# How creepy was this? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 14, 2019, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416 "2019-11-14T14:35:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/21 "2019-11-14T21:21:51Z")
> [@Quercus](#): > > I don’t know about a ‘squeeze’, but watch any US football game (or many other athletic events), and you’ll see quite a few pats/slaps on the butt that are **definitely intended as non-sexual gestures.** [bolding mine] Don’t bet on it. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/22 "2019-11-14T22:17:01Z")
Not to be contrary but I just asked my wife how she would thought it creepy if, when my daughter was 30, I had given her a friendly squeeze on the butt and she wouldn’t have. I guess it is just a cultural difference, but I agree with my wife. We Ashkenazi Jews are quite physical in showing affection. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/23 "2019-11-14T22:28:07Z")
Was this as told by an observer? As told by the daughter? As told by the father? ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/24 "2019-11-14T22:40:37Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I know. Just attempting a joke. I have adult daughters and stepdaughters. The events in the OP, even though 25 years remote, are certainly creepy. Quite OK. Lots of boundaries I’ll cross in my mind, but never in RL. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2019, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/25 "2019-11-14T22:45:54Z")
I did the calculations and it seems to me that it’s 87.3% creepy. Someone please check my math. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2019, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/26 "2019-11-15T00:24:05Z")
You forgot to carry the ewww. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2019, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/27 "2019-11-15T05:03:18Z")
Sounds like part of a rather tasteless joke about the father forgetting it was his daughter because both hotel and normally took hookers up to his room = absentmindedly forgetting it was his daughter [or however to describe the rather tasteless joke] ---
**Author:** ![spifflog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@spifflog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spifflog)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2019, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/28 "2019-11-15T13:51:12Z")
I’m not going to go overboard defending this, but it doesn’t _have_ to be creepy. My family was affectionate. My father would frequently hug my mother, and usually end the hung with a playful, lite swat on her butt. When my sister got older, he would do the same to her. It was never odd, or sexual, or creepy to me or my family. But when my future wife first saw it, horrified would best describe her reaction. 7 year later? Yep I playfully swat my wife post hug, she views that as loving and affectionate and would ask me what’s wrong if I didn’t. Now a squeeze would be over the top to me, if indeed it was. But my point is people have different definitions of affection. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2019, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/29 "2019-11-15T17:03:18Z")
In my family, then or now, it wouldn’t be all that odd. We hug, we stand close, we link arms and if someone touches or even squeezes a butt none of us would care. And if someone else wants to take offense I figure the problem is theirs and not ours. ---
**Author:** ![Capn\_Carl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Capn\_Carl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capn_Carl)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2019, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/30 "2019-11-16T01:59:51Z")
I appreciate all the responses, thank you. The rest of the story: The two on the elevator where my father and sister. After that incident, she began remembering being sexually abused as a child by Dad. Then she openly accused him of the abuse, and told everyone. He has consistently denied every accusation but one—the elevator incident. He claimed that was a friendly squeeze, no more. A few years later, she sued him. Everyone we knew was pushed or pulled to his side of the dispute, or hers. Either we had Molester Dad or Crazy Liar Sister. It was awful. I chose to believe Sis, but not having witnessed anything, I occasionally reevaluate my decision. When I do, that elevator incident stands out. It’s the only accused act that occurred when Sis was an adult, and Dad didn’t deny it. I felt that if he could do that, and admit it, then he has some serious boundary issues. Which could be a symptom of other issues. I suppose I’ll never know. After reading some of the posts here, I suppose there’s a slim chance that it was just a friendly butt squeeze. I doubt it, but I’m I can’t rule it out. Please keep the responses coming. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2019, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/31 "2019-11-16T02:17:11Z")
That’s terrible. Sorry I started out with a joke. While I have never, and would never, grab my daughter’s butt, I don’t think it proves the abuse happened. Without knowing more, though, why would your sister lie? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2019, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/32 "2019-11-16T02:28:40Z")
> [@Capn\_Carl](#): > > I suppose I’ll never know. After reading some of the posts here, I suppose there’s a slim chance that it was just a friendly butt squeeze. I doubt it, but I’m I can’t rule it out. > > Please keep the responses coming. As a dad with a daughter - no, there is no such thing as a “friendly butt squeeze”. This whole topic grosses me out, no fault to you. But no, no father gives his daughter a “friendly butt squeeze” ---
