# How could a man use potatoes to masterbate? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 26, 2013, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371 "2013-05-26T03:21:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/61 "2013-05-27T05:37:41Z")
So next time he comes over, set the basket of spuds near the bed and the CCTV camera in the light fitting. Once you’ve answered the question you may never eat spuds again. Just make sure to post the answer first.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/62 "2013-05-27T05:41:39Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > A _Texas Monthly_ article on the state penal (heh) system named avocados as the masturbatory fruit of choice. But the prisoners were screwing them, not shoving them up their butts … or so they said. And yes, I know potatoes are not fruit. Would Brits use mushy peas, I wonder. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/63 "2013-05-27T06:16:57Z")
For chastity, not perversion: [![Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/oSrx4R6.jpeg "A Whole Raw Potato.") ](https://imgur.com/gallery/oSrx4R6) ---
**Author:** ![ptr2void](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ptr2void/32/3406_2.png) [@ptr2void](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ptr2void)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/64 "2013-05-27T11:30:11Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > A _Texas Monthly_ article on the state penal (heh) system named avocados as the masturbatory fruit of choice. But the prisoners were screwing them, not shoving them up their butts … or so they said. Don’t avocados have a large pit or seed inside of them??? I’m so confused (or maybe lacking in creativity). I’ll never look at guacamole the same way again… ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/65 "2013-05-27T14:25:14Z")
> [@ptr2void](#): > > Don’t avocados have a large pit or seed inside of them??? I’m so confused (or maybe lacking in creativity). > > I’ll never look at guacamole the same way again… Can you take the pit out and still have something to work with? I’d just like to compliment the OP User Name/Thread Title combo too. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/66 "2013-05-27T14:39:34Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > So next time he comes over, set the basket of spuds near the bed and the CCTV camera in the light fitting. Once you’ve answered the question you may never eat spuds again. Just make sure to post the answer first.😃 One potato, two potato, three potato, four Four potatoes may be too much, but boy will uncle score! Over CCTV, a potato vid-ee sped, Coming on to update the potato-bation thread! Making up a mess of fun, Making up a mess of fun! (Second helpings, anyone…?) :eek: Tra la la, la la la la tra la la, la la la la Tra la la, la la la la tra la la, la la la la…! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/67 "2013-05-27T14:46:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Quoth **gaffa** : > > In one of the later Hitchhiker’s books, Arthur Dent has been stuck alone on a planet so long that his yearning for sex and his yearning for potatoes have become confused. Forget which one. You probably can’t remember which one because it was the one where Arthur Dent was actually Rincewind. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/68 "2013-05-27T14:54:55Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > For chastity, not perversion: > > [A Whole Raw Potato. - Imgur](http://imgur.com/gallery/oSrx4R6) WTF did they get married for? ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/69 "2013-05-27T15:23:23Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > WTF did they get married for? It’s from a spoof news site like The Onion. ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/70 "2013-05-27T15:29:38Z")
GLaDOS is not amused. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/71 "2013-05-29T12:41:50Z")
I think he wanted fries with that shake. ---
**Author:** ![DrumBum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e79b87/32.png) [@DrumBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrumBum)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371/72 "2013-05-29T13:49:45Z")
There are a seemingly [endless variety of potatoes](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potato) that could be used. Some have alluring names like French Fingerling and Désirée. There are also British Queens and Irish Lumpers. Then there are the scary sounding ones like BF-15 and Kestrel. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-could-a-man-use-potatoes-to-masterbate/659371.md?page=3)