# How come many black people get offended when people don't speak to them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 28, 2005, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386 "2005-12-28T01:40:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/21 "2005-12-28T15:31:49Z")
> [@tomndebb](#): > > Do you have a particularly off-putting visage? I can’t think of anywhere except supermarkets with automatic doors where people don’t hold doors in NE Ohio or SE Michigan. Same thing here in Western NY. People open doors for others, and let people with a few items in front of them in the store all the time in my town. Perhaps this is a small town/large city thing instead of a north/south thing. As for the thread, I (a black person) would be kind of offended if I smiled at someone and they just turned away, because it’s considered rude here. An elderly black cashier did get upset with me once because I didn’t make small talk with her, but I figured it was her general personality. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/22 "2005-12-28T15:33:13Z")
I am so sick and tired of this ridiculous stereotype: “Northerners are not as nice as Southerners”. I’ll tell you what the real deal is. Sure, Southerners are super-nice - sometimes. We went down to see the Grand Ol’ Opry one year, and it was bliss. So we thought - what a great place to live. We move in to \*\*Nashville \*\* - freakin _Nashville_!, and everyone hates us on sight because we are not white. The only person at my mom’s work place who liked her was the head nurse. I had two friends after six months, only one of whom was white. The other was half-black, so in the eyes of our schoolmates, all nigger. I’m sorry to use that word, but that’s what they called her. Oh, and me, too, that’s what they called me, too. In my experience, Southerners are only nice to you if you are \*also \* white. If you’re colored, they’re nice to you provided you’re not actually going to live there. I’m Indian, I’ve even looked Latino, and the treatment was horrible, simply horrible. Northerners may not be nice minute-to-minute but I prefer being able to live in a place where I don’t have to worry about blatant, strong, insulting racism. This post came out a lot harsher than I intended but I just get irritated with the Southern pride at being so wonderfully nice when it’s not always remotely true. People stand there and talk from their own experience but I find invariably the people who talk are \*also \* white. This is just my two cents, but this is the treatment I got from Southerners. One last thing - I don’t hold a grudge or anything! I realize Southerners are as different as anyone else. I just wish they’d realize that, too, that they and their friends may be nice but there’s whole neighborhoods and groups of people who are nasty as anything. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/23 "2005-12-28T15:36:29Z")
I will talk to anyone, at anytime and hold the door open for people after a quick check to make sure they are close enough behind (I won’t do it if you are on the otehr side of the parking lot). 🙂 I’m just that way. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/24 "2005-12-28T15:54:48Z")
Thanks, **Anaamika**. My MIL’s from Oklahoma, and forever going on and on about how everything (and I mean everything) is better in the South. Drives me freakin’ batty. Then she wonders why I get insulted. Um, I grew up in **Wisconsin**? And your boy married a Northern Yankee, bitch. Sorry. But **Anaamika** ’s right. Not everything’s wine and roses in the South. That’s not to say that we’re not racist bastards up here in the North - we are. We’re just far less likely to be racist to your face. This works better for some people, not so good for others. My mom had a black professor who didn’t like the North for this reason. She’d rather deal with the in-your-face racism than the sneaky, behind-your-back racism of the North. But I grew up in a small town and I now live in Minnesota, thus, I try to be nice and courteous to everybody. Hey, we perfected Minnesota nice, after all! ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/25 "2005-12-28T16:26:31Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I am so sick and tired of this ridiculous stereotype: “Northerners are not as nice as Southerners”. I’ll tell you what the real deal is. 1. No one in this thread made that assertion. 2. This has nothing to do with the OP. We’re talking about cultural differences and not making value judgments. Take that shit somewhere else. ---
**Author:** ![NotWithoutRage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NotWithoutRage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotWithoutRage)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/26 "2005-12-28T16:39:45Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > Without directly addressing the OP, I can say that few things piss me off worse than when I walk past someone, smile, nod, maybe say “hi”, or “how’re you?” and they just stare (sometimes _glare_) at me and keep walking or look away. The worst is when they stare at you for a couple seconds so you know they heard you and then they turn around and walk away. I’m guilty of this. I don’t talk to people I don’t know. Once in a blue moon, if a stranger walks by with a REALLY cute puppy, I’ll stop and talk to the puppy. But I won’t return anyone’s random greeting on the street, white, black, purple or yellow. