# How can I learn to carry on a conversation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 15, 2009, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796 "2009-06-15T02:27:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2009, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/61 "2009-06-23T23:32:56Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > **Lakai** : Was this thread any help? Yes, but it’s more complicated than just that. I have hearing loss. It’s not so bad that I can’t function, but it’s bad enough that I miss around 40% of certain conversations. The problem with that is: (1) It’s hard to respond to something you didn’t hear. (2) It’s hard to ask people to repeat themselves or to admit you have a hearing problem in your early 20’s. Especially if you are talking to someone new. Plus, if I tell someone I have hearing loss and they start yelling at me, I want to punch them in the face. The reason being that I can hear fine if someone talks clearly and normally, but people assume something else when you say “hearing loss.” (3) It’s harder to pick up subjects of interest if you’re missing most of the conversation. (4) I’m more afraid of talking because I keep thinking I might repeat something I didn’t hear. (5) Once someone notices that I’m not listening I pretend that it’s because I’m not interested rather than because I didn’t hear him. This is because of point (2) above. (6) If I don’t hear one sentence, I don’t respond. Then the person thinks I don’t care about what he is saying and the conversation dies. I started this thread to see if I was doing anything wrong on the conversational side of things. Now it is clear to me that most of my problems are hearing related and I’ll have to suck it up and get hearing aids. I wanted to somehow avoid this, but it’s pretty obvious to me now that I have to do something about my hearing. Thanks for asking. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/62 "2009-06-24T14:09:23Z")
Good grief, get yourself to a hearing clinic! ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/63 "2009-06-24T14:15:48Z")
Sorry, that probably sounded a bit abrupt. But as someone who also has had hearing loss from a young age, I can’t tell you what a difference a hearing aid will make to your life, and only urge you to make the appointment as soon as possible! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/64 "2009-06-24T14:20:06Z")
> [@Lakai](#): > > I have hearing loss. You can either use that as an excuse, or as a topic of discussion! I’ve met some people with hearing loss who were brilliant conversationalists. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/65 "2009-06-24T19:57:47Z")
> [@Lakai](#): > > Twenty three years on the planet and I still haven’t figured this one out. So I’m turning to you guys for some help. What I would like is to have most of my social encounters not dive into awkward silence after only a few minutes. > > What can I do to keep up a conversation? We are designed to interact with each other, I would suggest trying to figure out the cause of your deficiency, something for example might be trust you depended on as a young child between your parents and you was violated somehow and you got very hurt which could change how you view others, with hidden defensiveness, or hidden mistrust. Another thing that might be the cause is being told or demonstrated that you were somehow less worthy then others. This will cause one to not feel entitled to speak with ‘real humans’. One thing that I have noticed is look at your house, if you put up a fence, or desire to, especially in the front, you may be defensive, which will block people, If you place plants to give you privacy, or desire to, especially in the front, you may feel unworthy and wish to fade out of sight, blend into the background. If you keep the front appearance of your house nice you are a open inviting person, if you let it go you are sending the message you don’t care about what society thinks about you. Not that this is a hard and fast rule, but is a possible indication IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![wonderlust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonderlust/32/7237_2.png) [@wonderlust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonderlust)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/66 "2009-06-24T20:09:14Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > We are designed to interact with each other, I would suggest trying to figure out the cause of your deficiency, something for example might be trust you depended on as a young child between your parents and you was violated somehow and you got very hurt which could change how you view others, with hidden defensiveness, or hidden mistrust. Another thing that might be the cause is being told or demonstrated that you were somehow less worthy then others. This will cause one to not feel entitled to speak with ‘real humans’. > > One thing that I have noticed is look at your house, if you put up a fence, or desire to, especially in the front, you may be defensive, which will block people, If you place plants to give you privacy, or desire to, especially in the front, you may feel unworthy and wish to fade out of sight, blend into the background. If you keep the front appearance of your house nice you are a open inviting person, if you let it go you are sending the message you don’t care about what society thinks about you. Not that this is a hard and fast rule, but is a possible indication IMHO. :::sputter::: WTF? Armchair much? ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/67 "2009-06-24T20:21:47Z")
Cool! My first time witnessing **Kanicbird’s** wackiness in a thread other than GD or The Pit! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/68 "2009-06-24T20:27:55Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > Cool! My first time witnessing **Kanicbird’s** wackiness in a thread other than GD or The Pit! Actually, I wonder if there’s anything to that. I think that sort of the reverse has happened to me. I’m a terrible housekeeper, and as a result I tend not to want to have guests over. I’ve been thinking that this might have a subconscious effect on my interactions with people. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/69 "2009-06-24T20:37:41Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Actually, I wonder if there’s anything to that. I think that sort of the reverse has happened to me. I’m a terrible housekeeper, and as a result I tend not to want to have guests over. I’ve been thinking that this might have a subconscious effect on my interactions with people. This is a far cry from being literally unable to hear what someone is saying, as **Leiko** is claiming as his reason for having a hard time with conversation. I agree that he can very easily turn it into a topic of conversation: “I’m a bit hard of hearing.” [Insert one or two sentences how it came to be, but leave out just enough to let the other person ask more about it to gauge interest and just how much they’re paying attention.] Then follow with: “So forgive me if I ask you to repeat something now again, please have patience and bear with me.” [Flash big, heart-melting smile] 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/70 "2009-06-25T01:34:22Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > This is a far cry from being literally unable to hear what someone is saying, as **Leiko** is claiming as his reason for having a hard time with conversation. Leiko? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/71 "2009-06-25T01:35:45Z")
> [@Lakai](#): > > Leiko? :dubious: Sorry about that. I have been mentally confusing the two names for a while now and only today it made it’s way from my brain to my fingertips. Apologies. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2009, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796/72 "2009-06-27T16:34:14Z")
> [@Diz](#): > > Judging by what works on the SDMB, I would suggest saying something provocative about religion, gay marriage, gun control, or the economy. Possibly talk about kittens. > > Note that this may not have quite the result you were hoping for 😉 I think we could stimulate the economy by shooting gay married kittens, like the bible says. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-i-learn-to-carry-on-a-conversation/499796.md?page=3)