# How best to turn them away? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 23, 2008, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653 "2008-01-23T12:02:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/21 "2008-01-23T17:13:24Z")
Dunnow, seems to be different for every chick. I mean, to me “I’m single-single” followed a few hours later by “yeah, that’s my three kids with their moms” was reason to run, but apparently it hadn’t worked with moms #2 and #3… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/22 "2008-01-23T17:21:20Z")
[QUOTE=Aangelica] You could always go for a classic: “I’m Batman” [/QUOTE] But what if you just rescued her from gang-rape at the hands of seven burly armed hoods, using no weapons but your hands, and glare (in that you glared at the last hood so hard he peed his pants and ran off)? In that case, saying “I’m Batman” is only going to get you a “Yeah, I ALREADY FIGURED THAT OUT! Now TAKE ME, Caped Crusader!” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/23 "2008-01-23T17:28:54Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] But what if you just rescued her from gang-rape at the hands of seven burly armed hoods, using no weapons but your hands, and glare (in that you glared at the last hood so hard he peed his pants and ran off)? In that case, saying “I’m Batman” is only going to get you a “Yeah, I ALREADY FIGURED THAT OUT! Now TAKE ME, Caped Crusader!” [/QUOTE] Or she might think it’s awfully cute, grab your arm, look at you with those flirty eyes, and say “And I’m Robin!” Better yet, Catwoman. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/24 "2008-01-23T17:33:02Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] But what if you just rescued her from gang-rape at the hands of seven burly armed hoods, using no weapons but your hands, and glare (in that you glared at the last hood so hard he peed his pants and ran off)? In that case, saying “I’m Batman” is only going to get you a “Yeah, I ALREADY FIGURED THAT OUT! Now TAKE ME, Caped Crusader!” [/QUOTE] But I don’t have any Batcondoms on me! I’m not…prepared. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Jinks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@Captain\_Jinks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Jinks)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/25 "2008-01-23T17:34:16Z")
“Pull my finger”. Laugh uproariously, whether or not she bites. Talk-- at length-- about yourself, your hopes, exaggerate your romantic successes… without giving her a chance to get a word in edgewise. Quote at length from Straight Dope articles. My wife’s eyes glaze over when I get a bit too… detailed… in discussing asceticism in 3rd century, nuclear powerplant design, TCP/IP. Should work fine, especially without warning, from the git-go. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/26 "2008-01-23T17:34:20Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] But I don’t have any Batcondoms on me! I’m not…prepared. [/QUOTE] Batman is prepared for not being prepared. It’s part of being Batman. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/27 "2008-01-23T17:34:22Z")
I’m a nice guy, but you probably don’t want to go out with me, because girls only like assholes. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Student\_Driver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@Student\_Driver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Student_Driver)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/28 "2008-01-23T17:38:53Z")
Here’s what works for me when friends drag me to a strip club: “I’m poor.” In more standard social situations, I’ve found that when a girl who’s showing interest in me asks where I work, I shouldn’t actually tell her, since I work a low-class unskilled-labor job (which I happen to actually like a lot). I should, instead, throw her off the mark by telling her what degrees I’m going for. ---
**Author:** ![Solfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/29 "2008-01-23T17:47:32Z")
You could go on at length about how you’re looking for a woman just like your mom. Whom you still live with. Who is a real peach because she knows her place is in the house waiting on her husband, not like all those uppity “liberated” women. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/30 "2008-01-23T17:47:38Z")
I assume you don’t want to spread lurid rumours about yourself. Alos there’s no need to upset people unnecessarily, is there? Tell her bum looks big. (If that doesn’t work, tell her you don’t like her shoes.) ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/31 "2008-01-23T17:53:17Z")
Dayum girl! Those pants make your ass look fat! Oh wait. It’s not the pants. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/32 "2008-01-23T17:56:03Z")
Slip into a conversation that you think that rape has to be enjoyed by women on some level as it’s still a sexual act. This was actually said to be once by a ex-friend while I had a good few pints on me. I actually had to be held back from decking the fucker. I’m sure women would have a even strong reaction. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/33 "2008-01-23T18:06:04Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] Batman is prepared for not being prepared. It’s part of being Batman. [/QUOTE] Pretty soon he’s going to have to trade that utility belt in for something like a utility set of wheeled luggage. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/34 "2008-01-23T18:10:44Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Pretty soon he’s going to have to trade that utility belt in for something like a utility set of wheeled luggage. [/QUOTE] Untrue. He obviously has Ray Palmer on retainer. I suspect that Bats was involved somehow in Sue’s breakdown; it’s the sort of clusterfuck that has Wayne fingerprints all over it. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/35 "2008-01-23T20:15:20Z")
“You know, your dad gives head much better than you do–think you could ask him for some pointers?” “Your ass looks fat in those pants,” but say it when she’s naked. “I’ve always wanted a girl to be my Mommy–and change my diapers. That’s cool, right? Oh, and of course we won’t be having any regular sex from now on because sex with babies is really perverted.” _say right after sex_ “Well, that was appalling! Now slag off!” \<—stolen from National Lampoon, circa the '70’s… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/36 "2008-01-23T20:28:21Z")
[QUOTE=bbs2k] I hear that they hate the word “cunt”. [/QUOTE] “Your cunt isn’t as tight as your brother’s ass.” That works for me, but only if combined with a shitty stick. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/37 "2008-01-23T20:35:05Z")
[QUOTE=SmartAleq] _say right after sex_ “Well, that was appalling! Now slag off!” \<—stolen from National Lampoon, circa the '70’s… [/QUOTE] If you can induce yourself to vomit right after sex, that might work. If not vomit, try bawling like a baby for an hour. ---
**Author:** ![Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silence_of_the_clams)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/38 "2008-01-23T20:35:15Z")
Tell her she’s put on weight and then oogle at other women. Pick your nose and scratch your balls. Tell her you collect navel lint, and show her some! ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/39 "2008-01-23T20:39:47Z")
Quoting any random line from a Valtrex commercial should do it. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2008, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653/40 "2008-01-23T20:52:06Z")
“What’s your sign? … Great! I haven’t impregnated one of those yet. Seven down, five to go.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-best-to-turn-them-away/434653.md?page=3)