# How can Star Wars be any worse? Suggestions, please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 22, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760 "2005-03-22T19:44:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/21 "2005-03-22T22:01:07Z")
Replace all the lightsabers with walke-talkies. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/22 "2005-03-22T22:08:16Z")
Ohhh… I have one, but I can’t decide if it is a horrible idea or a great one, inasmuch as it can add a little humor to a sinkining ship Have a small cameo, or a throwaway reveal that the movie space Ball isn’t a parody of Space Wars, but a real incident in the SW galaxy. Kinda’ like how: > [@Jackson Publick](#): > > Cartoon Network OWNS Race Bannon! Well, we just had to take advantage of that and kill him. It’s also nice to just throw in this character from a show we’re supposedly parodying as if to say “no, it’s not a parody…they’re in the same world!” Makes me want to do an episode with a grown up Johnny some time, but one can’t wallow in parody all one’s life, can one? ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/23 "2005-03-22T22:10:58Z")
Mace: What does Yoda look like? Palpatine: Buh? Mace: _What_ does Yoda _LOOK LIKE_? Palpatine: Um…ah…well, he’s kinda short…green… Mace: Does he look like a bitch?? Palpatine: What? Mace: Does he _look_ look like a _BITCH_??? Palpatine: Um…no… Mace: Then why you tryin’ ta _fuck him like a bitch_?? ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/24 "2005-03-22T22:36:49Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Digitally remove Natalie’s nipples > > - oh, they did that already. What?! Say it ain’t so. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/25 "2005-03-22T22:41:51Z")
A droid Jedi, that would kaibosch the whole idea of The Force being part of nature. Obi Wanky Knobby (sp?) could forget about the two droids he’s been hanging about with for the last two prequils. George Look-ass could try to write a tear jerker. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/26 "2005-03-22T22:42:12Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > In _Star Wars_, as Vader closes the distance between to Luke’s X-Wing, instead of intoning “I have you now,” he cuts loose with an exuberant “Yippiee!” Holy crap. People really _do_ roll on the floor laughing their ass off at one-liners they read on message boards. I never thought it would happen to me. The moralizing about “Death Sticks” in Episode One doesn’t go nearly far enough to encourage kids to Just Say No. The spice-hookah should be replaced with a gumball machine in the Mos Eisley cantina, and Wuhrer’s line about not serving 'droids should be relooped to reflect his unwillingness to allow Luke’s obviously under-21 ass into the cantina. He stays outside and the 'droids keep him company. Also, a man of Han’s unimpeachable character would never _knowingly_ be smuggling spice for Jabba. All dialogue about him jettisoning a shipment in anticipation of being boarded by the Imperial Navy should be altered to reflect that he went to authorities _voluntarily_ when he acidentally discovered that the Hutts had fraudulently filled out the shipping manifest, and he wasn’t carrying donated toys for orphaned Rodians in Mos Espa after all. _That’s_ why Jabba’s so pissed at him. Also, the 20th Century Fox executives were right all along. Chewbacca really _should_ be wearing pants. Instead of dying after the birth of the twins, Padme should lapse into a permanent vegetative state, and twelve hours of screen time should be dedicated to [Senator Lott Dodd, acting in the Machiavellian interest of Palpatine](http://lott.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=Images.Detail&Image_id=137&ImageGallery_id=35), delivering an interminable series of absurd motions in the Senate to keep her body going on a bacta drip. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/27 "2005-03-22T22:46:22Z")
I heard something about a 3D movie that was planned to be made, but fortunately, the idea was dropped. If it was made, I would hate for their the title crawl stating it was a long time ago get cut, and then have hints dropped that it actually takes place in the future, hints which make no sense to the first time viewer. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/28 "2005-03-22T22:56:31Z")
[Psst… **Scott\_plaid** …](http://u.sbsun.com/Stories/0,1413,216~24281~2770542,00.html) ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/29 "2005-03-22T23:02:16Z")
Yeah, I know. That was meant to be a “[Sequels you have decided don’t exist.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=268502)” ---
**Author:** ![cormac262](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@cormac262](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cormac262)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/30 "2005-03-22T23:36:03Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > Mace: What does Yoda look like? > Palpatine: Buh? > Mace: _What_ does Yoda _LOOK LIKE_? > Palpatine: Um…ah…well, he’s kinda short…green… > Mace: Does he look like a bitch?? > Palpatine: What? > Mace: Does he _look_ look like a _BITCH_??? > Palpatine: Um…no… > Mace: Then why you tryin’ ta _fuck him like a bitch_?? LOL. But you’re missing the point - that would be a HUGE improvement ! Palpatine (cameo by Ving Rhames) to Annakin: When you put on the helmet you might feel something. That’s the “good” side of the Force fuckin’ with you. FUCK the “good” side. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/31 "2005-03-22T23:39:37Z")
> [@SPOOFE](#): > > Digitally edit the ending of _A New Hope_ so that instead of using the Force to guide his torpedoes into the small thermal exhaust port, Luke inverses the phase capacitance of his warp coil transducers and reroutes the power through his main deflector dish. No. Instead of the torpedo being small, make it large, kind of like a bomb, and have Luke guide it in by riding on it, waving a suddenly appearing cowboy hat and going “Wahoo, wahoo.” ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/32 "2005-03-22T23:45:11Z")
Mike Myers stars as Ben Kenobi’s brother _Obi-hayve_ ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/33 "2005-03-23T00:00:04Z")
Instead of James Earl Jones, Darth Vader’s voice dubbed by Michael Jackson. Or Bobcat Goldthwaite. Or Pee-Wee Herman. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/34 "2005-03-23T00:53:19Z")
Replace Darth Vader with Twiki from Buck Rogers, including Mel Blanc’s voice. Recast Jason Alexander as Luke. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/35 "2005-03-23T02:27:52Z")
Jar Jar is fired and turns to prostitution for a living… “Meesa so horny. Meesa love yousa long time.” ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/36 "2005-03-23T02:54:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Digitally remove Natalie’s nipples > > - oh, they did that already. Unfortunately, they were never there in the first place. Her costume was just tailored (very well, I might add) to make it look like they were. What you were seeing weren’t nipples, but just the corners of those pocket-like layers on her tunic. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/37 "2005-03-23T03:30:03Z")
As Padme hurries through the forest with baby Luke and Leia, she suddenly stops just short of a clearing. “Shh,” she tells the children. “Don’t make a sound. Now. Run! As fast as you can!” Luke and Leia dash across the clearing. Behind them a single shot rings out. “That was close, mama. Mama? MAMA???” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/38 "2005-03-23T03:38:46Z")
In the final scene, Han Solo realizes his wookie partner has rabies and has to shoot Ole Chewie. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/39 "2005-03-23T03:44:19Z")
Episode III is released as a musical. “The PHAAAAAAAAA…ntom of the Jedi, he is heeeeeeere… insiiiiiide your miiiiiind!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/40 "2005-03-23T04:06:29Z")
> [@cormac262](#): > > Palpatine (cameo by Ving Rhames) to Annakin: When you put on the helmet you might feel something. That’s the “good” side of the Force fuckin’ with you. FUCK the “good” side. Funny! 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760.md?page=3)