# How can I attend church without being noticed? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 4, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518 "2011-08-04T23:53:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![gallan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ee59a6/32.png) [@gallan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallan)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/1 "2011-08-04T23:53:55Z")
For you church-going Christians, as a complete atheist, how might I go about finding and attending a church without being hassled at the door, or getting tracts shoved in my face, or having people ask me why I’m there and trying to convert me? This is how I remember evangelical churches being when I was a confused teenager, and I’d like to be able to find a church and attend Sunday service without these things happening. Any advice is greatly appreciated! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/2 "2011-08-04T23:55:54Z")
You won’t , they live for that stuff. As an atheist, why are you going? ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2011, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/3 "2011-08-04T23:59:03Z")
[deleted on edit] ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/4 "2011-08-05T00:08:41Z")
Well, how much approach is too much? If it’s any at all, welcome to the world of [online church services](http://www.google.com/#sclient=psy&hl=en&source=hp&q=online+church+services&pbx=1&oq=online+church&aq=1&aqi=g5&aql=&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=0l0l1l229l0l0l0l0l0l0l0l0ll0l0&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&fp=7caaed5eb0414d97&biw=1252&bih=548). I know, not very appealing. For less (but not zero, I admit) “friendly” people and more real friendly people, try the UU’s. They’ll welcome you and ask if you want information and would you like to be on their email list and shit, but they’re not out to convert anyone, and no one will ask if you’ve accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. Lots of atheists there, too. ---
**Author:** ![heathen\_earthling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/13edae/32.png) [@heathen\_earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heathen_earthling)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/5 "2011-08-05T00:09:12Z")
> [@gallan](#): > > For you church-going Christians, as a complete atheist, how might I go about finding and attending a church without … having people ask me why I’m there and trying to convert me? Why would they have any reason to suspect you aren’t already a member of their religion, since you’re attending their church? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/6 "2011-08-05T00:12:25Z")
Most Catholic churches I’ve been in you sit quietly in your pew, do the stand up, sit down and kneel, and then get in your car and go home. If you WANT more, you can find it - but I’ve never found people to be very pushy about it. But the question I have is why do you want to go to Sunday services if you are an atheist. If its for the community, I second the UU suggestion - about half of them are atheists - you won’t stick out (unless you are Republican, then you stick out). ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/7 "2011-08-05T00:12:46Z")
I’ve never experienced anything like you describe. One technique is to find a church large enough that no one will be quite sure whether you are new. Although that can cause problems of it’s own–not least being parking and figuring out where the sanctuary is. At my present church, you might well be greeted at the door, but while we do make an effort to give people information about the church (and usually a small loaf of bread), we don’t shove tracts in people’s faces. I attend a United Methodist church, for what it’s worth. You know, really, your described experience is so foreign to me, I’m not really sure where to begin. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![gallan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ee59a6/32.png) [@gallan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallan)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/8 "2011-08-05T00:13:12Z")
> [@runner pat](#): > > As an atheist, why are you going? Without going into too much detail, my mother is dying and has recently “found god.” It’s all she can talk about, and every conversation ends up back at religion! As a cynical atheist I think the whole thing is patently ridiculous, but she’s my mother, after all, and I would like to be able to relate to her in some small way. I thought maybe if I went to church once or twice I could at least say, “Hey, I went to church!” and then we’d have something to talk about that would make her feel better. ETA: She lives out of state, otherwise I’d just go with her. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/9 "2011-08-05T00:15:59Z")
You could go into a Catholic church. Just stay sitting down when everyone goes up for the Eucharist. But yeah, I’ve never seen anyone try to convert anyone in church. There may be a general welcome for people but that’s about it. eta: damn, someone already said what I did. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/10 "2011-08-05T00:16:23Z")
I’ve been in lots of Catholic churches I wasn’t a parishoner of and I’ve never been hassled at all. The most that happens is the priest may be waiting outside the church to shake hands as people leave. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/11 "2011-08-05T00:22:04Z")
