# How common is suicide by broken heart? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 24, 2016, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786 "2016-08-24T02:47:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786/21 "2016-08-26T10:13:24Z")
[Quote=William Shakespeare] “Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for love.” [/Quote] _As You Like It_, Act 4, Scene 1 I’m with Bill on this one. It may appear to be from a broken heart, but there’s always a deeper root cause. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786/22 "2016-08-26T14:27:21Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > In my case, I have never made such a statement, but I am periodically suicidal. > > Knowing when is the appropriate time for emergency intervention depends on understanding the nuances of suicidal ideation and how those risk levels vary. Helping someone who you’re in an ongoing relationship with who has confided suicidal ideation to you is a completely different thing than dealing with a person trying to force you into a relationship or action by threatening to kill themselves. Your situation explicitly isn’t the one I’m talking about here, and expecting people to understand a complex medical situation and make a diagnosis in the situation I’m talking about is both unrealistic and unfair. I don’t think there are any nuances to the situation I’m discussing - if someone says ‘I will kill myself if you do X’, then I will always act as if they believe what they say, call 911 for intervention, and let the professionals handle it. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786/23 "2016-08-26T17:15:14Z")
> [@Pantastic](#): > > Helping someone who you’re in an ongoing relationship with who has confided suicidal ideation to you is a completely different thing than dealing with a person trying to force you into a relationship or action by threatening to kill themselves. Agreed, there is a great distinction between those two behaviors. I’ve never had any experience with someone in the latter case, though I think there have been grey areas – at times, whether the suicidal person intends it or not, loved ones can develop an attitude of, ‘‘Oh, I shouldn’t say/do X thing because then she might kill herself.’’ I lived under _that_ mentality for a long time to try to protect my mother, and I eventually had to just accept that I wasn’t responsible for other people’s behavior or happiness. If someone made repeated attempts to control my behavior with threats of suicide, you’re damned right I’d call 911 on their ass. I interpreted your statement as meaning any talk of suicide whatsoever for any reason got the 911 call, but after talking with a friend, I realized you probably understand that distinction as well as I do. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786/24 "2016-08-26T17:55:41Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > If someone made repeated attempts to control my behavior with threats of suicide, you’re damned right I’d call 911 on their ass. > > I interpreted your statement as meaning any talk of suicide whatsoever for any reason got the 911 call, but after talking with a friend, I realized you probably understand that distinction as well as I do. Right, I’m saying ‘call 911’ as the solution for the specific and emotionally difficult situation where someone makes a threat of “I will kill myself if you do X” as a control attempt, not as something to do in any case of depression or suicidal thoughts. If a friend comes to you with a problem, you don’t need to jump to ‘call 911’ right off the bat. ---
**Author:** ![eightysix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@eightysix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eightysix)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786/25 "2016-08-27T04:49:15Z")
In my job I see a lot of suicides, and if you are talking about people killing themselves in the aftermath of a breakup, I can say it happens, at least insofar as the after the fact evidence indicates. Mostly these cases are young people, teens-early 20s. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786/26 "2016-08-27T11:23:43Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > I guess it depends on the person in question. In my view, predicating your behavior on someone else’s is unacceptable, that is, it’s wrong to say, ‘‘If you do Y, I will kill myself.’’ > > In my case, I have never made such a statement, but I am periodically suicidal. The last time was in April of this year. The earliest age I can remember serious suicidal ideation is age 14. I had talked to no one about it. I had the pills lined up on the counter ready to go, and then through some weird stroke of luck, my Aunt called. I didn’t tell her what i was up to, but just talking to her made me feel better. IME people who are suicidal are generally desperate for any reason not to kill themselves. Give them any viable alternative and it can ease the pain. It’s a temporary state highly dependent on external triggers and social support can mean everything in the world. > > There are only a handful of people I feel comfortable talking about my suicidality with… comfortable’s not even the right word. _Willing_ is a better word. I feel terrible about burdening people in those moments, and they usually find out in the aftermath rather than in those moments, 'i.e. ‘‘I felt suicidal earlier today’’ or ‘‘I’ve been feeling suicidal this week.’’ I’ve always been proactive about addressing those thoughts both with my husband and my therapist. Sometimes it was necessary to develop a safety plan and other times it just helped to get it off my chest. [bold]There are various levels of suicidality, ranging from, ‘‘I wouldn’t mind if I got hit by a bus right now’’ (generally not considered high-risk) to ‘‘I have a specific plan for killing myself and have been planning it out for weeks.’’ (extremely high risk.)[/bold] For the loved ones of a depressed person to understand these nuances, and understand when emergency intervention is appropriate, is critical. > > The one time I was ever hospitalized for suicidal ideation, I had planned to hang myself in my dorm room with my bedsheet. I came so close to doing that, it freaked me the fuck out and I went rather hysterically to a walk-in therapist at my counseling center, who then made the judgment to call the police (not 911) and have them escort me to the hospital. I’m pretty sure the clincher for her was, when I told her I wanted to hang myself, she described how painful the process of hanging oneself can be, and I said, ‘‘That’s nothing compared to the pain I am in now.’’ I never want to be hospitalized again, and have gone to great lengths to avoid it ever since. > > Knowing when is the appropriate time for emergency intervention depends on understanding the nuances of suicidal ideation and how those risk levels vary. There are [plenty of resources](http://crisisclinic.org/find-help/suicide-support/warning-signs-for-suicide/)out there for loved ones who want to help a person at risk of suicide. Usually appropriate intervention in the earlier stages can altogether prevent getting to that point of crisis and emergency. [Bolding mine.] Just wanted to say how much I appreciate you explaining this. I’ve only ever had two people in my life who have understood it and I’ve been able to talk to about it, but it seems self-evident to me and I’ve always been confused when mental health professionals don’t seem to get it. I’m just glad they’re are others out there who do too. As usual, **SW** , you never fail to disappoint. And I really am grateful that you talk openly about your struggles, help to de-stigmatize mental illness and dispel myths regarding it. Thank you. \<3 Also, it will be really nice now to have handy a site that counteracts the old canard about how only those that are ‘serious’ and follow through on killing themselves, don’t discuss it. Such bollocks. / hijack On the topic of the thread though, I agree with the general assessment that in cases like these, there are indeed some other underlying problems. I bet it’s pretty rare that anyone truly dies of a “broken heart” and even for some that do, it’s not not intentional, like the aforementioned revenge plan that accidentally went too far. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786/27 "2016-08-27T12:01:57Z")
I know a woman who killed herself after her girlfriend left her. I didn’t know her well enough to know whether she was being treated for depression, or had other co-morbid factors. I know someone with an anxiety disorder who is medicated for it, who said that before she was medicated, really wanted to kill herself, but was terrified of botching it, and ending up seriously disabled, but alive, instead. She said it preoccupied her thoughts most of the time, and she went back and forth from planning her suicide, to being frozen with fear thinking about her life as a quadriplegic, or in a permanent vegetative state, or something. She was on disability for a while, but managed to get off, after going to school through VR and getting an AA in computer repair, after getting the right meds. I don’t know how much she talked about it when she was obsessing over it (I met her through mutual interest in computers), but if she really had little else on her mind, she must have talked about it. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786/28 "2016-08-27T14:14:09Z")
Thanks, **faithfool.** And just as much I have gained insights from your posts dealing honestly with your grief. > [@RivkahChaya](#): > > I know someone with an anxiety disorder who is medicated for it, who said that before she was medicated, really wanted to kill herself, but was terrified of botching it, and ending up seriously disabled, but alive, instead. She said it preoccupied her thoughts most of the time, and she went back and forth from planning her suicide, to being frozen with fear thinking about her life as a quadriplegic, or in a permanent vegetative state, or something. I don’t know the lady, but this sounds like it could be OCD. People with OCD can get some weird obsessions, for example, it’s not uncommon for anxious people who live in conservative religious communities to obsess about being gay. They’re not actually gay, they are just worried they could be, because it’s such a terrible, fearful thing within that community. The same thing sometimes happen with new mothers being terrified they will do something to harm their children - no actual risk of harming their children, but obsession with the idea because it is the worst thing imaginable. I would guess your friend had a similar thing going with worrying about committing suicide. Whether she was actually at risk would be for a mental health professional to figure out, but anxiety can be tricky like that. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2016, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786/29 "2016-08-27T15:54:23Z")
We are a Mutual Admiration Society, **Spice Weasel**! 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-common-is-suicide-by-broken-heart/763786.md?page=1)