# How completely selfish it turns out I am **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 11, 2014, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414 "2014-03-11T05:58:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/21 "2014-03-11T19:22:07Z")
**Frylock** , for the record, I feel _exactly_ the same as you. If I had to trim back my personal allowance (of either time or money – in fact, time might be the big one right now), I would be extremely grouchy. I mean, I’d do it. And it would help if I knew it was a temporary situation. But it would be hard for me. And I think that’s okay! I salute your courage in admitting your selfishness 🙂 (That being said, I don’t think kids need 30-people birthday parties and lots of expensive classes. Maybe one expensive class per kid if it’s teaching her something. But my kid wouldn’t even _like_ having 30 kids at her party.) ---
**Author:** ![FeAudrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7feea3/32.png) [@FeAudrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FeAudrey)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/22 "2014-03-11T19:57:25Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > … we are not reaching the point where we can begin saving for a down payment on a house … If you want to buy a house, then the standard by which you should judging discretionary spending is, is it more or less necessary than moving towards that goal. > [@](#): > > … our own personal discretionary allowances … This one may be more necessary than you think. Entertainment and kids’ activities are relatively late to the party, but a little walking-around money for each family member has been usual since ancient Rome. I have seen it prescribed in 19th C. household management books as important for a wife to have, and in Japan, where women have total control of household finances, even the most domineering wife will give her husband some cash for beer and cigarettes. You may be able to trim the amount, but a little something ought to be allocated. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/23 "2014-03-11T20:08:44Z")
At the end of the day, you’ve gotta be realistic about this shit. Either increase your income or decrease your outgo. If you’re not willing to reduce your discretionary spending–even just a little, for the sake of your family–that’s pretty selfish. But the solution is ultimately between you and your wife, what we think doesn’t make a difference. Maybe cut your disco category by third or in half, and resolve to make up the difference by picking up extra shifts, asking your boss for a raise, applying for a better job, panhandling on the corner, etc. And put any extra straight into savings. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/24 "2014-03-11T20:14:12Z")
I’ve never understood this “I’ve got to have my meeeee money!” mentality. Doesn’t having savings and retirement and being out of debt count as treating yourself? Being able to sleep at night because I know I’m set for the future sounds a lot more fun than having a new laptop. But, I don’t have kids or a significant other, so I don’t really have anyone to be jealous of for using my money. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/25 "2014-03-11T20:17:15Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > I disagree with this. But that’s an entirely different conversation, and I’ll stop there. I don’t even know how it’s possible to coherently disagree with that. Let’s start a thread. I don’t want to presume, so I won’t start it myself but I’d be interested in hearing more from you in a separate thread. ---
**Author:** ![Furious\_Marmot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dfb087/32.png) [@Furious\_Marmot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Furious_Marmot)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/26 "2014-03-11T20:25:34Z")
You would be crazy to downgrade your health insurance to save a piddling $100 per month. If I’m reading it right, you’ve got 4 kids: 2 rather young and 2 involved in sports. Injuries and illness need to be part of your planning. One broken leg from a stupid, accidental trip and fall will make you wish you still had the good insurance. If the allowances are such a big deal to you, why not make them proportional to your incomes? On re-read: dude, you are seriously considering putting your kids on poverty rations (that is what you mean by beans and rice, yes?) twice a week in order to keep your play money? ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/27 "2014-03-11T20:39:43Z")
> [@Furious\_Marmot](#): > > You would be crazy to downgrade your health insurance to save a piddling $100 per month. If I’m reading it right, you’ve got 4 kids: 2 rather young and 2 involved in sports. Injuries and illness need to be part of your planning. One broken leg from a stupid, accidental trip and fall will make you wish you still had the good insurance. > > If the allowances are such a big deal to you, why not make them proportional to your incomes? > > On re-read: dude, you are seriously considering putting your kids on poverty rations (that is what you mean by beans and rice, yes?) twice a week in order to keep your play money? Beans + rice + tortillas + cheese = simple, delicious, \*healthy \*quesadillas, dude. There’s nothing wrong with limiting your grocery budget. A few meatless nights a week would save a \*\*lot \*\*for a family of 4+. ---
**Author:** ![Furious\_Marmot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dfb087/32.png) [@Furious\_Marmot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Furious_Marmot)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/28 "2014-03-11T20:50:46Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Beans + rice + tortillas + cheese = simple, delicious, \*healthy \*quesadillas, dude. There’s nothing wrong with limiting your grocery budget. A few meatless nights a week would save a \*\*lot \*\*for a family of 4+. Sorry, I took “beans and rice” to mean a pot of beans and a pot of rice. Life sustaining, and two nights a week won’t lead to malnutrition, but not exactly what the AAP recommends for growing kids. Meatless isn’t the problem, there’s protein in the beans. Nearly vegetableless is what I was getting at. Also, “Hey kids, your dinner budget is less impotant than dad’s laptop fund!” is an… interesting conversation starter. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/29 "2014-03-11T21:39:50Z")
> [@Furious\_Marmot](#): > > Sorry, I took “beans and rice” to mean a pot of beans and a pot of rice. Life sustaining, and two nights a week won’t lead to malnutrition, but not exactly what the AAP recommends for growing kids. Meatless isn’t the problem, there’s protein in the beans. Nearly vegetableless is what I was getting at. Also, “Hey kids, your dinner budget is less impotant than dad’s laptop fund!” is an… interesting conversation starter. I just meant, generally, really inexpensive meals, not non-nutritious ones. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/30 "2014-03-11T21:40:53Z")
> [@Furious\_Marmot](#): > > You would be crazy to downgrade your health insurance to save a piddling $100 per month. If I’m reading it right, you’ve got 4 kids: 2 rather young and 2 involved in sports. The insurance is just my wife’s, not the whole family’s. I’m covered through work, and my kids are subsidized at almost 100% through Medicaid. ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2014, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414/31 "2014-03-11T21:50:37Z")
> [@Furious\_Marmot](#): > > On re-read: dude, you are seriously considering putting your kids on poverty rations (that is what you mean by beans and rice, yes?) twice a week in order to keep your play money? I haven’t re-read the OP but from memory it seems to me that no such exchange was proposed. The budget cuts were discussed as a package deal in that post. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-completely-selfish-it-turns-out-i-am/683414.md?page=1)