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/27 "2005-12-28T17:14:23Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > 1. No one in this thread made that assertion. > 2. This has nothing to do with the OP. We’re talking about cultural differences and not making value judgments. Without picking on anyone in particular, because that really isn’t my intention: > [@](#): > > I also walk into a lot of doors because I forget that people up north aren’t going to hold the door for me. > [@](#): > > I agree that it may be a Southern culture thing. > [@](#): > > Bless your heart. > Women recoiled from me in fear at a grocery store in New Hampshire when I stepped back for them to enter first. Also, I like how you quoted the first line of my post and skipped this: > [@Anaamika](#): > > One last thing - I don’t hold a grudge or anything! I realize Southerners are as different as anyone else. I just wish they’d realize that, too, that they and their friends may be nice but there’s whole neighborhoods and groups of people who are nasty as anything. > [@](#): > > Take that shit somewhere else. No, I won’t. I am stating my opinion, and I am doing it nicely. It is not “shit” simply because you say so. This is IMHO and I repeatedly stated this is my opinion and my experience, and that I realize that not all Southerners behave this way. I mean, do you ever read what other people say or just fly off the handle, dude? ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/28 "2005-12-28T17:16:34Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > > [@Anaamika](#): > > > > I am so sick and tired of this ridiculous stereotype: “Northerners are not as nice as Southerners”. I’ll tell you what the real deal is. > > 1. No one in this thread made that assertion. > 2. This has nothing to do with the OP. We’re talking about cultural differences and not making value judgments. > > Take that shit somewhere else. [ol][li]Yes they have, explicitly in post #9 and implied in others.[/li][li]The discussion at hand is regarding the perception versus intention of rudeness; given that other posters have rendered the hypothesis that “black culture” stemming from the claimed overtly polite-to-strangers Southern culture, a counterexample is germane to the discussion, even if it is one that is a personal issue for the respondant.[/ol][/li]FWIW, I’ve travelled extensively through the South. Although attitudes differ in different places, there certainly is a pervasive undercurrent of prejudice; not just in regard to skin color or ethnicity (though that certainly permeates as well) but against people who do not exhibit the same cultural behaviors, i.e. making pointless small talk with random strangers, or refusing to put sugar in iced tea. To specifically address the question of the OP (without getting into the issue of whether “Southern culture” has anything to do with blacks) I grew up in an area that was highly socially segregated; whites did not talk to blacks and vice versa on fear of social ostricization (from either direction) and occasional physical violence. Educational segregation was so dramatic that the state court ordered a hundreds of millions of dollars desegragation program that ended up being a massive failure (as much due to mismanagement as cultural resistance). The first black friend I ever had I met while working at an amusement park sixty miles from home in a near-urban area, and it forced me to unlearn a bunch of behaviors that had been instilled even in my naturally-critical-of-racism brain. Although my social skills are sorely lacking, or at least, highly synthicized, I’ll generally respond to someone in the same way they address me, and that seems to be enough to placate most people, even if I’d generally rather be left alone. One other point of note; I am often unable to parse the dialect of urban blacks without furrowing my brow and running through the words a half a dozen times. (Note that this isn’t strictly limited to blacks; I have the same problem with Uupers of parchment white Scandinavian heritage as well.) So I’m often left in befuddlement when addressed, my point being is that there may be something of a communication issue as well as cultural differences. Fortunately, here in LA, You Do Not Talk To Anyone You Do Not Know, so nobody bugs you on the Metro Rail. It’s a massive culture shock just to go up the coast to San Francisco where everybody’s your brother. (Well, except for the streetcar drivers who appear to be the most angry people on the planet.) A couple of days ago as I was walking through Old Town Pasadena a woman started a conversation with me about our typical Christmas Eve SoCal 85 degree, cloudless blue sky weather (go ahead and cry, you New England Yankees); it turned out that she was down from Oakland and she expressed surprise not only in the weather but that I was the first person to respond to her with anything more than a grunt or a glare. I think the answer is that people get offended when not responded to in the manner in which they are accustomed. Carry on top of that the degree of prejudice that non-whites have to put up with even in “polite” society (and you can see from **Anaamkia** how that forms opinions and responses), and it’s not surprised that it is taken as a deliberate insult. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/29 "2005-12-28T17:19:33Z")
Both \*\*Snickers \*\* and \*\*Stranger \*\* have very valid points. All I’m saying is that there are rude people everywhere you go! And it is not valid that Southerners are nicer. As to the OP, \*\*Stranger \*\* pinned it down: > [@](#): > > I think the answer is that people get offended when not responded to in the manner in which they are accustomed. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/30 "2005-12-28T17:32:20Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > No, I won’t. I am stating my opinion, and I am doing it nicely. It is not “shit” simply because you say so. This is IMHO and I repeatedly stated this is my opinion and my experience, and that I realize that not all Southerners behave this way. What if it’s my opinion that it’s shit? Should I give my opinion about football here if I say it nicely? :rolleyes: Look, I’d prefer that an interesting discussion not be hijacked by the tiresome “Some Southerners seem nice but they are racist inside” discussion that has happened so many times before. That’s not what this is about. ---
