# How come many black people get offended when people don't speak to them? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 28, 2005, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386 "2005-12-28T01:40:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/41 "2005-12-28T20:51:23Z")
> [@NotWithoutRage](#): > > I’m guilty of this. > > I don’t talk to people I don’t know. Once in a blue moon, if a stranger walks by with a REALLY cute puppy, I’ll stop and talk to the puppy. But I won’t return anyone’s random greeting on the street, white, black, purple or yellow. I’m guilty of it too, though generally I nod and smile at people if they greet me. I just don’t see the point in engaging in small talk with random strangers on the street. If I’m in a public area, and someone attempts to make small talk with me, I will generally acknowledge the statement, then go back to reading my book\*, unless the opening statement is interesting. If the opening statement is a comment on sports, I generally won’t even glance up from my book, let alone make a comment. Asking me about my book, or better yet, commenting on the book and/or author, and I’m likely to put the book down and engage in conversation, since it’s quite probable that we would both enjoy the chat. However, I don’t feel obligated to provide random strangers with entertainment simply because they neglected to bring along their own book or handcraft. I’m sure that some blacks or latinos have felt that I was being racist. Not true, I’ll do the same to white people. I don’t think that an Asian has EVER started a conversation with me right out of the blue, unless I was in a class or workplace with that person. \*I always carry at least two paperback books with me at all times. On occasion I might have as many as half a dozen in my purse. ---
**Author:** ![UntouchedTakeaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d78d45/32.png) [@UntouchedTakeaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UntouchedTakeaway)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/42 "2005-12-28T21:11:58Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Both \*\*Snickers \*\* and \*\*Stranger \*\* have very valid points. All I’m saying is that there are rude people everywhere you go! And it is not valid that Southerners are nicer. > > As to the OP, \*\*Stranger \*\* pinned it down: I tend to agree. I grew up in the South (northern Florida - child of two Tarheels). I moved to New Jersey in 1995, much to the horror of my father & anyone else who knew me. I figured everyone up here had three heads and a tail and that was just how it was going to be. I wasn’t here 1 day when my dog ran off. I was _certain_ I would never see her again. I made “Have you seen me?” posters & timidly approached a local store, figuring I’d get the “Hey! Getouttaherewhatareyounutz?” response I had been told was common in the greater tri-state area. Can I tell you to a _person_ everyone was kind and sympathetic and helpful. Happy ending - my dog was found & returned by someone who refused a reward. I’ve been here 10 years and I feel that people in the NE are just as friendly as anyone else. Maybe we’re a bit more jaded & a bit more harried, but people is people. VCNJ~ ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/43 "2005-12-29T01:19:23Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > A couple of days ago as I was walking through Old Town Pasadena a woman started a conversation with me about our typical Christmas Eve SoCal 85 degree, cloudless blue sky weather (go ahead and cry, you New England Yankees) If I’m crying, it’s out of pity for you Southern Californians. To me, not having a white winter is like a child growing up without a pet. Closer to a tragedy than to bragging rights. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/44 "2005-12-29T01:38:21Z")
You may want to ask your question at [The Y? Forum](http://www.yforum.com/index.html). It’s a site where you can ask questions like this one. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/45 "2005-12-29T02:27:10Z")
I’m white. I lived in Germany for a few years. We were warned that when you passed people out on a walk, that you greeted them with a nice “Guten Tag!” or other appropriate greeting. Momentary eye contact was also called for. This became a habit of mine. When I moved to Dover, DE the white people I greeted with a “Hello” or such acted like I was deranged and maybe dangerous and avoided eye contact. The black people I greeted returned the greeting and usually smiled, and met my eye contact. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/46 "2005-12-29T02:37:03Z")
And as for Southerners being nice only if you are white: In Maryland, a Southern state by definition, store clerks on the Eastern shore refused to acknowledge my existence and strangers glared at me. Even after my husband -whom they treated nicely because he was a local- told them I was with him, they glared at me. My relatives in Arkansas still tell in tones of absolute amazement of the black man whose truck broke down near there. One of our menfolk drove by and offered to send help and the black man just jumped into the truck an rode with him to the mechanic. Nice fellow, he was and talked all the way there and back. From the tale I gather that my family did treat this fellow politely, were not friendly though, found him very friendly, and are thoroughly racist without ever meaning to be unkind. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/47 "2005-12-29T03:14:38Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > Paul answered that, in general, black people really can’t make a habit of walking past other black people without acknowledgement. Do you mean “can’t make a habit” or “don’t make a habit?” Because if you mean “can’t,” I’d be curious as to the reason why. Anyway, in my experience working in retail stores, black people do consistently acknowledge each other. For example, if a black customer walks in, and I wait on them, and we happen to pass by my black coworker, the customer and the coworker will exchange greetings. A white customer usually won’t acknowledge other salespeople. And if two black customers happen to find themselves in the same area of the store, they will acknowledge each other. White customers generally won’t. I do notice that black people seem more likely than whites to greet me if I pass by them on the street, but that’s not the same as the black/black acknowledgement thing that I discussed above. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/48 "2005-12-29T04:11:36Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Would you elaborate on that? > People tend to speak to each other on the street in the South. > “Hey. How’s it going?” New York reply: “What the fucks your problem?” ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/49 "2005-12-29T04:21:59Z")
