# How can I get over the fear of growing old and dying? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 20, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734 "2011-07-20T17:23:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![KlondikeGeoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@KlondikeGeoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KlondikeGeoff)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2011, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/21 "2011-07-24T22:30:15Z")
Oh, nuts, **JoThrive**. Welcome to the Dope, but you just ruined my position as the oldest person here (be 84 on 8/10) Anyway, to the OP, you will get more mellow as you age, I think. Many of us experienced a sort of depression cum mid-life crisis in our 50s. At 46 I took up distance running and continued for 20 years, running ten marathons and hundreds of shorter races. It really helped my attitude toward life as well as obviously building my strength and endurance. When my knees began to give out, I started bike riding, and now also climb mountains and hike almost every day. Even in the AZ heat. I have a lot of hobbies and am enjoying life more than I ever did. Retirement is great and gives me time to do all the things I have always wanted. Sure, as my friends drop one-by-one, it gets sad, but I just don’t even bother to think about dying. When it comes, so be it, but I would like to go to at least 102 or so. Keep yourself occupied, engage in some sort of strenuous physical exercise, read, get a hobby, and you may find yourself getting happier. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/22 "2011-07-25T00:21:04Z")
I am fortunate to have a nice little handful of extremely dear friends, and losing any of them would suck. But there is one in particular that fills up so much in terms of my need to connect that I get seriously freaked out at the idea of doing life without her. The hole in my existence would be so enormous and I would feel so isolated I don’t know if I could stand it. Fortunately she seems to be vibrantly healthy. (Though I sure wish she would stop smoking. It’s only about half a pack a day, but that’s enough, especially with the pot…) ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/23 "2011-07-25T00:36:03Z")
wrong thread. too many open windows. message deleted. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/24 "2011-07-25T00:44:39Z")
I recommend drinking more whiskey. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/25 "2011-07-25T00:48:11Z")
Whenever I think about how sad it is that someday I’ll die, and the world will go on without me, I always tell myself, “Well, how sad is it that you weren’t here for everything that happened before October of 1962?” Perks me right up. ---
**Author:** ![Dano83860](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a4c791/32.png) [@Dano83860](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dano83860)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/26 "2011-07-25T02:44:01Z")
When I think about the alternitive I’m not so worried about getting old and dying. I just had a friend dye from ALS on Friday. He was 51.☹ ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/27 "2011-07-25T10:32:01Z")
I know a sure fire way you can get over the fear of growing old and dying. But you ain’t gonna like it… - Slightly older than you ---
**Author:** ![KellyCriterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b3f665/32.png) [@KellyCriterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyCriterion)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/28 "2011-07-25T11:14:43Z")
Not sure why I think this is relevant, but here’s the [list of the world’s oldest living people](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_living_supercentenarians). ---
**Author:** ![monavis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e0b2c6/32.png) [@monavis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monavis)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/29 "2011-07-25T11:16:12Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > One of our whippersnapper dopers is freaking out over growing up (he/she’s 23). > > I’d like to ask pretty much the same kinds of question of our much older dopers. I’m 53. I consider 50+ the “dying half of life” for the obvious reason. I understand intellectually, of course, that I could die in the next moment, and that that is always true, but there’s no arguing the fact that it becomes much more likely the older we become.Not to mention the fact that some major aspects of a rewarding life become less available as we get older, impairing the search for joy as well. (Sex, movement without pain, energy) > > Among those who have actually had a problem with the fact of getting older and dying, who have had anxiety around it, (vs. those people who have always been pretty much at peace with it, and I’ve found over the years that there’s a remarkable number of you, lucky bastards) if you are over 50 and most especially if you are well over 50, as in 60, 70 and up… how are you feeling about it now? Do you find yourself taking the attitude that every morning when you wake up it’s a gift and you feel great about it, or are do you have a building dread or deepening depression about the fact that what remains of your life is shrinking very rapidly and your turn is almost over? > > Do we have any active Dopers who are in their late 70’s, 80’s, 90’s? I am most especially interested in what people who are