# How common are not overtly hostile slaps, shoves and hits among adults? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2013, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-are-not-overtly-hostile-slaps-shoves-and-hits-among-adults/647154 "2013-01-14T10:53:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2013, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-are-not-overtly-hostile-slaps-shoves-and-hits-among-adults/647154/21 "2013-01-19T21:01:48Z")
> [@jnglmassiv](#): > > An old timer who is now retired would make a habit of stomping your feet when you showed up with new shoes. Yeah, that’s a firin’. ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2013, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-are-not-overtly-hostile-slaps-shoves-and-hits-among-adults/647154/22 "2013-01-19T21:52:59Z")
Not common at all in my experience. I would astonished if someone did any of these things to me. No one tries, though – I think I’ve got a trifecta going: 1. I’m a woman, and I’m guessing this is somewhat less common among women 2. I work in a field where this would be completely unacceptable (education) - as an industry, we’re maybe ahead of the curve about keeping really clear boundaries about inappropriate touching (to the point of goofiness, sometimes) 3. I must be off-putting, because really, I can’t imagine anyone I know thinking a playful slap, shove, or whatever is going to go over well. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2013, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-are-not-overtly-hostile-slaps-shoves-and-hits-among-adults/647154/23 "2013-01-20T09:25:45Z")
It’s quite common for Thai friends to slap each other in varying degrees of intensity, usually between two people of the same gender but sometimes a girlfriend or wife will do it to her man. They’re just being playful, but I find it annoying in the extreme. At least they confine it to themselves and don’t include foreigners. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2013, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-are-not-overtly-hostile-slaps-shoves-and-hits-among-adults/647154/24 "2013-01-20T13:39:47Z")
I’ll sometimes lay my palm on a friend’s shoulder or back, very gently, and then apply a small amount of pressure as a kind of simulated shove. Sometimes I’ll do the same thing with a closed fist (often with a dramatic slow motion punching sound effect). I’m much larger than most of my friends and have learned to be gentle, even in play. I also have to be careful with high fives. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2013, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-are-not-overtly-hostile-slaps-shoves-and-hits-among-adults/647154/25 "2013-01-20T13:55:20Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > It’s quite common for Thai friends to slap each other in varying degrees of intensity, usually between two people of the same gender but sometimes a girlfriend or wife will do it to her man. They’re just being playful, but I find it annoying in the extreme. At least they confine it to themselves and don’t include foreigners. Slap each other how, on the face? There seems to be an idea among some that it is the intentions/emotions behind the behavior that counts rather than the behavior. So if their way of being friendly is to put someone in a headlock, they do not evaluate having put someone in a headlock but rather having been friendly. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2013, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-are-not-overtly-hostile-slaps-shoves-and-hits-among-adults/647154/26 "2013-01-20T14:33:00Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Slap each other how, on the face? > > There seems to be an idea among some that it is the intentions/emotions behind the behavior that counts rather than the behavior. So if their way of being friendly is to put someone in a headlock, they do not evaluate having put someone in a headlock but rather having been friendly. From what I’ve seen, it’s mostly shoulder slaps or, among _very_ good friends, the top of the head. I just don’t care fot that sort of thing myself. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2013, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-are-not-overtly-hostile-slaps-shoves-and-hits-among-adults/647154/27 "2013-01-20T22:30:24Z")
I just have a hard time thinking of the joking reactions as slaps, punches, shoves, etc. They’re all fake versions of those. Though I have known a few guys who like to punch each other repeatedly until one tells the other it hurts too much and must stop. That’s a real punch. And, yes, they’re under 30. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-are-not-overtly-hostile-slaps-shoves-and-hits-among-adults/647154.md?page=1)