**Author:** ![Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyer/32/7298_2.png) [@Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flyer)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2019, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/33 "2019-11-16T05:50:11Z")
> [@Capn\_Carl](#): > > I appreciate all the responses, thank you. The rest of the story: > > The two on the elevator where my father and sister. After that incident, she began remembering being sexually abused as a child by Dad. Then she openly accused him of the abuse, and told everyone. He has consistently denied every accusation but one—the elevator incident. He claimed that was a friendly squeeze, no more. A few years later, she sued him. Everyone we knew was pushed or pulled to his side of the dispute, or hers. Either we had Molester Dad or Crazy Liar Sister. It was awful. > > I chose to believe Sis, but not having witnessed anything, I occasionally reevaluate my decision. When I do, that elevator incident stands out. It’s the only accused act that occurred when Sis was an adult, and Dad didn’t deny it. I felt that if he could do that, and admit it, then he has some serious boundary issues. Which could be a symptom of other issues. > > I suppose I’ll never know. After reading some of the posts here, I suppose there’s a slim chance that it was just a friendly butt squeeze. I doubt it, but I’m I can’t rule it out. > > Please keep the responses coming. As I understand it, the current research states that repressing a traumatic experience to the point of actually forgetting it is more or less impossible. Any claim that somebody “began remembering” something like being sexually abused raises major red flags. ---
**Author:** ![Capn\_Carl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Capn\_Carl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capn_Carl)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2019, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/34 "2019-11-16T07:22:09Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > That’s terrible. Sorry I started out with a joke. > > While I have never, and would never, grab my daughter’s butt, I don’t think it proves the abuse happened. Without knowing more, though, why would your sister lie? I laughed. No offense taken. ---
**Author:** ![Capn\_Carl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Capn\_Carl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capn_Carl)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2019, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/35 "2019-11-16T07:28:40Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > As a dad with a daughter - no, there is no such thing as a “friendly butt squeeze”. This whole topic grosses me out, no fault to you. > > But no, no father gives his daughter a “friendly butt squeeze” After reading some of the responses above. I have to conclude that you’re wrong. In some families, it’s not seen as sexual. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2019, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/36 "2019-11-16T07:35:31Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > As I understand it, the current research states that repressing a traumatic experience to the point of actually forgetting it is more or less impossible. Any claim that somebody “began remembering” something like being sexually abused raises major red flags. > **[Dissociative amnesia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychogenic_amnesia)** > > Dissociative amnesia or psychogenic amnesia is a dissociative disorder "characterized by retrospectively reported memory gaps. These gaps involve an inability to recall personal information, usually of a traumatic or stressful nature." In a change from the DSM-IV to the DSM-5, dissociative fugue is now subsumed under dissociative amnesia. > Dissociative amnesia was previously known as psychogenic amnesia, a memory disorder, which was characterized by sudden retrograde episodic memory loss, said t... Make of this what you will. ---
**Author:** ![Capn\_Carl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Capn\_Carl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capn_Carl)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2019, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/37 "2019-11-16T07:39:57Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > As I understand it, the current research states that repressing a traumatic experience to the point of actually forgetting it is more or less impossible. Any claim that somebody “began remembering” something like being sexually abused raises major red flags. When Sis made the abuse accusations, part of the reason I believed her was i felt it explained many of her personality traits; ditto for another sister. I suppose some other trauma could explain it. So even childhood trauma cannot be repressed? ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2019, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/38 "2019-11-16T08:05:57Z")
Yes, of course it can. See post #36. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/39 "2019-11-17T06:05:24Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > As I understand it, the current research states that repressing a traumatic experience to the point of actually forgetting it is more or less impossible. Any claim that somebody “began remembering” something like being sexually abused raises major red flags. Maybe “began remembering” was not the precisely correct term. Maybe she hadn’t forgotten, but it was not something she thought much about. Abuse victims often put abuse out of their mind, making a conscious effort not to remember. Then something happens to spark the memory, and they finally speak up. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2019, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416/40 "2019-11-17T09:53:55Z")
On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give it a 9.4. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/how-creepy-was-this/843416.md?page=3)