living at the upper end of a lifespan are going through. > > I was deeply moved by the story of [George Dawson](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Dawson_%28author%29), who obviously lived life fully every single day, and I hope to be like him. > > FTR, some of my anxiety around the whole topic has eased for me in a very organic way that makes sense and gives me hope that by the time I have to really face the fact that my turn is really ending, I will be genuinely at peace with it. While I want to live my life to the fullest until it ends, I don’t want to go out kicking and screaming, either. So I hope I will be happy with each day right through my last, and I’m always conciously creating that for myself as much as I can, and this is part of it. > > By the way, this is the one and only thing I’ve always envied about people who have a deep and unshakable belief in the afterlife and that it will be positive. And I happen to think that the desire to be at peace with death is 99% of WHY so many people have a deep and unshakable belief in a positive afterlife, but that’s a different thread in a different forum. > > (For the psych majors: I’ve been freaked about death my whole life, and in a very disturbing way, I’ve been counting off my life since I was a child in a manner that has always felt very similar to the way one counts the days of a vacation or summer break: > > Age 12 - well, right now it’s Monday of my weeklong holiday, I’ve got all week ahead… Age 20, well, it’s late Monday night. Age 30..still only Tuesday, five long days stretching in front of me before I go home. Age 40. Wednesday…Sunday night looks a lot closer. Age 53…wow, it’s already Thursday afternoon? And it has been a drag. I have no idea why I’ve always been like this, but a good friend tells me that she was there when I learned about death as a small child and she remembers that I fell apart for two days, my mother wouldn’t let me come out and play because I was such a wreck over it. > > Of course now I understand, intellectually, that death is almost certainly the end of the conscious self of Stoid so once I’m actually gone it won’t have any suckage because I won’t exist to experience being dead- but that’s still really only an intellectual understanding, not an emotional one. In my gut I feel like death will be the world’s most miserable post-holiday Monday ever.) I will soon be 81, I am not afraid, or think of death much, I live one day at a time. My doctor says I could live to be a hundred, but I know there are accidents etc. that could happen, but that could have happened many years ago. I try to live the best i can. I am still very active and still do most of the things i did when i was much younger(just takes longer). If I get up in the morning go to the bath room , can still see my face and know who it is, I feel it is a good day, I can walk on my own, see, hear and still can think! My thinking is: we all get older each day, from the time we are born. even my great grand children are getting older each day. To me the ER on older stands for the Emergency Room and once you can’t be helped there, one can say she/he was old! ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/30 "2011-07-25T14:17:14Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Whenever I think about how sad it is that someday I’ll die, and the world will go on without me, I always tell myself, “Well, how sad is it that you weren’t here for everything that happened before October of 1962?” Perks me right up. See, thinking about that depresses me even more. All this exciting stuff happened before I was born–humans evolved and invented agriculture and industry, Rome rose and fell, Confucius wrote and taught, Americans fought a Revolution and a Civil War. It would have been so exciting to live through all of this. _But I wasn’t around_. I had no clue. And after I’m gone, even more unknown exciting stuff will be happening, and again, _I won’t know_. Worse yet, I won’t even read about it after the fact, _because I’ll never live again_. Oh God, this sucks. ---
**Author:** ![kjckjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e36b37/32.png) [@kjckjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjckjc)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/31 "2011-07-25T14:37:26Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > I know a sure fire way you can get over the fear of growing old and dying. But you ain’t gonna like it… > > - Slightly older than you Vampirism. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/32 "2011-07-26T02:29:01Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > See, thinking about that depresses me even more. All this exciting stuff happened before I was born–humans evolved and invented agriculture and industry, Rome rose and fell, Confucius wrote and taught, Americans fought a Revolution and a Civil War. It would have been so exciting to live through all of this. _But I wasn’t around_. I had no clue. > > And after I’m gone, even more unknown exciting stuff will be happening, and again, _I won’t know_. Worse yet, I won’t even read about it after the fact, _because I’ll never live again_. Oh God, this sucks. Just remember that the old Chinese saying “May you live in interesting times” is supposed to be a curse. The best thing is you get to _read_ about all that stuff that went on before. And you can read because somebody taught you how, probably for free unless you went to a fancy or parochial school. Exciting stuff _is_ happening now. In science, in medicine, in communications, in travel. And now we can read and talk about it in relative comfort and safety with all the food we can eat and then some. I was born before the Women’s Lib movement. Because of that social revolution, I can live husband and child-free like I am now, without being an object of pity or derision. I can wear pants without raising eyebrows. I can go alone into a bar if I want to, without being a slut. If I wanted to fuck without marrying, I could. (I don’t, but I could, that’s the point.) The American Revolution and the Civil War were exciting no doubt, but nobody really wanted to be caught up in it. But if war’s your thing, we’ve got three different battlefields to choose from today. 