# How can you deal with how infuriating bigots can be? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 25, 2018, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460 "2018-01-25T17:13:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BloodStalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee59a6/32.png) [@BloodStalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BloodStalk)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2018, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/1 "2018-01-25T17:13:31Z")
This is based off my discussion with recent bigots and it just irritates me how ignorant and close minded they can be and how they don’t seem to understand that their views are harmful and any criticism they receive is ‘attacking and harsh.’ I know they are lost causes but how can I deal with how irritating they are? ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2018, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/2 "2018-01-25T17:17:03Z")
Stop caring? I know it sounds harsh or that you aren’t helping anything, but you said it yourself, they’re lost causes. The less you care about how people act, the more tolerable they are. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2018, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/3 "2018-01-25T17:17:52Z")
Don’t talk to them. Plus it’s entirely possible they consider you to be an “ignorant”, “close minded” “bigot” who can’t take criticism either - I often find that people project their worst traits onto their opponents. If neither of you are going to change your minds and consider each other irritating and a “lost cause”, why put yourself through the hassle? ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2018, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/4 "2018-01-25T17:21:01Z")
How else would they become bigots, if they weren’t ignorant and close-minded? ---
**Author:** ![BloodStalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee59a6/32.png) [@BloodStalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BloodStalk)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/5 "2018-02-02T03:58:17Z")
It makes me so mad how they say racist shit and when you call them out, they’re like, stop being so sensitive or get offended by everything under the sun or something. How can I learn to just leave them in their ignorance and pitiful state. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/6 "2018-02-02T04:21:49Z")
This may not make you feel better, but if you stay matter-of-fact and non-emotional in your tone it will help remove some of their ammunition against you. You can say things like “I don’t agree with that” or “that is not correct” instead of things like “you shouldn’t talk like that” or “how can you be so stupid/wrong/bigoted.” In other words, focus on the content and not on the person. That’s one way to model better behavior without coming across as offended and judgmental. Eventually, if these are people you have to associate with (such as for work) they will learn your boundaries and maybe respect them in your presence. I think that’s the best you can hope for. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/7 "2018-02-02T07:59:31Z")
> [@BloodStalk](#): > > It makes me so mad how they say racist shit and when you call them out, they’re like, stop being so sensitive or get offended by everything under the sun or something. How can I learn to just leave them in their ignorance and pitiful state. If Internet forums are any guide to properties of humanity I’d say you’re doomed to be obsessed over what other people think. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/8 "2018-02-02T08:38:06Z")
> [@roderick femm](#): > > eventually, if these are people you have to associate with (such as for work) they will learn your boundaries and **maybe respect them in your presence**. I think that’s the best you can hope for. rotflmao! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/9 "2018-02-02T09:47:27Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > If Internet forums are any guide to properties of humanity I’d say you’re doomed to be obsessed over what other people think. I don’t often agree with **octopus** but I agree with this. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/10 "2018-02-02T12:26:11Z")
> [@BloodStalk](#): > > It makes me so mad how they say racist shit and when you call them out, they’re like, stop being so sensitive or get offended by everything under the sun or something. How can I learn to just leave them in their ignorance and pitiful state. It helps if you were raised with it. I was. You learn to ignore, or change the subject. That’s it ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/11 "2018-02-02T12:33:25Z")
I don’t agree that doing nothing implies you agree with someone that’s saying something wrong/bad/hateful. There are plenty of times when walking away from the situation, not responding, going to another website and/or not feeding the trolls be it in meat or cyber space goes a long way. In many cases, a whole lot further than trying to ‘reason’ with someone whose mind cannot or will not be changed and is essentially just picking fights. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/12 "2018-02-02T13:34:54Z")
Fuck 'em. No, don’t have sex with them, just do not interact. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/13 "2018-02-02T16:05:52Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Fuck 'em. > > No, don’t have sex with them, just do not interact. Or have sex with them. May as well have some pleasant interaction. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/14 "2018-02-02T16:41:54Z")
The only winning move is not to play. If you continue to engage, you’ll continue to be frustrated. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/15 "2018-02-02T16:51:41Z")
I’ve found one sentence to be helpful when dealing with friends and acquaintances. “I’m not the right audience for that sort of thing” Just keep repeating it. If they don’t get the hint, they’re not your friends and you don’t need them as acquaintances. Yes, I’ve had to explain it. Bigots tend to be forceful and shameless in sharing their bigotry. Then it comes down to telling them that I don’t share their beliefs and I don’t want to hear it, so they’re not gaining anything by “throwing it in my face”, and if they want to talk freedom of speech or their rights, I _could_ start sharing my opinion about them and their kind, but that’s not my style. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/16 "2018-02-02T17:26:27Z")
After Trump was elected, one of my sisters resolved to not allow bigoted statements/actions to go unmentioned. Her intention was not to fight with or convince anyone, but simply to inform them that she did not agree with or appreciate their words/actions. I respect that position. The most bigoted person I know is my FIL. Many years back I was golfing w/ him and 2 other old guys, who were saying all manner of racist stuff. At one point I simply said, “I disagree with everything you have been saying for the past several minutes.” Their response was a patronizing, “That’s understandable; you’re young. You’ll learn.” On other occasions we told him to not say certain things around our young children. It is weird, when someone has bigoted opinions which are based primarily on ignorance, rather than any personal experience. It can also be difficult when the person is part of a group that pursues an activity you enjoy. For example, one old guy we used to golf with would talk about “the shines.” As far as a golf partner, he was otherwise fine. I guess I was able to overlook such racist comments, in order to occasionally be in a 4-some with him. When I used to live in IN, I used to play bluegrass music in areas that were EXTREMELY white and racist. They were the only folk about. So the choice was to either figure out how to deal with such people, or to not do the things I enjoy. In such situations, you find you can deal with people on an extremely superficial level. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/17 "2018-02-02T17:57:12Z")
I would recommend avoiding them. Assholes aren’t worth your time. Failing that, I would recommend telling them something like, “No offense, I don’t feel like dealing with your bullshit. If you can’t cut it out I don’t want anything to do with you.” And then avoid them. ---
**Author:** ![Anglachel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Anglachel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anglachel)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/18 "2018-02-02T18:32:43Z")
The OP is too generic to allow insightful commentary. It could refer to white supremacists who need to be reported to the police. It could also mean “someone with a different view than me”. On these boards, the second is by far the most common. Almost all of us would benefit from being more tolerant, not just the ones labelled bigots. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2018, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/19 "2018-02-02T23:41:28Z")
> [@Anglachel](#): > > The OP is too generic to allow insightful commentary. It could refer to white supremacists who need to be reported to the police. It could also mean “someone with a different view than me”. On these boards, the second is by far the most common. Almost all of us would benefit from being more tolerant, not just the ones labelled bigots. Reported to the police for what? A thought crime? ---
**Author:** ![glowacks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/glowacks/32/5548_2.png) [@glowacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glowacks)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2018, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460/20 "2018-02-04T07:30:51Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > Reported to the police for what? A thought crime? Did you miss the “could”? It’s within the realm of possibility that they are conspiring to commit crimes. Or is something that the OP mentioned specifically exclude such possibilities? Yes, it’s unlikely. But it’s not impossible. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-deal-with-how-infuriating-bigots-can-be/807460.md?page=2)