# How can I get over the fear of growing old and dying? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 20, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734 "2011-07-20T17:23:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2013, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/81 "2013-09-17T12:54:11Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > We all die sooner or later, and considering how many people have already done so, I figure “how hard can it be?” There is this. Dying is the only thing that every single human being who ever lived has managed to pull off successfully, no matter how stupid or incompetent they were otherwise. I’m a klutz, but I’d be amazed if I’ll be the first one to somehow get it wrong. Although, considering my history, you never know… On the other hand, I don’t really trust anyone who doesn’t fear death on some level, or rather, anyone who doesn’t at least think about it. ---
**Author:** ![monavis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e0b2c6/32.png) [@monavis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monavis)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/82 "2013-09-18T12:24:06Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > There is this. Dying is the only thing that every single human being who ever lived has managed to pull off successfully, no matter how stupid or incompetent they were otherwise. I’m a klutz, but I’d be amazed if I’ll be the first one to somehow get it wrong. Although, considering my history, you never know… > > On the other hand, I don’t really trust anyone who doesn’t fear death on some level, or rather, anyone who doesn’t at least think about it. If you look at the one’s who commited suicide you will see that some fear living rather than death!! ---
**Author:** ![Werekoala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7993a0/32.png) [@Werekoala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Werekoala)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/83 "2013-09-18T16:57:08Z")
The biggest regret I’ll have is not knowing how it all turns out, but it’s a huge regret. The concept of not existing anymore worries me, I sometimes try to imagine what utter oblivion would be like, and I know intellectually it’ll be like… nothing. But not even being able to be aware of nothing is kinda freaky. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/84 "2013-09-18T20:25:19Z")
> [@Werekoala](#): > > But not even being able to be aware of nothing is kinda freaky. It’s better than being nothing-aware. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/85 "2013-09-18T20:36:05Z")
> [@JoThrive](#): > > Yes, this aging is difficult. > > I am 85, and my DH is 91. We’ve been married over 64 years. Most of our relatives are gone, including one of our sons. Our other son lives nearby and keeps an eye on us. We also have four grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren. Two of the grandchildren still live close to us and we see them regularly. > > So many of our friends are gone now, and that is a sad thing. > > However we are working on living as long as possible and as healthily as possible. > > About 11 years ago I started to make myself more healthy. I worked at losing some weight, and managed to shed over 65 lbs. My DH has also lost some weight, right along with me. 🙂 It isn’t easy losing weight as a senior citizen, but it can be done. > > We are also eating a healthy mix of good foods - veggies, fruits, whole grains, lean meats. We exercise regularly, mostly by walking. I’ve also joined Curves for Women. > > It’s not that we are afraid of death, dying is a part of living, it’s just that we really want to put it off as long as possible. 🙂 You go, girl! You’ve been married pretty near as long as I’ve been alive. I sometimes think about the fact that one day I will go away like a blown-out candle flame. I don’t relish the fact. I accept it but I don’t like it, mainly because the time that I’ve had with SWMBO just hasn’t been long enough. And I will think that as my dying thought. ---
**Author:** ![just\_j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed8c4c/32.png) [@just\_j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/just_j)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/86 "2013-09-18T22:25:07Z")
I am 61. My husband died very suddenly, quickly and unexpectedly 6 months ago – in the bed beside me on my birthday, after a lovely dinner out. We met when I was 18 and he was almost 21, and were married for nearly 39 years. It was a devastating loss for all of us left behind…but for him? Who knows? He was here, and then he just simply was not here. I miss him every single minute of every single day. But am I afraid to die? Not really. I am not religious in any way, but I now believe that there is a _ **somewhere** _ past here. It is comforting to know that life goes on when we are gone, even when we leave very sad folks behind. ---
**Author:** ![maggienoodles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@maggienoodles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggienoodles)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/87 "2015-10-22T11:09:10Z")
Reading this made me feel more upbeat, I am currently 33 and am on maternity leave, but like the original author every few days or so I feel time is slipping away more quickly, my child who is 9 months is growing so fast and I think I must usually be a control freak and this is the problem. I work in a care home and am comfortable with the cycle of life of living and dying …unless its my own…but your words made me realise all the things I think I want to do and might not get to do may be completely outshone by things and opportunities I will experience that I may not yet have even dreamed off…I need to start to focus on how I can make each day I’m living fun and enjoyable, thank you for your story:-) > [@panache45](#): > > Here’s something that may be relevant: > > Donny Hathaway was a very talented Emmy-winning singer/songwriter of “soul” music. He and I were both born on the same day. But Donny Hathaway took his own life in January 1979, at the age of 33. > > I think back at my life, and think about what if it had ended when I was 33. I had experienced a lot by then, but only a fraction of what I’ve experienced, and done, in the years since then. If I had thought that there was nothing more to live for, that my best years were behind me, I couldn’t have been more wrong. My 33-year-old self would be amazed at what my life has been since then . . . all the places I’ve traveled to, the people I’ve known (especially my partner, who I didn’t meet until I was 42), and an entirely new career. In fact, most of this has occurred since I turned 50. > > Oh sure, the older I get, the more age-related challenges there are. But the “best years of my life” are the 50+ years, including things that I couldn’t even imagine when I was 33. And I have some great plans for the future as well. > > Donny Hathaway didn’t know what he was missing. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/88 "2015-10-22T13:37:38Z")
