s that I don’t want to be with my kids and all, but it’s not like there was a paternity test, I’m not legally bound to send them help. I like 'em, but she’s been hanging out with that cranked up biker and stays out at all hours and that’s just no way to raise kids, ya know? Hell, who knows if they’re really mine, we were into all kinds of crazy shit. Do you think I should call DFACS on her? I mean, if I did it anonymously, they wouldn’t make me take the kids, would they? I just don’t have time for that stuff right now. Trust me, it works. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/6 "2008-01-23T14:23:04Z")
“She’s lying; I stopped beating her months ago.” Being on first name basis with any police officer who is not a neighbor, friend or relative would get me gone. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/7 "2008-01-23T14:29:13Z")
Based on a loooong history of experience, the one thing I can tell womem to turn them away from me is “Hello,” followed by my name. I still get thank-you notes from convents in my area from when I was trying to date in my college years. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/8 "2008-01-23T14:34:42Z")
Here baby, go to this address and take care of this John. Bring me back the money and we won’t have a problem, you dig? ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/9 "2008-01-23T14:41:25Z")
[QUOTE=Zabali\_Clawbane] That should do it, don’t you agree? 😃 [/QUOTE] Along those lines: “You look positively delicious. Can I use you for tonight’s stew?” ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/10 "2008-01-23T14:45:43Z")
[QUOTE=Sauron] Based on a loooong history of experience, the one thing I can tell womem to turn them away from me is “Hello,” followed by my name. [/QUOTE] Well, hell, if you’re walking up to women and saying “Hello Sauron”, I can see why you’ve been having issues. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/11 "2008-01-23T14:57:33Z")
“I’m an insurance actuary.” Trust me, it works like a charm. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/12 "2008-01-23T15:05:30Z")
My ex was a liar. She fell down those stairs by herself. All the witnesses took her side at the trial. She must have paid them off. Keep mentioning how hot her sister and mother are. Ask her to introduce you to women you see. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/13 "2008-01-23T15:07:55Z")
“I hate your tits” ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/14 "2008-01-23T15:12:50Z")
When you ask her out on a date, be sure and tell her how she looks EXACTLY like your sister. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/15 "2008-01-23T15:43:37Z")
“Wow, you’re almost as sexy as my daughter.” ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/16 "2008-01-23T15:45:19Z")
You could always go for a classic: “I’m Batman” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/17 "2008-01-23T15:55:34Z")
It depends on how well you know her. “I love you and want to marry you, like, today” would work for someone you’ve known for all of a day. Of course, if it backfires, you’re in deep trouble. ---
**Author:** ![InappropriateHumor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eb8c5e/32.png) [@InappropriateHumor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InappropriateHumor)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/18 "2008-01-23T16:00:14Z")
[QUOTE=Freddy the Pig] “I’m an insurance actuary.” Trust me, it works like a charm. [/QUOTE] Wouldn’t work on me. I think actuaries are sexy. (Yes, I sell health insurance) One that would work on me: “How about we see a movie, have some dinner and go back to my place? Mom’s out of town this week, we’ll have the whole place to ourselves!” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/19 "2008-01-23T16:02:43Z")
You don’t sweat much for a fat lass! ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/20 "2008-01-23T17:11:46Z")
What usually worked for me was, “Hi, I’m Dragwyr.” They’d never even talk to me afterwards. I don’t know why. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653.md?page=2)