# How can you tell if you are lonely? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 23, 2024, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549 "2024-01-23T16:17:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jackson99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@Jackson99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackson99)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/1 "2024-01-23T16:17:17Z")
I got new job and the new job is very boring ( **I want my old job back** ) and I think I’m experiencing loneliness now. I’m having feelings of sadness, emptiness, disconnect, being bored, restlessness, nervousness and anxiety, A longing for companionship, wanting to be around friends and family and feel sad and alone being by my self, hate being home alone. And wanting to go out a lot now and go shopping every day. Hate being by my self and home alone. I believe I’m suffering from loneliness. I’m wondering if others here suffer from loneliness or had suffered from loneliness in the past. What the cause is and symptoms. Well obviously I cannot get my old job back. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/2 "2024-01-23T16:55:03Z")
[Moderating] This isn’t a factual question, and so doesn’t belong in the Factual Questions forum. Moving to IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/3 "2024-01-23T17:02:46Z")
You’re describing symptoms of depression. Go see a therapist or psychiatrist. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/4 "2024-01-23T17:02:58Z")
The best defense against loneliness is to learn to like yourself and your own company. A hobby/creative pursuit can help with that. I’m naturally a solitary type. In a crowd I’m lonely more than when I’m alone. ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/5 "2024-01-23T17:04:06Z")
Loneliness is typical of deprssion. You should see a doctor about that possibility. Modern science has given us a wide range of drugs tbat can possibly help. I am extremely lonely, and suffer from extreme clinical depression I can mitigate it in a number of ways. First, medication. Second forming bonds with people who share your interests. Third, why are you lonely? Do you not have collegues, family or friends to fall back on? My loneliness started during COVID lockdown. It meant a divorce, which was not fun, and I have lost a bunch of friends because I isolated myself from them instead of asking them to help me cope. I really urge you to connect with your family, your close friends, and enter psychotherapy (doesnt need to be a psychologist a life coach may well do) As a fellow sufferer- good luck. You are a wonderful persoon. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/6 "2024-01-23T17:35:30Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > ou’re describing symptoms of depression. > > Go see a therapist or psychiatrist. > [@scudsucker](#): > > Loneliness is typical of deprssion. > > You should see a doctor about that possibility. Modern science has given us a wide range of drugs … Boy, I hate these sorts of kneejerk amateur diagnosis, and immediate suggestion to become part of the mental health care business. You don’t care for your new job, and feel a desire to go out and be around friends and family? Wouldn’t the first step be to - I dunno - go out and be around friends and family? And consider looking for a new job or trying to get your old job back. Why is it obvious that you can’t get it back? How long have you felt this way? How does your mood respond when you do go out and socialize? How are you spending your time when you are home? If you were doing something constructive or rewarding, you might not feel as lonely? People experience all manner of emotional states. Maybe you made a mistake in changing jobs, but feeling regret over a poor choice does not establish a treatable pathology. IMO we are a helluva lot more resilient than too many people wish to suggest. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/7 "2024-01-23T17:52:48Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > Go see a therapist or psychiatrist. Yeah, because if you’re sad for perfectly understandable reasons, what you really need is a diagnosis on your record and a prescription for brain-modifying chemicals :rolleyes: Feeling miserable when the situation quite reasonably calls for one to feel miserable is not a pathological condition. It’s not _pleasant_ but if one were to modify one’s brain chemistry so that one no longer feels that way, one might stay in a situation that is not in one’s long-term best interests. Disclaimer: I’m a psychiatric-rights activist and yes this is admittedly my soapbox. Psychiatric drugs may not be bad for everyone but they most certainly are not good for everyone, and there are a great many of us who have had truly horrid experiences with psychiatry, psychiatric practice, and psychiatric pharmaceuticals. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/8 "2024-01-23T18:27:14Z")
Yep. Not every person is depressed, ADHD, PTSD, on the spectrum or suicidal. It dilutes the services needed for seriously mentally ill people if everyone in the world is diagnosed with slight or mild depression. Some things are situational and not at all a permanent. If you miss your peeps get with them for visits. Seems simple. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/9 "2024-01-23T18:29:41Z")
The **only responsible advice** for a person describing symptoms of depression on an anonymous forum is to talk to a professional. It doesn’t have to be a psychiatrist and it doesn’t have to end with drugs, but “just get out into the world and feel better!” is potentially harmful advice, akin to telling somebody with a physical injury to walk it off. Suggesting that a person talk to a professional isn’t the same as saying they have a major pathology and it isn’t the same as saying they need to be put on drugs. That kind of stigma is exactly why people don’t get preventative mental healthcare and why little problems grow into bigger ones. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/10 "2024-01-23T19:08:29Z")
