# How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 27, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805 "2003-05-27T17:11:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/21 "2003-05-27T21:27:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wonko The Sane \* > \*\*I think they spent all of the money on black helicopters that circle my house projecting mind control beams into my cat’s head. > > I’ve spent over ten dollars this year making tinfoil helmets for Mister Jack, my cat. He loves them. \*\* I want to see a picture of a kitty wearing this tinfoil chapeau.😉 ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/22 "2003-05-27T22:23:05Z")
[scratchy radio broadcast] “Hello! This is OnStar” “Hi! This is tank commander XXXX. I’ve lost my tank. Can you give me its location?” “Yessir! We show your vehicle to be at ZZZZZZ. Can we call anyone for you?” “Roger. Please call Gen. YYYYY and report the position.” “yessir. I’m making that call now. Can we call anyone else for you?” “Sure. Call my wife and tell her I’ll be home late for dinner, again. Tell her I’m OK.” "Yessir. Help is on the way. Have a good day.[/Crackly radio communication] 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/23 "2003-05-27T22:37:38Z")
Or, alternately: “Hello, this is OnStar.” “Help! This is XXXX, my tank just got hit, I’m hurt!” “All right, sir. Our computers indicate you were struck with an anti-tank round, is the fighting over?” “No, I can hear the explosions around me!” “Please wait, sir, while I call your platoon leader.” _Bzzzzzt … Bzzzzzzt_ “Hello?” “Hello, sir, this is YYYY from OnStar, I have a client at position ZZZZ who seems to be under enemy attack and requests assistance…” “All right, I’ll dispatch a crew of F-16s immediately.” “Thank you, sir.” **Click** “Hello, XXXX?” “Yes?” “I just called your platoon leader, help is on the way, do you want me to stay on the line with you?” ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/24 "2003-05-27T22:40:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tars Tarkas \* > \*\*How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers? > > The pentagon managed to. \*\* They’ll probably find them in last place they look. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/25 "2003-05-27T23:09:00Z")
Note to self: remember this. Then, next time a teacher or parental-unit gets on my case for loosing a homework assignment, misplacing my palmpilot, or some other similar scenario, I can just say “At least I didn’t loose fifty freakin’ six airplanes!” ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2003, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/26 "2003-05-27T23:12:35Z")
they checked the laundramat, didn’t they? I’m forever loosin stuff there. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/27 "2003-05-28T00:30:48Z")
> [@](#): > > The Pentagon’s own inspector general recently admitted that the department could not account for more than a **trillion dollars** of past spending. Yeeps. I mean, even if they go back a few years, that’s a few years’ worth of entire DoD budgets all by itself. A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon it starts adding up to real money. But a _trillion??_ That’s real money to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/28 "2003-05-28T03:22:14Z")
That’s almost ten times Canada’s entire federal budget. ---
**Author:** ![Beagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Beagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beagle)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/29 "2003-05-28T03:40:51Z")
> [@](#): > > “How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers?” Man, we were so drunk. OR Never underestimate the power of cheese. [aside] Those super advanced–pricey–stealthy tactical fighters will look great hauling 500 lb. bombs. Why don’t we build a new big bomber to haul them by the dozens? The B-52s are older than I am. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/30 "2003-05-28T04:15:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Beagle \* > \*\*[aside] Those super advanced–pricey–stealthy tactical fighters will look great hauling 500 lb. bombs. Why don’t we build a new big bomber to haul them by the dozens? The B-52s are older than I am. \*\* I wonder stuff like this too. I keep hearing how we have stuff like the Huey, Chinook, B-52, etc. are old and they aren’t being made anymore and they’re falling apart and we don’t have any replacements. Why not just pay and have some more built? ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/31 "2003-05-28T04:40:58Z")
[hijack] I’ve seen so many posts propounded the wonderful defensive qualities of tin foil hats that I want one of my own, but nobody ever reveals the most important aspect: do you put the shiny side out or in? [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/32 "2003-05-28T04:49:49Z")
What do you answer a thread title with? An Onion headline. How can you lose 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers? [What The Hell Did I Cram In My Anus Last Night?](http://www.theonion.com/onion3605/cram_in_my_anus.html) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/33 "2003-05-28T04:51:14Z")
