# How creepy was this? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 14, 2019, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416 "2019-11-14T14:35:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Capn\_Carl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Capn\_Carl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capn_Carl)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/1 "2019-11-14T14:35:57Z")
I learned of this incident in the early 1990’s. I’ve always considered it damning. Now it’s decades later and I want to be sure I evaluated it correctly. A man of ~60 was on a business trip that happened to be in the city that his daughter (~30 yo) lived in. They went out for a meal. Afterwards, on the elevator up to the father’s hotel room, he put his hand on her butt and gave it a squeeze. I might be willing to furnish more context, but for now, I’d like your opinions on just this. Is there any way this physical contact is not awful? How bad was it? Can such contact be non-sexual? ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/2 "2019-11-14T14:38:53Z")
Does _every_ thread have to be about Trump?! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/3 "2019-11-14T14:46:06Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Does _every_ thread have to be about Trump?! **Moderator Warning** I’m sure you know that political jabs are not allowed in General Questions. This is an official warning. Do not do this again. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/4 "2019-11-14T14:51:04Z")
I’ve got 2 dtrs, aged 28 and 30. Pretty close to both. Can’t imagine a situation in which I would grab their butts. Not an excuse, but were they drunk? How “physical”/crude are they (hugs, etc.)? Was it intended as a joke? But(t) yeah - presumptively pretty creepy. ---
**Author:** ![MindsEye\_Watering](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindseye_watering/32/3619_2.png) [@MindsEye\_Watering](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MindsEye_Watering)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/5 "2019-11-14T14:59:48Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Does _every_ thread have to be about Trump?! Mod warning aside, that was excellent! ---
**Author:** ![Capn\_Carl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Capn\_Carl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capn_Carl)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/6 "2019-11-14T15:04:51Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > I’ve got 2 dtrs, aged 28 and 30. Pretty close to both. Can’t imagine a situation in which I would grab their butts. Not an excuse, but were they drunk? How “physical”/crude are they (hugs, etc.)? Was it intended as a joke? > > But(t) yeah - presumptively pretty creepy. Good questions. Not drunk, not a huggy family. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/7 "2019-11-14T15:08:23Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > **Moderator Warning** > > I’m sure you know that political jabs are not allowed in General Questions. This is an official warning. Do not do this again. > > Colibri > General Questions Moderator Based on a PM received, and since this is a first offense, I’m downgrading the warning to a note. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/8 "2019-11-14T15:10:33Z")
> [@MindsEye\_Watering](#): > > Mod warning aside, that was excellent! **Moderator Warning** Ok, this one is definitely going to be an official warning. Saying a political jab was excellent is basically just repeating the same jab, especially after someone has been warned for it. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/9 "2019-11-14T15:13:49Z")
Since the OP is soliciting opinions, let’s move this to IMHO. However, I’m instructing posters not to further hijack this thread by bringing Trump into it. While the first response was inappropriate for GQ, I agree that we don’t need every thread to be about Trump. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/10 "2019-11-14T15:18:45Z")
Are there people or cultures among whom a squeeze on the butt is considered a completely nonsexual gesture of affection, like a squeeze on the shoulder or the arm? I don’t know of any, but it wouldn’t totally surprise me to learn that they exist. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/11 "2019-11-14T15:25:49Z")
Without knowing anything else, of course it sounds creepy. But perhaps the father was telling the daughter that she was gaining a little weight. Or perhaps the father was displaying signs of a memory disorder and didn’t know this was his daughter. I am curious what role the OP has. Does he know the daughter in the present day? What did and does she think about this? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/12 "2019-11-14T15:28:10Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Or perhaps the father was displaying signs of a memory disorder and didn’t know this was his daughter. I wondered about this too. As I understand it, inappropriate sexual comments or actions can be a sign of senility/dementia/age-related cognitive decline. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/13 "2019-11-14T16:10:30Z")
> [@Capn\_Carl](#): > > I learned of this incident in the early 1990’s. I’ve always considered it damning. Now it’s decades later and I want to be sure I evaluated it correctly. > > A man of ~60 was on a business trip that happened to be in the city that his daughter (~30 yo) lived in. They went out for a meal. Afterwards, on the elevator up to the father’s hotel room, he put his hand on her butt and gave it a squeeze. > > I might be willing to furnish more context, but for now, I’d like your opinions on just this. Is there any way this physical contact is not awful? How bad was it? Can such contact be non-sexual? Grotesquely creepy, IMHO:eek:. I have a daughter, 45, a granddaughter, 20, and another granddaughter 3. The 3 year old can get the occasional playful swat (and even then not a “squeeze”) on the butt but adolescents or adults??? yikes, absolutely NOT. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/14 "2019-11-14T17:10:53Z")
Why is this incident from 30 years ago more noteworthy than any other creepy behavior of this type? Some people are creepy. Some people are murders, some are cannibals, some people torture animals, some have sex with their kids. What do you think you might be missing? ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/15 "2019-11-14T17:14:42Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > Are there people or cultures among whom a squeeze on the butt is considered a completely nonsexual gesture of affection, like a squeeze on the shoulder or the arm? > > I don’t know of any, but it wouldn’t totally surprise me to learn that they exist. I don’t know about a ‘squeeze’, but watch any US football game (or many other athletic events), and you’ll see quite a few pats/slaps on the butt that are definitely intended as non-sexual gestures. So, I could see a dad giving his daughter a 'go get ‘em’ pat on the butt without it being \*too \*creepy (with a full-grown daughter, still a little creepy, but maybe not too creepy). ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/16 "2019-11-14T17:17:26Z")
Maybe she was his step daughter. I’ve recently learned from several _documentaries_ that the rules are different for step children. ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/17 "2019-11-14T17:23:19Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Maybe she was his step daughter. I’ve recently learned from several _documentaries_ that the rules are different for step children. Maybe in porn fantasies but in the real world it’s out of line, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/18 "2019-11-14T17:25:41Z")
No. Not good. Dad was out of line. No excuse can make it okay. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/19 "2019-11-14T17:29:40Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > Maybe in porn fantasies but in the real world it’s out of line, IMHO. I know. Just attempting a joke. I have adult daughters and stepdaughters. The events in the OP, even though 25 years remote, are certainly creepy. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/20 "2019-11-14T19:43:51Z")
> [@Capn\_Carl](#): > > Afterwards, on the elevator up to the father’s hotel room, _Why_ were they going up to the father’s hotel room? The father’s behavior in the elevator would be perfectly normal if the were going there to fuck. Otherwise, the father was a creepizoid. ETA: just to be perfectly clear, this post was not Trump related. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416.md?page=2)