Here is a book on just how bad a boring or otherwise worthless or unproductive job can be for person stuck doing them. > **[Amazon.com: Bullshit Jobs: A Theory: 9781501143335: Graeber, David: Books](https://www.amazon.com/Bullshit-Jobs-Theory-David-Graeber/dp/1501143336)** > > Amazon.com: Bullshit Jobs: A Theory: 9781501143335: Graeber, David: Books Your local library may have a copy and you might find a valuable tidbit in there. IMO the punchline is what matters most: boring jobs make workers unhappy / depressed / crazy. Having nothing to do all day and being paid for it sounds like heaven at first glance. Turns out it’s hell. There’s nothing inherently wrong with your psyche when it responds to a situation exactly as it’s designed to. If the job is making you sad and unfufilled, try to find another. Easier said than done of course. Generally depressed folks don’t try to compensate for being sad or lonely. They tend to wallow in it instead. That doesn’t seem to be you. You’re fired up to go do something, which is good. Lastly, “retail therapy” is a) expensive, and b) not really very effective. To the degree you can aim at other coping ways with friends and activities, you’ll be happier. So will your budget. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/11 "2024-01-23T19:51:40Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > The **only responsible advice** for a person describing symptoms of depression on an anonymous forum is to talk to a professional. It doesn’t have to be a psychiatrist and it doesn’t have to end with drugs, but “just get out into the world and feel better!” is potentially harmful advice, akin to telling somebody with a physical injury to walk it off. It’s not an either/or proposition. I would never tell someone “just get out into the world and feel better”, which is barely short of “oh just get over your damn self”. I would definitely consider seeking the services of a social worker or counselor, someone you can talk this over with and help you clarify your thoughts and feelings. That’s a vastly different proposition than making an appointment with a psychiatrist. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/12 "2024-01-23T19:58:43Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > I would definitely consider seeking the services of a social worker or counselor, someone you can talk this over with and help you clarify your thoughts and feelings. Or, talk it over with a friend or family member. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/13 "2024-01-23T20:48:43Z")
Yes, true, it doesn’t need to be a professional. A paid piece of ear isn’t better at emotional intimacy than a caring person who is in one’s orbit. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2024, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/14 "2024-01-23T21:02:48Z")
Loneliness has nothing to do with the quantity of friends and is all about quality. The crux is, “Do you have someone **trustworthy** you can vent and blow steam off to, in a given situation?” If the answer is no, then 500 “friends” don’t count for anything. If the answer is yes, then even just 5 will do. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2024, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/15 "2024-01-24T01:56:45Z")
What will you do when you get lonely No one waiting by your side? You’ve been running, hiding much too long You know it’s just your foolish pride. —-Eric Clapton ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2024, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/16 "2024-01-24T03:17:42Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > The best defense against loneliness is to learn to like yourself and your own company. A hobby/creative pursuit can help with that. > > I’m naturally a solitary type. In a crowd I’m lonely more than when I’m alone. I think it depends on how much one likes being around other people and how much they get to spend doing stuff they want to do with people they want to hang out with. If your just getting up and going to (or logging in) to a job where you don’t really connect with or interact with your coworkers and then coming home to an empty house or apartment, yeah, I think that can be pretty lonely. I think maybe one thing to do before going to a therapist is maybe find some regular activities to join where you’ll see the same people each week. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2024, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/17 "2024-01-24T07:22:33Z")
The OP is expressing the need to be around friends and family. And substituting shopping for it. What’s unclear is why they’re not around these people. Distance? Or do these people not want to or have time to spend with Op? Seems like maybe there’s some money, because shopping. Until we know that I don’t see how we can determine what to tell them. I’m going with this is just separation anxiety. We all know what cures that. Until we know more. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2024, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/18 "2024-01-24T12:53:49Z")
There also seems to be some dissatisfaction around the new job. I’ve experienced going from a job I liked where I had a close relationship with a lot of my coworkers to one where what coworkers I had were dull and uninteresting corporate drones and I spent long stretches in isolation not having much work to do. I would have felt extremely lonely if I didn’t have any relationships outside of that job. If the job is remote, that might make things worse. There’s separation anxiety but sometimes you need to develop new relationships. It’s good to keep in touch with family and friends who move away, but I also think you need day to day relationships to build a connection to where you are. Otherwise you are in a constant state of feeling like you are “just visiting”. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2024, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/19 "2024-01-24T14:01:33Z")
> [@Jackson99](#): > > I got new job and the new job is very boring ( **I want my old job back** ) and I think I’m experiencing loneliness now. Is your new job 100% remote? If so, I would recommend looking for a new job. Even though you just switched jobs, I would still recommend it. I would also recommend talking to your supervisor/manager about getting involved in different work. ---
**Author:** ![Jackson99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@Jackson99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackson99)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2024, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549/20 "2024-01-24T17:22:48Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > then coming home to an empty house or apartment, yeah, I think that can be pretty lonely. Thing is I had things to do and my old job was more interesting and now things are boring and nothing to do at home. I use to see friends 3 times a week and now I want to see them every day. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-can-you-tell-if-you-are-lonely/996549.md?page=2)