# How common is it for two friends (male-female) to go out to dinner? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 6, 2010, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102 "2010-12-06T02:07:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![boytyperanma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/21 "2010-12-06T12:10:01Z")
I go out to dinner with my female friend all the time. She is an ex from long ago when I was pretending to be straight. I have a few male friends gay and straight I’ll do dinner with on occasion. Meeting for lunch with friends and business contacts is a common occurrence. Dinning out with multiple people I find is rarer for me. It is almost always just me and one other person. I’ve never found it uncomfortable to be on a non-date dinner/lunch date. It might be uncomfortable if both parties don’t have the same understanding. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/22 "2010-12-06T12:33:53Z")
I grab lunch with female friends on occasion; I think dinner would feel a bit too intimate to be comfortable, although I do grab dinner with one female friend once a month (my wife is utterly fine with it, and there’s absolutely nothing dodgy going on there). I have dinner with male friends all the time. Hey, we like eating! ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/23 "2010-12-06T13:27:05Z")
My closest friend here is female, and we go out do dinner and the occasional movie all the time. Well, lately it’s been more that she comes over to my place and we order out and watch TV/DVDs. Neither of us is in a “relationship” at the moment, and we enjoy each other’s company, not to mention having similar tastes in many things, so why shouldn’t we do things together? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/24 "2010-12-06T13:29:22Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > dinner would feel a bit too intimate > … > I have dinner with male friends all the time. So you prefer the intimate company of men? ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/25 "2010-12-06T13:43:48Z")
I have a friend I go out to eat with all the time, and there’s nothing wrong with it at all. She’s married, and her husband knows all about it and is fine with it. It means he doesn’t have to listen to her bitching about “I never get out of the house” 😃 It’s usually lunch and during the day since I work nights and she’s a housewife. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/26 "2010-12-06T14:20:24Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > I grab lunch with female friends on occasion; I think dinner would feel a bit too intimate to be comfortable, I’m not sure what the difference is, other than availability of lunch specials. Food is food. I have a female friend that I have dinner with on a pretty regular basis. We’ll only get lunch if it’s a weekend. That is, we used to. I haven’t heard from her in a while. Maybe her boyfriend objects. Whatever the reason, I miss my friend. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/27 "2010-12-06T14:45:46Z")
I do it all the time. Just did it on Friday on the way to a movie. In fact, I went on a European vacation with a platonic female friend. Yeah, try convincing the other people on our tour that we aren’t together. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/28 "2010-12-06T15:11:09Z")
(I’m 30, female, fwiw) Generally speaking, lunch is what you have one-on-one with friends and dinner is what you have one-on-one with dates… with people you want to lavish special social attention on. If either party is seeing someone seriously, that someone needs to be included in dinner plans. If both parties are single, then they can do whatever and I don’t think it has the same “date” connotation unless they both think it does. When I was single I was happy to share a meal with someone at any time, just for company. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/29 "2010-12-06T15:27:55Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > So you prefer the intimate company of men? Dinner with a woman would feel intimate. A curry and a beer with a male friend doesn’t. > [@](#): > > I’m not sure what the difference is, other than availability of lunch specials. Food is food. They just feel different to me. Clearly they don’t to you; that’s OK. 🙂 There are exceptions - like I said, I have one female friend I’ve been having dinner with once a month for years. That doesn’t feel weird because we’re so used to it. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/30 "2010-12-06T15:32:20Z")
Now we’re not even supposed to have dinner with the opposite sex? Come on. We’ve come a long way from those days. Although I haven’t. In the culture I grew up in, it was highly frowned upon at all times. There is even a saying, “Guys and girls can’t be friends”, which means a romantic relationship must always form. Yeah, if you limit their interactions so totally that the first person of the opposite sex they see is exotic and mysterious, yes. If you are capable of having healthy relationships as adults, i see no problem with it. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/31 "2010-12-06T15:33:55Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Now we’re not even supposed to have dinner with the opposite sex? Who says you’re not? Some of us feel a little uncomfortable doing it. We’re not forbidding you from doing it. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/32 "2010-12-06T15:53:52Z")
I’m 53 and I have 2 close male friends and I go out to eat with them pretty regularly. I don’t care what others think - I love my friends and one on one time is good for us. One of the guys is married and the other is in a long term committed relationship. I go to lunch with different male coworkers at different times and it’s no big deal. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/33 "2010-12-06T15:57:04Z")
> [@Candyman74](#): > > They just feel different to me. Clearly they don’t to you; that’s OK. 🙂 Yeah, I just don’t make that distinction. With this particular friend, we started out dating, and our first date was mid-afternoon coffee. Now that we’re just friends, we’ve graduated to dinner and a movie. It may sound a little backwards, but it feels perfectly normal. ---
**Author:** ![manila](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@manila](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manila)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/34 "2010-12-06T15:59:51Z")
I hate eating alone out. In fact I really won’t do it. My guy friends are steak n chips guys or nachos or other such stuff I have nothing against that…whatever floats your mango ice cream boat! My female friends are more into vegetarian, asian and japanese food and I really want to expand my knowledge of japanese food ( beyond the usual sushi sashumi and terryaki) so hell yes I meet girl mates for lunch every time!! Christ I would starve if I didn’t! ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/35 "2010-12-06T16:05:37Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Orange Wednesdays? 😃 The only time a 3D movie is reasonably priced 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/36 "2010-12-06T16:28:20Z")
> [@Diamonds02](#): > > How common is this? And should this make me feel uncomfortable? It’s pretty common, but not universal. Those of us who eat dinner out with opposite gender friends are aware that this is uncomfortable for some people, or “not done” in certain groups. > [@](#): > > He has offered to eat dinner with me on occasion. I have always declined. I can tell that he feels rejected, but I feel this puts me in an awkward situation. I’m friends with 3 of his exes. Two of those exes are still close friends with him. And one of exes I’m pretty close friends with. I don’t want to cause any tension. > > Am I overreacting? How should I handle this? Tell him you’re a little uncomfortable with the situation, and that, given you still associate with some of his ex’s, you want to err on the side of caution in regards to not creating tension or misunderstandings. Assuming he’s a decent guy (and most are) he’ll understand that. Would you be more comfortable with an informal lunch with him? Going out for just a cup of coffee? Would that allow for the social interaction without seeming so formal. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/37 "2010-12-06T16:46:14Z")
I go out with one of my best friends pretty frequently - he’s male, and I’m not. My husband accompanies us when he can, but not always. Maybe it makes a difference that my friend is gay, but probably not - my husband and I have built up a really strong sense of trust. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/38 "2010-12-06T17:02:15Z")
I have always had guy friends. We go out to dinner or lunch or just drinks from time to time. Most of them have known me for a while and while my husband has generally met them, he doesn’t usually join us. FTR, he has a close female friend and they go out from time to time. ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/39 "2010-12-06T17:50:57Z")
(45, male) I go out for dinner one-on-one with all of my single friends. It just so happens that most of my single friends are female right now. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102/40 "2010-12-06T17:51:46Z")
And whenever I have dinner with a female friend when I’m in a foreign country I always finish the meal with “Ze food was vehr good. Now for ze blowjobbings. What? You do not do zis in your culture?!” Works every time\*. \*Disclaimer, I doubt it does work, nor have I tried it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-it-for-two-friends-male-female-to-go-out-to-dinner/563102.md?page=3)