> [@Ellis Dee](#): > > If I’m crying, it’s out of pity for you Southern Californians. > > To me, not having a white winter is like a child growing up without a pet. Closer to a tragedy than to bragging rights. Heh. Having grown up in the Midwest I have to agree that it’s a tragedy for a child never to have a White Christmas. As an adult, however, and one who’s shovelled way too much snow, I’ll say that I can take a pass on snow on my doorstep. When I need snow, I’ll drive up to Mt. Wilson or over to Mammoth. I do miss the cross-country skiing in Wisconsin, though. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/50 "2005-12-29T07:35:13Z")
> [@Snickers](#): > > My MIL’s from Oklahoma, and forever going on and on about how everything (and I mean everything) is better in the South. Next time ask your MIL : since WHEN was Oklahoma in the South? 😛 **Aaanamika** I think that what **Haj** meant was, that this was a thread about how black folks meet other folks, and regardless of your thoughts on this other hijack, that’s not what this thread was about. 🙂 OTOH I must admit that I was initally taken aback by the harshness of your words. However, I have a high regard for you, and I took the time to sit and think about how you must feel. I grew up in a small southern uni town, and I remember how some racists called everone of color a “n …” and I also remember how much I hated it. ☹ In closing, I think you have good reason for your strong position but I would gently suggest that is a topic for a different thread. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/51 "2005-12-29T14:53:09Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > Next time ask your MIL : since WHEN was Oklahoma in the South? 😛 It’s a point of view thing. Some Oklahomans consider it a Southern state, some consider it Midwest. Officially, or at least in TV spots and at public events, Oklahoma is supposed to be “The Heart of the Heartland.” Culturally, many Oklahoman self identify with North Texas (Dallas). They follow Dallas teams in pro sports, consider a weekend in Dallas to be a lovely weekend getaway. I’m from Texas. “Born Southern, Texan by the grace of God.” I’ve lived (for extended periods) in Southern California, in Colorado, in Wisconson, Georgia, Iowa, Alabama, and other places for months or weeks for work. To me, Oklahoma is weather related to some of the South, but is definitely a Midwestern state. My darling cousin, born and raised in Oklahoma, thinks of herself and her family as Southern, but she doesn’t make a big deal about it. It’s just her mindset. And quite frankly, she would most definitely fit in with all but the most Southern of Southern women. Both in the good ways and the bad ways. So, to make a huge post to answer a seemingly easy question, it kind of depends on how a person feels as to how they self identify. For instance, Florida can be about as Southern as one could possibly imagine, but go to a big city and see if the average inhabitant feels Southern. Same way with Houston or Atlanta. So, if your MIL feels Southern, well, to her she is. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/52 "2005-12-29T14:55:49Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > Next time ask your MIL : since WHEN was Oklahoma in the South? 😛 Holy hell - **you** g’head and ask her. I’m \*not \*going there. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/53 "2005-12-29T15:32:08Z")
Someone up thread asked if we were seeing a big city/small town difference – and I think that might be a lot of it. I live in a really sparsely settled suburb, you could almost call it rural. I frequently wall from home to a small ‘general’ store nearby to pickup whatever. During the trip I might pass two or three people, no more, and I greet and have a mini-conversation with each. And, yes, I mostly know these people, on the ‘see them around, don’t know their names’ level. In contrast, I work in the city. At lunchtime I often walk a few blocks to a sandwich shop. I pass dozens, possibly hundreds of people during each trip. I ignore them all. Really, what else can you do? A fifteen second exchange with each passer-by would use up my entire lunch break before I could read the store. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/54 "2005-12-29T15:35:31Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > I live in a really sparsely settled suburb, you could almost call it rural. ( Whoops, should have made it cleare: I am a white female, living in a mostly white suburb (with a growing Asian population, though.) The city I work in is mostly white, too, though with the ‘largest’ minority being latino. As far as I’ve noticed, that pattern of speaking in towns, not speaking in cities, applies regardless of the races of the people encountering each other. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/55 "2005-12-29T21:33:35Z")