😃 Yeah, you probably won’t get to find out how this world ends. So, write a book about how you think it will. Then, as death draws near, read or have someone read it to you. Pretend that’s what’s happening as you croak. Problem solved. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/33 "2011-07-26T05:25:07Z")
Your choices are die younger or die older. If it makes you feel better, you can choose to die whenever you want. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/34 "2011-07-27T21:22:07Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Exciting stuff _is_ happening now. Oh, absolutely. I didn’t mean to say that it wasn’t. If anything, _more_ exciting stuff is happening now, just because there are more people and technology is incremental. Which makes it harder to be cut off from it! I guess, and I know we’ve had threads on this, that this is why so many old people convince themselves that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. I’m not there yet, but I’m only 51. Maybe I’ll get there, and death will be a relief. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/35 "2011-07-27T21:26:36Z")
> [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](#): > > …I guess, and I know we’ve had threads on this, that this is why so many old people convince themselves that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. I’m not there yet, but I’m only 51. Maybe I’ll get there, and death will be a relief. Something to shoot for. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Scharzcha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@Scharzcha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scharzcha)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/36 "2013-07-10T01:27:15Z")
I am only fifteen but I am going to be sixteen in October. I am a sophomore next year and I have been having thoughts lately about my life and that some day I will grow up and die. I have mental issues like anxiety and panic attacks as well as aspergers and ocd. I have a ton of thoughts that are silly to have at my age. It is sometimes debilitating. I cant stop those thoughts and random words and things I see during the day trigger it. I may not be close to the age of OP but I too am freaking out about growing up and death in general. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/37 "2013-07-10T01:41:11Z")
Let me give you some good news, when you retire time slows down again. All the things I used to have to make an effort to squeeze in I now have plenty of time to enjoy. I stay busy from morning till night with frequent breaks on the computer or down to the coffee shop for some conversation. ``` I prepared myself to be dead by paying off all my bills and making sure the house that goes to my son will have all new plumbing and roofing etc but I live each day with exubrance and never think about dieing unless I do something stupid which I do about once a week or so. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/38 "2013-07-10T01:45:50Z")
My motto is worry about the things you have control over, and don’t worry about the rest. We’re all going to die. As long as you take reasonable care of yourself you should, statistically, live an average life span. Yes, terrible things can also happen, but that’s out of your control and no need fretting about. A life span of 75 or 80 years is a long time. I’m 51 this year and figure I have about 25 to 30 years left. I’ve been working full time for about the same number of years. My first full time job seems a lifetime ago, and I still have the same number of years left. It almost seems infinite at times. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/39 "2013-07-10T02:04:09Z")
It doesn’t bother me. Too many times being sedated in hospital for one thing or another, none life-threatening — broken legs, gall-bladder surgery, tonsils, that sort of thing. One minute I’m here, the next nothing. Oblivion. I doubt death is different. All right, death isn’t temporary. But there is no temporary during that oblivion. It’s less than nothing. No memory, no future existence. It’s no different than all of time before consciousness. Meh. ---
**Author:** ![NoraP.Neffrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a587f6/32.png) [@NoraP.Neffrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoraP.Neffrin)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2013, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/40 "2013-07-10T02:24:07Z")
What if I’m depressed and think about dying as a default, but completely terrified of death because I haven’t been living…due to my death wish? Was there anything to Freud’s theory about Thanatos or was that just a cigar? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734.md?page=3)