Hey **Stoid**. You still with us?This has to be the funniest title for a zombie thread ever. I concentrate on today. All I have is today. All I have to face and deal with is today. Satchel Page once said “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?” I’m 25, thankyouverymuch. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/89 "2015-10-22T14:01:11Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > Go to the library and read it - it’s only 10 pages or so. So shorter than the OP then. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/90 "2015-10-22T16:01:33Z")
> [@maggienoodles](#): > > but your words made me realise all the things I think I want to do and might not get to do may be completely outshone by things and opportunities I will experience that I may not yet have even dreamed off…I need to start to focus on how I can make each day I’m living fun and enjoyable, thank you for your story:-) This. And just think of all the wondrous things that you can’t even imagine that your child will get to experience in their life. Today we have the Internet. Such a marvelous thing. This great sharing of knowledge. I remember showing my grandma Wikipedia the first time and how amazed she was. We spent a couple of hours looking up stuff she was interested in. She has sewn her whole life since she was a child and was taught by her mom. I showed her sewing tutorials on YouTube and it blew her mind that 1. people still sewed their own clothes and 2. that the tutorials even existed and that anyone could learn. What spectacular things will exist in the future for us and your child to experience. My take on the whole death thing is that life is an amusement park and death is the admission price. I’d say we got the better end of the deal. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/91 "2015-10-22T16:05:45Z")
Wait long enough, and you’ll get over _everything!_😛 ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/92 "2015-10-22T16:07:00Z")
Everyone is just one slip in the bathtub away from death anyway. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/93 "2015-10-22T16:07:08Z")
I am 67 and just starting to deal with some of the end of life as I know it issues. A disproporionately large aspect of my identitiy is invested into a single pursuit type passion of mine. Limited income, and physical changes are forceing me to rethink the roll I will continue to play in my passion. I am presently attemting to reinvent myself into a roll that an older gentleman could maintain well into old age. Writing, my new pasion! No way am I just giving up. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/94 "2015-10-22T16:46:03Z")
General Patton reputedly asked his soldiers to think: “Did it ever occur to you that dying could be _exciting?_” (From a book I once read called “Patton’s Principles”, a collection of biographical anecdotes written by a junior career officer who worked with him.) ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/95 "2015-10-22T16:49:21Z")
I worry a little bit about dying sometimes. But I worry _much much more and much more often_ about things that could happen in the process of dying, or even much before that: Long-term and severe disease, injury, pain, debility. If I’m ever significantly debilitated and/or in severe irreversible pain or discomfort due to age, disease, injury, stroke, etc., someone please just pull the plug! My biggest fear is that I might end up like that, and nobody will just pull the plug. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/96 "2015-10-22T17:40:36Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Today we have the Internet. Such a marvelous thing. This great sharing of knowledge. I remember showing my grandma Wikipedia the first time and how amazed she was. We spent a couple of hours looking up stuff she was interested in. What’d she think when you showed her Chatroulette? ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2015, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/97 "2015-10-22T17:54:52Z")
Fearing dying and fearing death are two different things. Death is painless. Dying might not be. As Kenny Rogers sang; _And the best that you can hope for Is to die in your sleep."_ ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2015, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/98 "2015-10-23T00:51:21Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Wait long enough, and you’ll get over _everything!_😛 That’s kind of what I came to post. By the time I’m really old, maybe 100 or so. I’ll be so tired, and over everything, death will just seem like a nice, welcome rest. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2015, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/99 "2015-10-23T01:12:52Z")
Two things I once read that stuck with me; When you reach the gates of heaven they weigh you soul against a feather and you only get in if it’s lighter! And; "We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.” Works for me! ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2015, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734/100 "2015-10-23T01:44:31Z")
I didn’t realize this a zombie until I read my own post from two years ago. Nothing much changed, still trying to decide if my wife and I am should just mover to be near one of our kids. I just realized that at 78 and 9 months (to the day), I have lived about a haf year longer than my mother did (and about 15 years longer than my father). Several friends have kicked off and one more seems in bad shape (no diagnosis, but she weighs under 80 lb and suffers from constant nausea). But I will just soldier on with capabilities diminishing ever so slowly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-get-over-the-fear-of-growing-old-and-dying/589734.md?page=6)