lee writes: \> And as for Southerners being nice only if you are white: In Maryland, a \> Southern state by definition, store clerks on the Eastern shore refused \> to acknowledge my existence and strangers glared at me. Even after my \> husband -whom they treated nicely because he was a local- told them I \> was with him, they glared at me. Maryland is not a Southern state, or at least most of it isn’t. Most of it is part of the industrial Northeast (and in general one of the more well-off parts of the Northeast). I grew up on a farm in northwest Ohio, and the only significant differences between where I grew up and where I live now (in Prince George’s County) is that people where I live now act a little more like the stereotypical people of the urban Northeast, less likely to greet you on the street and such, and that the population is more racially mixed. The Eastern Shore and southern Maryland are, I admit, closer to being parts of the South. They aren’t Deep South, to be sure, but you will find certain elements of Southern American culture among the people there. But that’s not typical Maryland, though. 5/6 of Maryland is in the Baltimore-Washington metropolitan area, and it’s part of the Northeast. Granted, people in the B-W metro area aren’t quite Manhattanites, but they’re closer in attitude to that than to the Deep South. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/56 "2005-12-29T21:44:59Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > **Aaanamika** I think that what **Haj** meant was, that this was a thread about how black folks meet other folks, and regardless of your thoughts on this other hijack, that’s not what this thread was about. 🙂 Exactly correct. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/57 "2005-12-29T22:20:52Z")
I’m a white southerner from a small town, and now I live in the DC area. I’m used to greeting people I pass or making small talk with random strangers. I’m usually the one who initiates it, but when I pass black folks, it’s about 50-50 (meaning they beat me to it about half the time). It’s kind of weird here; I find that most of the Southern cultural elements are retained in the black population here, so here I am, this cracker from Arkansas having more in common with the black folks than the white folks, in some respects. It’s especially apparent when I get in a conversation with coworkers or friends about food. I find that my black friends/coworkers and I tend to like the same foods, much more so than my white friends/coworkers. It makes southern racism seem quite ironic, really. And **Anaamika** , I am truly sorry for your experiences in the south. I feel really ashamed to be southern when I hear about things like that. OT P.S. : Some of the nicest people I’ve met have been from places like New York City, Philadelphia, and New Jersey. Not that I think those places are particularly nice, but that nice people come from everywhere. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2005, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/58 "2005-12-30T00:17:49Z")
> [@Wendell Wagner](#): > > Maryland is not a Southern state, or at least most of it isn’t. Did slavery continue to be legal in Maryland during the Civil War as it was in Delaware? ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2005, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/59 "2005-12-30T04:47:55Z")
Two reasons. 1. It’s a class thing. Sometimes the third generation college educated career black executive feels absolutely no solidarity with that newly hired black janitor. Now, since they’re only about two generations removed from a time when both of them might have been pushing a broom for that company regardless of their education, some people might think it odd they don’t find some common ground to work with. In a situation like this, the executive may feel compelled to ignore the janitor to advance his/her career, either because the janitor is trifling (good move) or just doesn’t want to be too closely associated with the only other black person tere who happend to be a janitor, period (potentially bad move, especially if the janitor is a hard worker, has more seniority and the work environment is racially hostile.) Conversely, snubbing an office worker because of their shitty unethical behavior is a good move; but doing it because they’re too “saditty” and you’re jealous of their success is just sad. 2. It’s a deliberate snub. There’s a lot of hidden rules in any particular ethnic group. One of them in African-American culture is to at least acknowledge your peeps, especially if y’all a minority somewhere, uh, conspicuously white. Two black people might not have shit in common but the skin on their bones but the bond is supposed to be there. Even if it’s just a walk by-look-'em-in-the-eye-head nod: “What up, B?” But suppose that other black person done pissed you off. What then? The surest, cruelest, and sometimes most unforgiveable thing to do is to completely take away even the non-verbal support. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2005, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386/60 "2005-12-30T08:29:07Z")
> [@NotWithoutRage](#): > > But I won’t return anyone’s random greeting on the street, white, black, purple or yellow. Huh. Although I don’t make a habit of greeting random strangers, if someone says “hello” to me on the street, I reflexively answer “hello” back. > [@](#): > > I’m defiantely leaning towards cultural. It simply wouldn’t occur to me (Black male) not to acknowledge someone I passed in the street or grocery store. I’d like some further details about this. I pass by so many people (hundreds and hundreds) in a day going about my business on the street, in stores, in the metro, etc., that if I greeted them all, I’d be doing nothing else with my day. Do you seriously mean to say you greet every person you pass? Or do you live in a small community, where you pass few enough people that this is practical? The only situation I can think of where I would greet strangers, unless it’s when I’m running for office, is in my (small, four-storey) apartment building. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-come-many-black-people-get-offended-when-people-dont-speak-to-them/337386.md?page=4)