# How common is it for Americans not to have sex before marriage? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 24, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385 "2013-07-24T15:55:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/41 "2013-07-25T21:53:02Z")
Christian here, had sex before I got married, have had sex since my divorce too. Who do my fellow Christians think MADE our naughty bits (and how fun they are by design) huh? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/42 "2013-07-25T22:34:23Z")
I will never, ever talk about this with my Mom. But she was 19 when she married my Dad, so it wouldn’t be entirely ridiculous to believe that she was a virgin when she got married. But it was extremely, extremely common for people who were engaged to be married to jump the gun before the official ceremony and signing of the papers. This was why “breaking an engagement” was so scandalous, because the couple was practically married already, and the ceremony was just to make it official. Heck, according to the Bible, just having sex with a woman makes her your wife. And thing is, even in hyper-religious communities, what people say in public and what they do in private are two different things. Especially if a couple is going to be married soon anyway. In the days before reliable birth control, “everything but” made a certain amount of sex, because if you had vaginal intercourse pretty soon you’re going to end up pregnant, and if the father won’t marry you then what? Don’t make a baby with someone you’re not married to is a pretty good rule. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/43 "2013-07-26T13:39:18Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Christian here, had sex before I got married, have had sex since my divorce too. Who do my fellow Christians think MADE our naughty bits (and how fun they are by design) huh? 😃 To test your ability to overcome Satan’s fleshy desires, YOU FILTHY WHORE! Sorry, got a bit carried away there. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/44 "2013-07-26T15:10:41Z")
When I was being raised in the 1960sit was pretty much the expected socital norm that people didn’t have sex before marriage. I’m not saying they didn’t – I’m just saying that’s what was stated as the expected thing for respectable young people. It wasn’t just religiously-based (although it was a given of my Catholic upbringing). It’s weird today to readplays like Neil Simon’s _Come Blow Your Horn_, which concerns two brothers, one uptight and the other a sort of swinger, and having him get upset because the swinger’s (now drunk) fiancee suggests sex. Back then it was a major plot point. Now it wouldn’t even be an issue. I know of three couples who got married of my bunch, and who I’m pretty certain were all virgins at the time. Two of the couples are still married. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/45 "2013-07-26T15:29:11Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I think it’s only the super crazy religious types (Mormons forced to live in that giant cave for two years, or whatever) that abstain until marriage. Not necessarily. I have some Catholic friends who waited until marriage. (Last one would have been in 2007.) Now, it wasn’t typical at all, but it does happen. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/46 "2013-07-26T15:33:58Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Not necessarily. I have some Catholic friends who waited until marriage. (Last one would have been in 2007.) Now, it wasn’t typical at all, but it does happen. Of my friends, one couple was Mormon, one couple Catholic, and one couple Methodist. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/47 "2013-07-26T16:01:20Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Um, yeah, it actually is. Your mom was a virgin at the time of the marriage, you’re father was not. Virgin = one who has never had sex. Your definition of what constitutes sex may differ from mine, but “virgin” means never did whatever you feel constitutes sex. Oh, my definition of virgin is the same as yours; I am a bit unsure what is meant by “sex before marriage”. My parents had no sex before they were married (or so they claimed) but my father had had sex before he met my mother. ---
**Author:** ![Rhodes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhodes/32/273_2.png) [@Rhodes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhodes)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/48 "2013-07-26T16:28:49Z")
As far as I know, all of my Mormon friends waited until marriage to have sex. IMHO, this encourages people (myself included) to rush into marriage. I’d be curious to see some stats on the long-term success of “We’re getting married right away because our religion won’t let us have sex until then,” vs “We’re getting married right away because she’s pregnant.” Okay, I just looked over **Sam** ’s and **Thudlow** ’s links before hitting Submit, and found [this study](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21171775)(at BYU) that shows just the opposite of what I’d thought. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/49 "2013-07-26T16:48:01Z")
> [@Rhodes](#): > > As far as I know, all of my Mormon friends waited until marriage to have sex. IMHO, this encourages people (myself included) to rush into marriage. I’d be curious to see some stats on the long-term success of “We’re getting married right away because our religion won’t let us have sex until then,” vs “We’re getting married right away because she’s pregnant.” > > Okay, I just looked over **Sam** ’s and **Thudlow** ’s links before hitting Submit, and found [this study](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21171775)(at BYU) that shows just the opposite of what I’d thought. My brother and his wife “dated” for 6-7 years befor marriage. Both were virgins until after the wedding. I would include “didn’t rush into marriage, but waits to have sex anyway” in your comparison. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/50 "2013-07-26T21:35:52Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > To test your ability to overcome Satan’s fleshy desires, YOU FILTHY WHORE! > > Sorry, got a bit carried away there. 😃 I know, I know…I’m a sinner. Does it count that I haven’t dated for ummmm a while? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/51 "2013-07-26T21:37:39Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > To test your ability to overcome Satan’s fleshy desires, YOU FILTHY WHORE! > > Sorry, got a bit carried away there. 😃 :D:D ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2013, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385/52 "2013-07-26T21:40:22Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > I know, I know…I’m a sinner. > > Does it count that I haven’t dated for ummmm a while? 😃 I haven’t “dated” but I’ve had lots of sex… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-americans-not-to-have-sex-before-marriage/664385.md?page=2)