Oh don’t be so provincial, you hick 
[sub]FTR: Skinny and I are from the same province. But I do live in “Holland” - and I can tell you that the hostility only goes one way.[/sub]
How do you recognise Tourists in Dublin? They’re the ones asking for directions to the book of elves
Tourists in Williamsburg:
– Usually have at least threee small children in tow
– Gawk at ordinary things, like sheep and horse-drawn carriages and troops parading with drum and fife
– Don’t slow down at crosswalks, even if there are college students running pell-mell in front of their car
– Take photos of random college students without asking their permission. (This turns out to be an international phenomenon: last summer, while I was writing in my journal in the Oxford Botanical Gardens, an American tourist walked up to me and snapped my picture. I didn’t bother telling her I was also an American tourist. I’ve probably made it into her photo album as a Genuine Oxford Scholar engaged in Deep Intellectual Pursuits.)
– Ask college students any of the following questions:
“Which of the taverns puts on the best show in the evenings?” (Dunno, do I look as if fiddling and pewter mugs of cider were my idea of a hot evening out?)
“Which way to the Christopher Wren building?” (When informed they’re standing in front of it.) “Really? But it doesn’t look anything like St. Paul’s!” (No kidding, lady, you don’t look anything like Princess Di either.)
“Is this a real college, or a reenactment?” (Of course it’s a reenactment – everybody knows the real college was burned during the Civil War. The reason we’re all wearing backpacks and jeans is that Friday was Casual Day in colonial times.)
Attempting to dampen the firestorm somewhat …
I don’t have any biometric data on the relative heights of Americans vs. Europeans, although it would be welcome; I was just giving my impression. FWIW, I’m taller than most Americans, so it’s harder to tell from my perspective. I stand by my impression that many more Americans than Europeans are too damn fat - I have that problem myself.
I do know there’s something that gives us away in Europe, whatever it is. Story time: I’d always been highly complimented in high school French class for my Paris accent as well as my grasp of the language (which has never helped me in Montreal - there’s a very different accent and some regionalisms in Quebecois that make it hopeless). So, I was happy to try it out on the locals when I finally got to Paris the first time. But EVERY STINKIN’ TIME I’d address a hotel or shop clerk or waiter in French, they’d answer in English without any change of expression. Just when I’d given up hope, a nice old lady asked me at the Arc de Triomphe which street was the Champs Elysee, and I WAS ABLE TO TELL HER!! Upon reflection, she might have been a clueless tourist like me, but I’d rather think she was a local. So there.
Getting back on topic…
Tourists in Sweden are the ones NOT in the fashion of the season. Seriously, the swedes buy new coats and everything every year. And picking Swedish tourists - there the couples going around in identical clothing (I am so much of an individual that I don’t need any characterising clothing). Germans are the only people I know who proudly wear socks and sandals everywhere - dead giveaway.
Australian tourists are the ones to ask the way to the cheapest hostel and then the nearest pub, or maybe that is always the people I meet.
And back to the hijack - The Dutch are the tallest nationality in the world. Only place where I feel comfortable with my 2 m (apart from my family). Funnily enough the only people I know who are taller are Austrlian and german though. I have no cite, everyone keeps on telling me that though.
In Perth (australia) the tourists are the ones who go to the beach in winter (it’s only 20C, way too cold)
In Melbourne, too. Local news was interviewing several Canadians, and one guy was in a tiny Speedo and said he was going swimming whether it was a cold snap or not.
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Florida, BTW. And it’s about 60F and windy right now.
Add -
- The tourist family is at each other’s throats after about 4 days of being together in a strange room, drinking strange water and the “we’re going to have a good time whether we like it or not” attitude.
- The tourist family tends to have newer clothes (especially new sneakers, not broken in, so add blisters and sore feet to the previous observation).
- The tourist group often has matching windbreakers, sweatsuits, or t-shirts with the tour company logo, either in the tour company’s or native country’s colors (quite the rule with South American tour groups, particularly when they are in groups of 50 or more). In addition, the tour group leader has a four-foot long wand or antenna with the tour company pennant, native country flag or Mickey Mouse strapped to the top, to easily identify the particular group, especially when there are 4 or more groups of 50 or more from the same tour company in the same theme park or shopping mall.
The central Florida area does not have adequate pedestrian or bus service, so most of the tourists travel by rental car (still easily identifiable) or megahuge tour bus (for the larger groups). Not too many tourists going to the downtown Orlando area lately (exept for Church Street Station); most of them stay around Downtown Disney, CityWalk or the shopping malls.
Here in Seattle it’s easy to tell the tourists from the natives:
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Natives walk around in the rain carrying umbrellas – folded up under their arms.
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Natives dress either in “Goth” or “Yuppie” attire – if you look reasonably “Normal”, you’re probably a tourist.
And personally, my favorite game when traveling is “Can we be mistaken for a native?” Which actually I have been, more than once. Most fun time: in Dijon, France, walking down the street alone humming a french song, when a car pulled up and the driver leaned out the window, gesticulating and obviously asking directions. Since I do NOT speak French (only knew the song phoenetically) I managed to blurt out “Non Parle Francais” and then made a hasty getaway. But it was an interesting experience.