I’ll assume that you are in the US. While one cannot make a hard and fast rule, generally, going to a bigger church or a more liberal one is going to be easier on you. For example, in the US, the ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church of America) seems to be rather non-in-your-face-preachy. It is somewhat liturgical, but should be low-key and casual enough that you won’t be embarrassed to not know what to say. Episcopalians also are also non-threatening, but they can also be quite liturgical and formal so you might feel out of place not knowing what the proper congregational responses are, but they aren’t hard to learn. Other Protestant churches on the more liberal end are going to be less likely to be in-your-face bible thumping “accept Jesus!” “are you Saved” type places. Though, of course, every congregation is different so these are just general rules. Other liberal churches in the US include the United Church of Christ, the Disciples of Christ, Presbyterian Church USA (perhaps more middlin’), and the United Methodist Church. Churches that you may be less comfortable in include Southern Baptists, Independent Fundamental Baptists, Pentecostal groups, Mennonite groups, Seventh Day Adventists, Schismatic Anglicans/CANA, Calvary Chapel, and any church that calls itself “\_\_\_\_ Bible Church”. In terms of size, going to a church with a large number of attenders is going to make you fade into the background to some degree. In those churches, sometimes getting attention when you want it can be a challenge. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/12 "2011-08-05T00:25:19Z")
> [@gallan](#): > > Without going into too much detail, my mother is dying and has recently “found god.” It’s all she can talk about, and every conversation ends up back at religion! As a cynical atheist I think the whole thing is patently ridiculous, but she’s my mother, after all, and I would like to be able to relate to her in some small way. I thought maybe if I went to church once or twice I could at least say, “Hey, I went to church!” and then we’d have something to talk about that would make her feel better. > > ETA: She lives out of state, otherwise I’d just go with her. I second the UU advice then. There you can go and be comfortable as an atheist. So long as the conversations with your mother don’t get too specific about your beliefs you’ll be fine. Of course, if it’s a small church, they will know you are new. But you may actually like some of the people there. There are in fact Republican UU’s. ---
**Author:** ![gallan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ee59a6/32.png) [@gallan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallan)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/13 "2011-08-05T00:29:10Z")
This isn’t sounding as intimidating as I thought it would be! Ideally I think I don’t really want any more than a simple greeting at the door. Then just sit in the back and listen and leave. I was trying to look all this stuff up online and there’s just so much information about so many different types of churches that I was getting lost. So I figured I’d just ask others. Thanks for the advice! ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/14 "2011-08-05T00:31:40Z")
I’ve been going to various churches my whole life and have never seen what you describe. Go to any large church. Most people won’t know you’re not a regular. And even if you’re pegged as a visitor, at most you’re likely to get a handshake and a welcoming smile. _Maybe_ you’ll be offered more information about the church and invited to stay for coffee afterwards, and a polite smile with a “no thanks” will be completely accepted. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/15 "2011-08-05T00:32:48Z")
By the way I hope you enjoy it! ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/16 "2011-08-05T00:35:59Z")
In most large churches I’ve attended, you can go in and out without someone speaking to you. But our current church, it seemed like everybody spoke to us. That’s honestly why we’re still there. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/17 "2011-08-05T00:38:15Z")
I’m a member of a United Methodist church, too. The worst thing that might happen to you in our church service is that you might get hugged within an inch of your life! Nobody is going to ask you if you’re saved, or ask you why you are there.You’ll get invited to the church dinner, and asked if you want to help type the newsletter! ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/18 "2011-08-05T00:41:57Z")
> [@WarmNPrickly](#): > > There are in fact Republican UU’s. There are, they are far less common than atheist UUs. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/19 "2011-08-05T00:44:18Z")
> [@](#): > > You could go into a Catholic church. Just stay sitting down when everyone goes up for the Eucharist. Or, alternately, walk up front with everyone else, and keep your arms crossed in front of your chest (that’s the recognized signal that you’re not partaking). And I don’t think my church even _has_ any tracts. The closest thing to that is, when you come in, someone hands you a sheet with the songs we’ll be singing that day, and when you leave, someone might hand you a copy of the bulletin, with news like the upcoming picnic and an offer to “adopt” (pay for the restoration of) one of the stained-glass windows. ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518/20 "2011-08-05T00:51:21Z")
I was raised a Christian (though I’m not religious now). If you encounter too much love, lower your eyelids and head, keep whisper-mumbling something indecipherable as if you are praying and exhale sounding out Jsssshhh… and say quietly “Amen” then repeat, again and again continuously. This is a seriously devoted borderline gone over to the other side behavior and you’ll be well left alone. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-attend-church-without-being-noticed/591518.md?page=2)