# How can Star Wars be any worse? Suggestions, please. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 22, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760 "2005-03-22T19:44:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![well\_he\_s\_back](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3ab097/32.png) [@well\_he\_s\_back](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/well_he_s_back)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/61 "2005-03-23T19:30:10Z")
Wow - with so much love and sacrifice it would be like, well, like Titanic in Space! ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/62 "2005-03-23T20:51:24Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > Mace: What does Yoda look like? > Palpatine: Buh? > Mace: _What_ does Yoda _LOOK LIKE_? > Palpatine: Um…ah…well, he’s kinda short…green… > Mace: Does he look like a bitch?? > Palpatine: What? > Mace: Does he _look_ look like a _BITCH_??? > Palpatine: Um…no… > Mace: Then why you tryin’ ta _fuck him like a bitch_?? Actually, having Tarentino direct could only make the prequels better. Obi-wan: Did you see a sign out in front of my house that said “Dead Jedi Storage?” Mace Windew: [pause] No. I didn’t. Obi-wan: You know WHY you didn’t see that sign? Mace: Why? Obi-wan: 'Cause it ain’t there, 'cause storing dead Jedi ain’t my fucking business, that’s why! ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/63 "2005-03-23T21:07:46Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > This thread is about making Star Wars WORSE, fool! I know, but that image popped into my head & it cheered me up so much I had to share. How about we have the part of the Emperor played by Mr T. - “I pity the Jedi fools” ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/64 "2005-03-23T21:42:34Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Have Mace Windu do a rap number in a stereotypical inner-city African-American accent. …not Mace, but still, enjoy… [http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/sw/content/gangsta\_rap](http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/sw/content/gangsta_rap) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/65 "2005-03-23T21:50:07Z")
D\*\*n you RickJay. While I loved the original movie, and most of the next two (until the Ewoks, anyway), I’m really not that invested in the series, such that I haven’t even seen the first two movies (that is episode I and II), except snippets. Yet I’m still going to wake up tonight screaming "No! Say it can’t ever happen! Not Jedi Jar-Jar! Noo! " It hurts because it’s true… or at least all too possible. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/66 "2005-03-23T22:02:38Z")
Good Og, **RickJay**!! You’ve taken my worst nightmare and given details to the darkest corners that I was afraid to go into. Lovecraft ain’t got nothin’ on you! ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/67 "2005-03-23T22:32:14Z")
Lucasfilm could contract out with Henson associates to introduce the replacements for the Ewoks, this race is an offshoot of the Wookies (and is a race the Wookies would rather not talk about, thank you very much, officially they “don’t exist”…) , they take the physical appearance of a Terran bear wearing a hat and, flowery scarf their special attack mode is telling really bad, groaningly bad jokes this race is known as… The Wakkas! (and just to make sure they have no redeeming qualities, one of their females will fall in love with the Jar-Jar Jedi, thus combining the horrors of Gunganese and really bad jokes…) ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2005, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/68 "2005-03-23T22:57:16Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Obi-wan: Did you see a sign out in front of my house that said “Dead Jedi Storage?” [Great minds think alike…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5965101&#post5965101) > [@Larry Mudd](#): > > Skyscrapers bloom up on Cor-us-cant > Airspeeders zoom up on Cor-us-cant > The Empire looms up on Cor-us-cant > Jedis are doomed up on Cor-us-cant > Even the baddest mofo in space > Dead Jedi Storage for you, Mace! (To the tune of “America” from _West Side Story_.) ---
**Author:** ![Dan\_Norder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4af34b/32.png) [@Dan\_Norder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dan_Norder)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/69 "2005-03-24T06:34:22Z")
Jar-Jar jedi becomes such a great Jedi that Yado suggests that all Jedis should now be called JarJars. Mace Windu says, “Yes, that is only right.” Obi Wan agrees, and Padme/Amidala claps her hands together and jumps up and down, cooing. She falls in love with Jar-Jar, and we know (even though Anakin doesn’t) that the kids are really the all-powerful floppy-eared ones. Final battle scene fought on the planet of the Fraggles. Kid Anakin inexplicably shows up, kicks Yoda’s behind in a duel while holding his light saber in his mouth. Vader’s armor is shown to actually be composed of hundred of cute, marketable sentient drones who combine into one mean-fighting machine, each with a frequently-used catchphrase of its own. George Lucas has an extended cameo as some superJedi from the past who shows up to set things right, only to leave with the helpful words “You must face this threat alone, for I could save you all, but great good can come from the triumph of evil” or some other bogus pseudo-philosophical claptrap. But, as a parting gift, he leaves his trusted assistants, that fat kid from the Internet video and Michael Jackson in his regular clothing. They mysteriously disappear later by themselves and are never seen again. ---
**Author:** ![Leviosaurus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Leviosaurus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leviosaurus)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/70 "2005-03-24T07:38:15Z")
> [@cormac262](#): > > Palpatine (cameo by Ving Rhames) to Annakin: When you put on the helmet you might feel something. That’s the “good” side of the Force fuckin’ with you. FUCK the “good” side. Oh great, thanks a lot. Now I’ve got this idea in my head of an extended fight/chase between Obi Wan and Vader that leads to a confrontation in an Alderaanian pawnshop, where the owner holds them at gunpoint and then rapes Vader in the back room. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/71 "2005-03-24T07:44:39Z")
Amidala: Who’s speeder is this? Obi-wan: Watto’s. Amidala: Who’s Watto? Obi-wan: Watto’s blotto, baby. Watto’s blotto. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/72 "2005-03-24T07:55:57Z")
> [@Leviosaurus](#): > > Oh great, thanks a lot. Now I’ve got this idea in my head of an extended fight/chase between Obi Wan and Vader that leads to a confrontation in an Alderaanian pawnshop, where the owner holds them at gunpoint and then rapes Vader in the back room. Vader: Now I’m gonna get some lightsaber wielding sith to come down and get old republic on his ass. And I can’t wait for the scene where Boba fett ties Jarjar to a chair and starts cutting his ears off… ---
**Author:** ![Leviosaurus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Leviosaurus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leviosaurus)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/73 "2005-03-24T08:10:29Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Vader: Now I’m gonna get some lightsaber wielding sith to come down and get old republic on his ass. > > And I can’t wait for the scene where Boba fett ties Jarjar to a chair and starts cutting his ears off… Amidalia: “You heard that Annikan threw Jar Jar out of a fourth story window because he gave me a _foot massage_? And that seemed reasonable to you?” Obi Wan: “No, it seemed excessive, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen…” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/74 "2005-03-24T16:18:23Z")
[Obligatory link to _Imperial Dogs_ site.](http://www.studiocreations.com/imperialdogs/) (It’s too bad the video is down, but you get the idea. Be sure to listen to the songs.) ---
**Author:** ![cormac262](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@cormac262](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cormac262)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2005, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760/75 "2005-03-24T16:59:30Z")
> [@Leviosaurus](#): > > Amidalia: “You heard that Annikan threw Jar Jar out of a fourth story window because he gave me a _foot massage_? And that seemed reasonable to you?” > > Obi Wan: “No, it seemed excessive, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen…” Which, of course, leads us right into the dance competition at the alien bar… Dang it, I keep forgetting we’re trying to make Star Wars worse ! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-star-wars-be-any-worse-suggestions-please/295760.md?page=3)