You double side the tin foil hat. Shiny side in so your brain waves don’t escape to be tracked or read. And… Shiny side out to reflect mind control beams. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/34 "2003-05-28T04:54:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*That’s almost ten times Canada’s entire federal budget. \*\* What’s a _Canada_? ;j \<---- That’s me and my tin foil hat ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/35 "2003-05-28T05:09:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wonko The Sane \* > \*\* > > I’ve spent over ten dollars this year making tinfoil helmets for Mister Jack, my cat. He loves them. \*\* I don’t know why the hell this cracked me up so much but I haven’t stopped laughing for about 10 minutes straight now. (And I thought I was super-cool by naming my cat “Elvis”, I’ve got nothin’ on “Mr. Jack”) ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/36 "2003-05-28T06:34:44Z")
All will be resolved when they lose a transport ship. In “Chickenhawk” Robert Mason tells a story about how a chopper failed to return from a mission in Vietnam, and it was never found. Every quartermaster in the region was cheering because they now had the perfect means of balancing their books. Gosh darn if every pesky missing item of portable equipment formerly shown on their books didn’t _happen_ to have been on that flight. Mason reckons that when they added it up, the chopper had by some mysterious means been carrying about 100 tons of loose gear. No wonder it went down! So next time the US loses an army transport in very deep water, don’t be surprised if it is subsequently discovered that the 56 airplanes, 32 tanks, and 36 missile launchers were on board. RIP ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/37 "2003-05-28T13:40:00Z")
Psst… I think I found them while traveling in Pennsylvania this past weekend. In each small town we drove through, we located mysterious organizations labeled V.F.W. Outside their meeting halls (mosques?) we identified tanks, airplanes, and cannons. Crafty devils hiding them in plain sight like that. I am still attempting to break the encryption and determine the meaning of “V.F.W”. Mean “001” Joe ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/38 "2003-05-28T13:47:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*You double side the tin foil hat. > > Shiny side in so your brain waves don’t escape to be tracked or read. > > And… > > Shiny side out to reflect mind control beams. \*\* Oooooh. I underestimated the possibilities. What if I only put the shiny side out (to defect outside rays) and add an antenna with a 9 volt battery attached to the top of it? Can I then broadcast mind control beams of my own? Yippee! Then when I think those impatient commands at the dipshits around me (“Hey! Pick up that trash and put it in the barrel!” “You with the crying little boy! Get off the cell phone and pay attention to him!” “Move, you asshole! You don’t have to stop to check your receipt in the fucking doorway!”) they will leap into action and stop annoying me. This is wonderful! Must rush out and buy some Reynolds Wrap – all I’ve got 'em house is the cheaper store brand, and I’m sure that’s inferior. Maybe I’ll even spring for the heavy duty freezer variety. Now…what do I make the antenna out of? ---
**Author:** ![Beagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Beagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beagle)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/39 "2003-05-28T14:15:11Z")
True story: I remember… _shimmer, shimmer_ …a woman standing in front of the White House in 1982\* wearing a tinfoil hat to protect herself from the “dangerous rays governments were beaming at her head.” She was a Grade A nutjob, IMO–at the time. But [NOW I KNOW THIS!](http://firms.findlaw.com/vphage/memo2.htm) :eek: She was probably on her lunch break from the West Wing, _pretending_ to be a homeless person. 😉 On a slightly serious note, would tinfoil protect your head from microwaves? [sub]Black helicopters circling… Oops. Those are dragonflies. [/sub] \*I was a congressional intern. Not _that_ kind. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805/40 "2003-05-28T20:57:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by StarvingButStrong \* > \*\*Oooooh. I underestimated the possibilities. What if I only put the shiny side out (to defect outside rays) and add an antenna with a 9 volt battery attached to the top of it? Can I then broadcast mind control beams of my own? > > \>snippy pinhead\< > > Now…what do I make the antenna out of? \*\* Radio shack replacement antenna # RJ7-003R from page 152 on the 1977 catalogue. One important thing though, you cannot extent it. That causes a cascade effect back toward the user, making one obssessed with polyester clothing. A very odd byproduct, sure, but still. So protect yourself. For best effect, grease the 9v contacts with _Crisco_™ The original kind. The CIA specially formulated it for this very purpose. (Little known fact) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-lose-56-airplanes-32-tanks-and-36-missile-launchers/177805.md?page=3)