**Author:** ![Stuffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Stuffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stuffy)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/31 "2005-12-28T17:32:55Z")
I’m defiantely leaning towards cultural. It simply wouldn’t occur to me (Black male) _not_ to acknowledge someone I passed in the street or grocery store. It may not be a conversation and may be simply a nod and a smile. I wouldn’t say I get angry when someone doesn’t speak to me, but it is off putting. This maybe because I’m used to being ackowledged in my neighborhood so when it doesn’t happen away it’s more notable. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/32 "2005-12-28T17:55:37Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > What if it’s my opinion that it’s shit? So, your opinion is that she really had more than two friends in Nashville? That no one actually called her “nigger?” > [@](#): > > Should I give my opinion about football here if I say it nicely? Look, I’d prefer that an interesting discussion not be hijacked by the tiresome “Some Southerners seem nice but they are racist inside” discussion that has happened so many times before. She didn’t say that. In fact, she specifically said exactly the opposite. > [@](#): > > That’s not what this is about. I’m not sure that it’s your call to say what this thread is really “about.” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/33 "2005-12-28T17:58:37Z")
> [@](#): > > He claims he can tell if a white person is racist Does he understand the irony of this statement? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/34 "2005-12-28T18:01:14Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > So, your opinion is that she really had more than two friends in Nashville? That no one actually called her “nigger?” I am not saying that she is lying. Where did you get that? > [@](#): > > I’m not sure that it’s your call to say what this thread is really “about.” But I can state my opinion, right? ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/35 "2005-12-28T18:22:47Z")
I’ll tell you what I’ve noticed but first let me say that I greet anyone and everyone I meet, no matter the race, creed, color, or national origin. And, I always return a greeting from anyone or everyone when I am offered one. My job takes me into nursing homes; a number of which are staffed almost entirely by Blacks and/or Latinos. While most of these people are very polite and pleasant, I sometimes am snubbed by a Black/and or Latino person IF the two of us are just passing in the hall. If I happen to arrive at a facility during a shift change so that a group of Blacks and/or Latinos pass by me outside the facility, I am nearly always snubbed when I say hello. A group snub, if you will. Just my experience, YMMV. I was taught from childhood to always be polite to everyone as a matter of good manners. It hurts me when my politeness is not returned. However, I take solace in the thought that I exhibited good manners while the snubbers did not. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/36 "2005-12-28T18:28:33Z")
Dern it, I meant to add that I am snubbed by other white folk much more often than by Blacks or Latinos. I don’t encounter many Asians, so I can offer nothing as to their snub factor. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/37 "2005-12-28T20:14:47Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > No, I won’t. I am stating my opinion, and I am doing it nicely. It is not “shit” simply because you say so. This is IMHO and I repeatedly stated this is my opinion and my experience, and that I realize that not all Southerners behave this way. Honest, they did back off. Juat once, so maybe I was grandstanding. Anyone who judges someone else by how they appear or speak is an asshole. I wish I could do more to make things better. That sounds pretty dumb. I’m sure folks smarter than I have tried. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/38 "2005-12-28T20:40:23Z")
I remember a conversation I had in college (Louisiana State University). A black acquaintance, Paul, was saying that another black student was nonplussed that Paul passed him by in the quad one time without talking. I said, “I pass by people hundreds of times every day without saying ‘Hi’. No big deal.” Paul answered that, in general, black people really can’t make a habit of walking past other black people without acknowledgement. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/39 "2005-12-28T20:42:42Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I am so sick and tired of this **ridiculous stereotype** : “Northerners are not as nice as Southerners”. > > … > > Sure, Southerners are super-nice - sometimes. … We move in to Nashville - freakin _Nashville_!, and **everyone** hates us on sight because we are not white. > > … > > In my experience, Southerners are **only** nice to you if you are \*also \* white. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/40 "2005-12-28T20:48:04Z")
I’m as Southern as they come, folks, but I have to side with **Anaamika** here. Racism still exists in the South…in some of it’s hyper-ugly stereotypically Southern forms. I had a college professor at the University of Alabama tell me that racism is no longer a problem in the South. My answer? “Less than 50 feet from here, some yahoo last week scratched ‘KKK-Fuck Niggers’ in the paint in the men’s room stall. You were saying?” That said, this white male Southerner despises racism in all its forms. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386.md?page=3)